NEWS: King Me: Chess Geek Shacks Up with Brazilian Stripper

CULTURE: King Me: Chess Geek Shacks Up with Brazilian Stripper

While Allen Lin is off proving to the world that 13 perfect 5s on Advanced Placement tests just aren't enough, Emilio Cordova, a Peruvian chess prodigy, is proving to the world that strippers are.

Emilio was living in Lima but following the tourney where he kicked ass and won the gold, he headed over to Brazil for some serious celebration. While missing he ran out of cash a few times and decided to call home to Mom and Dad a couple of times for fund replenishment which got his parents suspicious. It only took his parents a few months before they realized something was up and called in some law enforcement – seriously, how did these people have a chess genius together?

Did you catch that part about only being one of his girlfriends? For those placating themselves that Allen Lin traded in possible fun and booty for those perfect AP tests, you should recognize that if he's not swimming in tail now, he will be someday.

Seriously nerds, all that cash and trophy booty we keep throwing at you better buy us some cancer cures and pollution solvers or were coming to bust some heads. That milk money is gonna get back taxed if we don't see results pronto.

Yeah Baby! Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, George Clooney...fuck y'all. Brainiacs unite!!

This just in: Nerds Victors in Class War with Jocks. Woo, I love being a nerd.

You know that whole "king me" thing's a, you know, a checkers thing, right?

I should've played more chess.

Jesus, apparently I'm the wrong kind of nerd....cash and trophy booty? wtf...

Smart is sexy, but it helps if the smarts are behind an entirely lickable face.

Title should say Checkmate... not King me. Kings me is in checkers... not chess.

I recall that the chess players at MY high school got all the glory and all the babes, too.

For reals. Or, like... "Chess King Scales the Porcelain Rooks of Brazilian Club Queen all Knight Long." UNH! That's how we do.

This is has to be an outside of the u.s. thing. I think if I told a woman I played chess she'd drop me like a blind roofer.

*slow clap*
That is beautiful.

But what about the Pawns, huh? What about the Pawns!

"Chess King Scales the Porcelain Rooks of Brazilian Club Queen all Knight Long, While All You Other Advanced Placement Pawns Are Left Beating Your Bishops And Crying Yourselves to Sleep at Night"

The End.

(I'm trying to write another article here! Stop distracting me, Boards! )

I love you.

+12. It would have been +20 had there been a pawn shop in there some place.

Stupid awesome chain of responses shoulda been in response to my post.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

BlastProcessing said:
Stupid awesome chain of responses shoulda been in response to my post.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

It totally was in spirit!

Burningkrome said:
"Yeah Baby! Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, George Clooney...fuck y'all. Brainiacs unite!!"

ummm, Tom Cruise would be in the tool category, not the cool jock category.

+<3

but OP, funny article.

_DictionaryGirl_ said:

BlastProcessing said:
Stupid awesome chain of responses shoulda been in response to my post.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

It totally was in spirit!

Save the excuses for when you've gotta explain your missed deadline, toots.

I wonder how much blow he did before mommy and daddy caught up with him

(and I wonder if it'll adversely affect his playing skills)

BlastProcessing said:
Stupid awesome chain of responses shoulda been in response to my post.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

For those scoring at home like myself I put the +1 next to your name, so no worries.

I've lived with strippers. Twice. And you know what?

It is waaaaaaaaay cooler than chess.