NEWS: G-Unit in the Publishing House!

CULTURE: G-Unit in the Publishing House!

Last night, as I set down a particularly satisfying Danielle Steel novel to mix a little more juice in with my gin, I thought to myself:

"While it's true that Ms. Steel's exhilaratingly tawdry tales never fail to move me, I often feel like something is missing. If only someone dared to mix her caliber of craftsmanship with a plot that speaks to my core values and lifestyle! Oh, when will a book come along that isn't afraid to represent me?"

You can imagine, then, my rapturous delight to find that there's a new man looming on the horizon of the publishing scene, ready to rock it like a hurricane of buckshot. The one, the only, the incomparable 50 Cent. (Curtis Jackson, if you're nasty.)

Oh man, and in conjunction with MTV Books, too! That's hot. As promising as a venture advertising 100% of my daily recommended intake of grit may sound, however, G-Unit Books has been coming under a lot of fire from writers, representatives, and L.A. Times columnists who are apparently concerned with things like “cultural integrity” and “standards” and “books that aren’t full of product placement.” (Oh, that’s right – did I mention the product placement yet? All books shall mention such pivotal plot points as Reebok, Glaceau mineral water, G-Unit streetwear, and pretty much every member of the posse. That’s skrilla in the bank, folks!)

Ah, come now. I think Ralph Ellison would totally be down with the G-Unit takeover. Invisible Man in the HIZ-ouse!

Oh god, ouch. Okay, the grit-hop crunk juice is wearing off now and I don’t know how you professional writer people can keep up the irony so long without migraines for days. Still, I’m fascinated to see how this will play out, and whether these books will really gain momentum. After all, they couldn’t possibly be worse than “chick lit.” Right, guys? Right?

I’m sorry I ever doubted.


_DictionaryGirl_ is thrilled just to be here on the Newswire, and is having way too much fun with this. I'm just playin', Fifty; you know I love you.

Wow. As a proponent of nearly anything having to do with the documentation or broadcast of hip hop culture, I'd like to say...Oh my fucking god this is horrific!

Yeah, the only people who should write things are people with terminal degrees.

holy shit, youre an editor! one of the best choices staff has made in a long time.

+ 1 - fucking - thousand .

As cool as DG: The Editor is (and that's really fucking cool), you still spelled Fi'ty wrong. :-P

a rapper writing about the street? I just wonder if any of the writers will read the piece of shit they authored or is it not hood if you read?

Hmmm...

There's only one good chapter you can read over and over. Rest is filler.

popular culture is drowning in a flood of skillfully-written, intelligent literature, and it must be stopped at any cost! somebody think of the children!

Ha! Right.

I'd like to know what kind of books Fitty is reading these days for inspiration.

I saw one of them on the bookshelf in Coles Books (Canadian Book Seller, not sure if they are anywhere else), read the back, and just about burned it on the spot, saw another one (didn't read the back), left promptly after.

This is why I prefer to not browse certain sections of the store, because I see crap like that.

50 is brilliant, he puts out one trash cd, all the kids buy it, then he puts out the same cd again like 6 months later, with music videos attached and kids dug that one too. 50 is simply a business man. He does what ever he can to make money. Think of him as the Mcdonalds of hip hop. Don't let it all fool you, he is extremely intelligent. He is not about the content though. Just the movement of product. Thats how a crack dealer works.

+_

+ 10,000

he's not a business man, he's a business, man.

You just blew my mind, man

But seriously, this news made me throw up more than anything else I think I've read all day.

You know, I thought about writing it Fi'ty, but I sound fairly ridiculous and poseury when I say it out loud, so I thought it best to preserve the continuity of my vernacular by keeping it nerdy.

i thought it was fiddy.. akin to p diddy?

whoa....go _DG_, go!

I just want to read it so that when people ask, "Hey Cocoa...what are you reading?" I can reply with "G-G-G-G-G UNIT!"

HAHA! You don't dissapoint kiddo!

Just what we needed, more phony mythology built up about these works of fiction masquerading as rappers, and with corporate sponsorship woven in for that added payday! Therefore, they don't have to sell to make money.

I admire 50 cent because he is getting his myth out there across such a wide spectrum of content, and getting richer doing it. And that drive for money is at the core of his myth.

But c'mon already, you fucking posers. You don't hang around in dingy apartments armed to the teeth waiting for trouble, you hang around with image consultants and wait for meetings with your public relations agency.

Although when I think about some of the stupid shit I liked to read when I was 13, I can't really be that assed about the books. Hell, I might even buy one or two. It'd be like the modern day John Carter of Mars books or Fafrhad and the Grey Mouser.

"In Lankhmar on one murky night, there met for the first time those two dubious heroes and whimsical scoundrels, 50 Cent and the Lloyd Banks...."

Holy shit... 50 Cent knows how to write?

Product placement, eh?

My boy James was just standing there holding the General Electric refrigerator wide open and I said, "If you going to keep that open you might as well pass me some Miller Light!"

"Miller Light?" he asked. "I thought you was on that Body by Jake program."

"Naw. I tried Jenny Craig and Slim-Fast and they okay but right now I'm on a hard Soloflex regimen." I nearly stepped on a piece of Cap'n Crunch when I noticed that there was an empty box of Ring Dings sitting on the counter. Clearly, someone was trying to mess with my diet.

Side note: do they call him Cinquante Cent in French speaking countries?