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Marian_Librarian

Marian_Librarian

Brooklyn, NY
February 2007

MAR 15, 2007 02:33 PM




I was sitting around at work this morning when a couple of my fellow librarians came up with a most diabolical "what if" question—the kind of dilemma that David Foster Wallace once called "a real two-handed head-clutcher."

So here it is, in its brutal simplicity: Caffeine, or ethanol?

Like, you have to pick one. One to enjoy as you see fit for the rest of your life. And the other…never to touch again.

Think about it. You may love them both, but they make terrible substitutes for one another. A bracing scotch on the rocks to clear your head in the morning? No. A hot, steaming mug of joe to ease your conversation with that attractive stranger, or loosen your limbs for the dance floor? Sorry, not really.

I haven't even come up with my answer yet. The choice is too horrible to think about. I have, however, prepared a poll to see how all you SG readers would deal with it.

Caffeine or Alcohol? Vote at Quimble...

And not to sway you, or anything, but I've also dragged up this article finding that, for regular coffee drinkers, the morning cup doesn't really provide a boost. That happy feeling you get? Apparently it's just your body coming out of withdrawal.

Says the BBC:

The Bristol researchers, who carried out a review of previous studies into the effects of caffeine, say all the drink does is counteract the mild caffeine withdrawal symptoms people are experiencing because they have gone without the stimulant overnight.

And those who drink a caffeinated drink first thing are no more alert than those who never consume one.

Professor Peter Rogers, a biological psychologist who led the research, told the BBC: … "That alertness you feel is you getting back to normal, rather than to an above normal level.



Yeah, I suspected that. But when the coffee's good, I don't care!

JoLeigh

JoLeigh

SUICIDEGIRL

Florida, USA

MAR 16, 2007 09:45 AM

Id give up the java bu that's because I drink tea tongue

Mr_muddle1

Mr_muddle1

United Kingdom
March 2004

MAR 16, 2007 09:47 AM

I'd quite happily go without both of pot were legal...

But that's just avoiding the question. I'll go with alcohol, as there are other stimulants... and you can always drink de-caf wink

freshprncebelair

freshprncebelair

Ellicott City, MD
June 2004

MAR 16, 2007 09:49 AM

I'd have to give up Caffeine. It's nowhere near as fun as the alcy

orangeAsaurusRex

orangeAsaurusRex

York, ON
January 2005

MAR 16, 2007 09:51 AM

I'm a Gemini... so one of my personalities will give up caffeine, and one will give up alcohol

Spencer_Dodds

spencer_dodds

United Kingdom
March 2007

MAR 16, 2007 09:57 AM

Anyone tried David Lynch's coffee?

Lexiphanic

Lexiphanic

Australia
August 2005

MAR 16, 2007 09:58 AM

JoLeigh said:
Id give up the java bu that's because I drink tea tongue



Tea has caffeine in it, too.
As does chocolate.
You're not giving up coffee, you're giving up caffeine. The ramifications are greater than you think! It's monstrous!

bigorangemachine said:
I'm a Gemini... so one of my personalities will give up caffeine, and one will give up alcohol



So you're giving up both then?? Hardcore! tongue
Or do you mean one of your personalities will give up caffeine and the other one WON'T give up anything?

JoLeigh

JoLeigh

SUICIDEGIRL

Florida, USA

MAR 16, 2007 10:01 AM

Lexiphanic said:

JoLeigh said:
Id give up the java bu that's because I drink tea tongue



Tea has caffeine in it, too.
As does chocolate.
You're not giving up coffee, you're giving up caffeine. The ramifications are greater than you think! It's monstrous!




i could live without cocoa... but I drink mint tea and the tea I drink is naturally decaffeinated so there biggrin biggrin biggrin
BAM wink

I DEF NEED THE BOOZE
this wouldn't ever get passed though what would all our politicians do with themselves without the old alchy

TAFKASP

TAFKASP

Oakland, CA
June 2003

MAR 16, 2007 10:13 AM

This is actually the easiest question in the world for me to answer, as I don't really like coffee, but love the sauce.

Trills

Trills

United Kingdom
December 2004

MAR 16, 2007 10:17 AM

The alcofrolics can go. I've been t-total for years anyway.

arainwen

arainwen

Richmond, VA
February 2007

MAR 16, 2007 10:20 AM

I don't use either, I have been without caffeine and alcohol for about 10 years now. I will admit I miss the alcohol more than the caffeine. I had to give them up because they react with my medications.

Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

MAR 16, 2007 10:21 AM

If I give up both, can I have a pony?

dingoes8

dingoes8

Milwaukee, WI
March 2004

MAR 16, 2007 10:30 AM

I do like the taste of coffee occasionally, but I don't drink it very often. And I've never felt Caffeine affect me, whether it was from coffee or soda or whatever. So I go with alcohol by default. A very delicious default.

Sacrificial_Lamb

Sacrificial_Lamb

New Zealand
November 2005

MAR 16, 2007 10:31 AM

i don't really drink alcohol and i never drink coffee but not that you bring up chocolate i think it's right off the hooch for me

jonze

jonze

Willimantic, CT
December 2005

MAR 16, 2007 10:32 AM

Well, this is an easy question. Bye, bye, alcohol! I could deal with no hangovers, no recollections of stupid shit I've done, no more dancing with trashcans. But I could never give up my beautiful C8H10N4O2 molecule...

dingoes8

dingoes8

Milwaukee, WI
March 2004

MAR 16, 2007 10:33 AM

Somewhat on topic... has anyone ever had a good coffee stout? I've tried one or two, but they were pretty forgettable.

geo35

geo35

Minneapolis, MN
January 2003

MAR 16, 2007 10:38 AM

I haven't touched either in just over 18 years. But take away my Speyside Glenlivet water and I'll die.

_faithless_

_faithless_

Los Angeles, CA
March 2005

MAR 16, 2007 10:55 AM

Liquor and I have had our differences. See attachment. No those are not my feet but what would life be without the intrepidty, the awkward mornings waking next to the Taffy Puller you met at NEO hours before, the awkward and shameful doctors visits the following week, or lessen the memory of your first real kiss with Dad ...all due to liquid courage. I choose the booze, besides....coffee gives me tha palpatations. eeek

zoom image

Beau

Beau

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

MAR 16, 2007 10:55 AM

If there was no alcohol I'd be out of a job.

And without coffee I'd be out of a job too!

lmao both are just awesome 3 love

Bicycle_Samurai

Bicycle_Samurai

York, ON
September 2003

MAR 16, 2007 11:20 AM

Fuckin eh. I need my coffee.

I could always, I dunno... smoke pot? Maybe snort whipped cream?

Dark_Templar

Dark_Templar

Auburn, CA
June 2004

MAR 16, 2007 12:27 PM

Cigarette said:
If I give up both, can I have a pony?



Yes ....but the pony is an alcoholicwink

geasavenger

geasavenger

West Bend, WI
May 2005

MAR 16, 2007 01:00 PM

As much as many will dis-agree with, I would give up the alcohol. I prefer lively conversation to a drunken one any. I guess a prefer people to be themselves and alert..rather then having any regrets or not remembering interesting experences.

DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

MAR 16, 2007 01:01 PM

i don't drink, but i am also not a big coffee drinker, i will drink it if it's there, but i am not reliant on it.

BUT, if you ever try to take away my chocolate milk, i'll rip your arm off and beat you with it.

lucielle

lucielle

I'm lost
March 2007

MAR 16, 2007 01:13 PM

It'd be a hard choice, but I'd have to give up the coffee... you could always replace it with a bit of speed or pro-plus, but nothing can take the place of alchohol...

JonnyJonnyH

JonnyJonnyH

Seattle, WA
June 2003

MAR 16, 2007 01:48 PM

There are plenty other stimulants that I could use instead of coffee, so I'll vote with alcohol.

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