NEWS: Caffeine or Ethanol? Oh Gawd.

CULTURE: Caffeine or Ethanol? Oh Gawd.

I was sitting around at work this morning when a couple of my fellow librarians came up with a most diabolical "what if" question—the kind of dilemma that David Foster Wallace once called "a real two-handed head-clutcher."

So here it is, in its brutal simplicity: Caffeine, or ethanol?

Like, you have to pick one. One to enjoy as you see fit for the rest of your life. And the other…never to touch again.

Think about it. You may love them both, but they make terrible substitutes for one another. A bracing scotch on the rocks to clear your head in the morning? No. A hot, steaming mug of joe to ease your conversation with that attractive stranger, or loosen your limbs for the dance floor? Sorry, not really.

I haven't even come up with my answer yet. The choice is too horrible to think about. I have, however, prepared a poll to see how all you SG readers would deal with it.

Caffeine or Alcohol? Vote at Quimble...

And not to sway you, or anything, but I've also dragged up this article finding that, for regular coffee drinkers, the morning cup doesn't really provide a boost. That happy feeling you get? Apparently it's just your body coming out of withdrawal.

Says the BBC:

Yeah, I suspected that. But when the coffee's good, I don't care!

I'd quite happily go without both of pot were legal...

But that's just avoiding the question. I'll go with alcohol, as there are other stimulants... and you can always drink de-caf

I'd have to give up Caffeine. It's nowhere near as fun as the alcy

I'm a Gemini... so one of my personalities will give up caffeine, and one will give up alcohol

Anyone tried David Lynch's coffee?

Tea has caffeine in it, too.
As does chocolate.
You're not giving up coffee, you're giving up caffeine. The ramifications are greater than you think! It's monstrous!

So you're giving up both then?? Hardcore!
Or do you mean one of your personalities will give up caffeine and the other one WON'T give up anything?

This is actually the easiest question in the world for me to answer, as I don't really like coffee, but love the sauce.

The alcofrolics can go. I've been t-total for years anyway.

I don't use either, I have been without caffeine and alcohol for about 10 years now. I will admit I miss the alcohol more than the caffeine. I had to give them up because they react with my medications.

If I give up both, can I have a pony?

I do like the taste of coffee occasionally, but I don't drink it very often. And I've never felt Caffeine affect me, whether it was from coffee or soda or whatever. So I go with alcohol by default. A very delicious default.

i don't really drink alcohol and i never drink coffee but not that you bring up chocolate i think it's right off the hooch for me

Well, this is an easy question. Bye, bye, alcohol! I could deal with no hangovers, no recollections of stupid shit I've done, no more dancing with trashcans. But I could never give up my beautiful C8H10N4O2 molecule...

Somewhat on topic... has anyone ever had a good coffee stout? I've tried one or two, but they were pretty forgettable.

I haven't touched either in just over 18 years. But take away my Speyside Glenlivet water and I'll die.

Liquor and I have had our differences. See attachment. No those are not my feet but what would life be without the intrepidty, the awkward mornings waking next to the Taffy Puller you met at NEO hours before, the awkward and shameful doctors visits the following week, or lessen the memory of your first real kiss with Dad ...all due to liquid courage. I choose the booze, besides....coffee gives me tha palpatations.

Fuckin eh. I need my coffee.

I could always, I dunno... smoke pot? Maybe snort whipped cream?

Yes ....but the pony is an alcoholic

As much as many will dis-agree with, I would give up the alcohol. I prefer lively conversation to a drunken one any. I guess a prefer people to be themselves and alert..rather then having any regrets or not remembering interesting experences.

i don't drink, but i am also not a big coffee drinker, i will drink it if it's there, but i am not reliant on it.

BUT, if you ever try to take away my chocolate milk, i'll rip your arm off and beat you with it.

It'd be a hard choice, but I'd have to give up the coffee... you could always replace it with a bit of speed or pro-plus, but nothing can take the place of alchohol...

There are plenty other stimulants that I could use instead of coffee, so I'll vote with alcohol.