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Jon_Kesselman

Jon_Kesselman

Brooklyn, NY
August 2006

MAR 07, 2007 03:55 PM

In my ongoing quest to discover something, anything to write about, I just came across this: GodTube.

All I can say is, Oh my fucking God. Well, technically, not my God. I’m a deeply secular Jew.

But still, you guys seriously have to check this out!

Here are some of the highlights:

This is a training video for Christian Clowns. You heard me right. CHRISTIAN CLOWNS. I swear on GodTube that I am not joking.

Notice in the video how the clowns sneak up on a bunch of Retirement Home Residents!? If I was in my Eighties, and a group of Christian Clowns suddenly just popped up behind me, I would probably shit myself and then die.

Here's a question -- if your name is Maury, or Abdul, or Tze, and a Christian Clown is responsible for your death, do you still get to go to Heaven?

Up next...

The Athiest (sic)

This video proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Evolution is bunk. Watch how the guy on the right laughs at the “obviousness” of the argument. This video also proves that bananas can make heterosexual Australian Christians seem very, very gay.

If you’re still confused, this very "sci-entific" explanation disproves Evolution…I think. Or, it’s about a woodpecker...or something?

I’d like to close with my favorite. A parody of Sir Mix-A-Lot’s, Baby Got Back, entitled, Baby Got Bible.

“Oh my goodness. Becky, look at her bible! It is so huge!” Good stuff!!!

This site also gives users the ability to upload content. However, as the Suicide Girls community is obviously a place for sinners and/or chronic masturbators, I DO NOT ADVOCATE uploading any content to GodTube.

That would be just plain rude and inappropriate.

Jon_Kesselman is currently happy and healthy. Thanks for asking!

SnakePlissken

SnakePlissken

Corvallis, OR
December 2002

MAR 08, 2007 12:05 PM

That actually made clowns seem creepier.

Bastardo

Bastardo

Boston, MA
January 2005

MAR 08, 2007 12:06 PM

My computer refuses to load godtube. Fitting really.

astrogirl84

astrogirl84

Fulton, MO
February 2007

MAR 08, 2007 12:10 PM

Part of me wants to be really evil and sign up for it, and the other part of me wants nothing to do with it. Dilemma blackeyed confused

Bonnie

Bonnie

SUICIDEGIRL

United Kingdom

MAR 08, 2007 12:11 PM

all I can say is thank GOD, the almighty creator was thoughtful enough to make bananas ergonomically designed to fit our little human hands AND with a non-slip surface.

Thus proving, God really is great.

The atheist's nightmare

I bet in hell, all the bananas are slippery and square, thus rendering them impossible to eat by Christians. y'know..the bad ones who go to hell.

biggrin

CountVertigo

CountVertigo

Ann Arbor, MI
June 2005

MAR 08, 2007 12:18 PM

When I first read your column, I thought you typed that you were "a deeply spectacular Jew," and I think you should start going by that.

Clowns are horrific. Clowns powered by Jesus are the second-scariest thing I've ever seen (the first being clowns fucking).

Mthrsuperior

Mthrsuperior

Victoria, BC
November 2002

MAR 08, 2007 12:18 PM

haha
The death pangs get louder and louder

Uncognitive

Uncognitive

Brooklyn, NY
May 2003

MAR 08, 2007 12:23 PM

Bonnie said:
all I can say is thank GOD, the almighty creator was thoughtful enough to make bananas ergonomically designed to fit our little human hands AND with a non-slip surface.



"Hey God, thanks for designing cucumbers so that they'd make great dildos. I certainly say your name a lot when I insert one into my ass, so good looking out on that one!"

I'm also wondering why nobody's rushing to give God credit for making poisonous berries, or foodstuffs that are difficult to grow and harvest.

Margot_Dent

Margot_Dent

Los Angeles, CA
February 2004

MAR 08, 2007 12:24 PM

oh. my. goodness.

that "baby got bible" one was unbelievable. the lyrics were actually really well done, which makes it even better/worse.

captevil

captevil

Vancouver, BC
April 2005

MAR 08, 2007 12:29 PM

E-vo-l-u-tion is when rocks turn into people 'eh? Guess I learned something new today. whatever

voyeurs

voyeurs

Los Angeles, CA
December 2003

MAR 08, 2007 12:40 PM

Margot_Dent said:
oh. my. goodness.

that "baby got bible" one was unbelievable. the lyrics were actually really well done, which makes it even better/worse.



I agree! The whole production on that thing is goddamn impressive. "Cause it's worn, and it's torn - and I know that girl's reborn..."

jason

jason

USA
August 2002

MAR 08, 2007 12:52 PM

Jon_Kesselman said:
Watch how the guy on the right laughs at the "obviousness" of the argument.



you mean mike seaver?

zoom image

legman

legman

Portland, OR
February 2006

MAR 08, 2007 12:54 PM

"This is a training video for Christian Clowns. You heard me right. CHRISTIAN CLOWNS."

Does this make anybody besides me think of Tammy Fay Bakker??

aleksa

aleksa

Tacoma, WA
April 2006

MAR 08, 2007 12:58 PM

Christians can be scary. Clowns are scary. The two combined: just evil.

Kryziz

kryziz

Mexico
August 2005

MAR 08, 2007 01:03 PM

if they need touch , you touch them.....that sounds kinky

clowns are intimidating when you see a lot of them in one place.....ah..sure like in a circus?

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

I'm lost
January 2006

MAR 08, 2007 01:10 PM

Ned Flanders sets up shop in cyberspace. Wonderful surreal

dead_angel_girl

dead_angel_girl

Canada
October 2006

MAR 08, 2007 01:10 PM

That honestly made me want to cry. IT WAS SO STUPID. I can appreciate religons becuase they fill a void in someone's soul. BUT FUCK IT ALL TO HELL> i really hate stupid people.


aaaah i really want to cry. frown

to make myself better I'm now going to go to my favortie page besides SG, and forget about those stupid evil men..

ah bliss is ..... YOUPORN biggrin

Ramby

Ramby

Dupont, CO
December 2005

MAR 08, 2007 01:10 PM

Wow, all I can say is wow, I'm sending the Baby got Bible link to my very christian mother , I'm wondering if she will get the humor. Like I said she's christian so probably not tongue

the banana deal was just weird! "The top of the banana is shaped perfectly to go in your mouth" Yep just like a cock, Jesus is amazing...

Brodi

Brodi

St Adolphe, MB
April 2006

MAR 08, 2007 01:13 PM

If I don't like banana's, does that mean I don't like God?
Hrm, time to pull out the ol' devil horns and walk around main street.

Vathek

vathek

Los Angeles, CA
January 2005

MAR 08, 2007 01:26 PM

"Do not stand in a large cluster of clowns" is the best piece of advice I've heard in a long, long time...

Sexdwarf

Sexdwarf

Hermosa Beach, CA
February 2003

MAR 08, 2007 01:36 PM

Sorry man, Christians, Jews and Muslims believe in the same God.
Its the particulars that make 'em different.

I'll stick with PornoTube anyway.

astrogirl84

astrogirl84

Fulton, MO
February 2007

MAR 08, 2007 01:58 PM

RudieCantFail said:
Ned Flanders sets up shop in cyberspace. Wonderful surreal



And it's left-handed compatible.

deusxmachina

deusxmachina

Honolulu, HI
May 2003

MAR 08, 2007 02:30 PM

Godtube: All the Christian videos you can find on Youtube, but without the temptation!

baudot

baudot

Oakland, CA
February 2004

MAR 08, 2007 02:34 PM

Uncognitive said:
"Hey God, thanks for designing cucumbers so that they'd make great dildos. I certainly say your name a lot when I insert one into my ass, so good looking out on that one!"

I'm also wondering why nobody's rushing to give God credit for making poisonous berries, or foodstuffs that are difficult to grow and harvest.


Please film this, call it The Athiest II, and post it to GodTube.
Please.

Guitarsnglasses

Guitarsnglasses

Glendora, CA
July 2005

MAR 08, 2007 02:34 PM

I dont think they need us to rain on their "scientific research", the message boards are already filled with comments on how stupid their videos are.

blackeyed

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