NEWS: Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: Oh. My. GodTube.

CULTURE: Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: Oh. My. GodTube.

In my ongoing quest to discover something, anything to write about, I just came across this: GodTube.

All I can say is, Oh my fucking God. Well, technically, not my God. I’m a deeply secular Jew.

But still, you guys seriously have to check this out!

Here are some of the highlights:

This is a training video for Christian Clowns. You heard me right. CHRISTIAN CLOWNS. I swear on GodTube that I am not joking.

Notice in the video how the clowns sneak up on a bunch of Retirement Home Residents!? If I was in my Eighties, and a group of Christian Clowns suddenly just popped up behind me, I would probably shit myself and then die.

Here's a question -- if your name is Maury, or Abdul, or Tze, and a Christian Clown is responsible for your death, do you still get to go to Heaven?

Up next...

The Athiest (sic)

This video proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Evolution is bunk. Watch how the guy on the right laughs at the “obviousness” of the argument. This video also proves that bananas can make heterosexual Australian Christians seem very, very gay.

If you’re still confused, this very "sci-entific" explanation disproves Evolution…I think. Or, it’s about a woodpecker...or something?

I’d like to close with my favorite. A parody of Sir Mix-A-Lot’s, Baby Got Back, entitled, Baby Got Bible.

“Oh my goodness. Becky, look at her bible! It is so huge!” Good stuff!!!

This site also gives users the ability to upload content. However, as the Suicide Girls community is obviously a place for sinners and/or chronic masturbators, I DO NOT ADVOCATE uploading any content to GodTube.

That would be just plain rude and inappropriate.

Jon_Kesselman is currently happy and healthy. Thanks for asking!

That actually made clowns seem creepier.

My computer refuses to load godtube. Fitting really.

Part of me wants to be really evil and sign up for it, and the other part of me wants nothing to do with it. Dilemma

When I first read your column, I thought you typed that you were "a deeply spectacular Jew," and I think you should start going by that.

Clowns are horrific. Clowns powered by Jesus are the second-scariest thing I've ever seen (the first being clowns fucking).

haha
The death pangs get louder and louder

"Hey God, thanks for designing cucumbers so that they'd make great dildos. I certainly say your name a lot when I insert one into my ass, so good looking out on that one!"

I'm also wondering why nobody's rushing to give God credit for making poisonous berries, or foodstuffs that are difficult to grow and harvest.

oh. my. goodness.

that "baby got bible" one was unbelievable. the lyrics were actually really well done, which makes it even better/worse.

E-vo-l-u-tion is when rocks turn into people 'eh? Guess I learned something new today.

I agree! The whole production on that thing is goddamn impressive. "Cause it's worn, and it's torn - and I know that girl's reborn..."

you mean mike seaver?

"This is a training video for Christian Clowns. You heard me right. CHRISTIAN CLOWNS."

Does this make anybody besides me think of Tammy Fay Bakker??

Christians can be scary. Clowns are scary. The two combined: just evil.

if they need touch , you touch them.....that sounds kinky

clowns are intimidating when you see a lot of them in one place.....ah..sure like in a circus?

Ned Flanders sets up shop in cyberspace. Wonderful

That honestly made me want to cry. IT WAS SO STUPID. I can appreciate religons becuase they fill a void in someone's soul. BUT FUCK IT ALL TO HELL> i really hate stupid people.


aaaah i really want to cry.

to make myself better I'm now going to go to my favortie page besides SG, and forget about those stupid evil men..

ah bliss is ..... YOUPORN

Wow, all I can say is wow, I'm sending the Baby got Bible link to my very christian mother , I'm wondering if she will get the humor. Like I said she's christian so probably not

the banana deal was just weird! "The top of the banana is shaped perfectly to go in your mouth" Yep just like a cock, Jesus is amazing...

If I don't like banana's, does that mean I don't like God?
Hrm, time to pull out the ol' devil horns and walk around main street.

"Do not stand in a large cluster of clowns" is the best piece of advice I've heard in a long, long time...

Sorry man, Christians, Jews and Muslims believe in the same God.
Its the particulars that make 'em different.

I'll stick with PornoTube anyway.

And it's left-handed compatible.

Godtube: All the Christian videos you can find on Youtube, but without the temptation!

Please film this, call it The Athiest II, and post it to GodTube.
Please.

I dont think they need us to rain on their "scientific research", the message boards are already filled with comments on how stupid their videos are.