NEWS: Navy Dolphins Are Protecting Us

CULTURE: Navy Dolphins Are Protecting Us

Running out of ideas on how to protect us from cunning terrorists, the Navy has come up with its best one yet. When they deemed Naval Base Kitsap-Bangor just too vulnerable to terrorist threat, they decided the best way to protect themselves and their country was to use highly trained dolphins and sea-lions.

Finally, I actually feel safe.

Dolphins are able to use their sonar abilities to detect swimmers in the water and drop beacons to indicate to the Navy where this amphibious threat is. Even better is the sea lion.

That must be so satisfying, to reel in a suspected terrorist. I imagine that following the suspected terrorist capture the criminal would be sent off to Guantanamo based on the sea lion's eye witness testimony.

Animal rights activists aren't impressed by these dolphins and sea-lions.

The Navy reluctantly agrees but alternatives such as human interception teams and robots just aren't ready.

A robot is no match for a sea lion with cuffs. So obvious. And humans? Forget about it.

This sounds like something Dr Evil would think up....

Didn't anyone know about this? It is in Command & Conquer Red Alert. The US has Dolphin Teams that shoot out killer sonar waves & the Russians have Giant Squids that crush submarines.

Dude, i'd be impressed if these were Ninja dolphins. Or Pirate Dolphins. Or Robot Dolphins. Trained dolphins? Weak.

With frikken lazers on their heads?

I've been expecting this since Sea Quest.

Well, since half of the American public seems to be reluctant against putting their lives on the line in defense of our country and our freedoms for tens of thousands of dollars per year and good benefits, why not utilize a willing species that will work for mere fish?

Until we get more Nation-wide support for our Military endeavors like we did in the 40's and 50's, I say go for it.

How fucking terrifying would that be? You're swimming along with your dirty bomb headed towards Bangor when you feel something large and slick brush up against you in the icy water. All of a sudden an unseen force starts hauling you heel-first towards the lights of a waiting band of marines
*shudder*

Ummm...these guys have all ready been in place for quite some time in other ports, and they are quite effective. They really are the best defense against rogue swimmers.

He strikes again.

this is old news, that picture has been around since at least 2003, and there were several articles back then about dolphins and sea lions being used by the navy, bioth in port security and mine sweeping.

yep.

i love that game!

The use of Dolphins by the military is nothing new. I you pay close atention to the article they are pulling the animals from San Diego to guard other bases. The marine mamml program is a cold war relic. Still I once heard that the USSR (the Russians for those who do not remember the Berlin wall) trained dogs to charge tanks with explosives on their backs.us War is a bitch...

When the terrorists attack thats when FIipper attacks them right in the gills. That was my idea, it's about time the govt. listens to is people.

Gee, crazy. Next thing you know they'll get really nutty and try to train dogs to smell explosives or something.

Ah-hahahahahaha!




How fast do sea lions swim, anyway?

If they don't start a Sea Lion Cops show, with allathem sea lions all swimmin' after people with cuffs in their mouths, I'ma be so pissed.

Ah-hahahahaha!




I know that none of this is funny, but it's all striking me as hilarious this morning.

Goddamn rogue swimmers.

*chuckles*

Every week when I go whale watching with the Aquarium, we pass the dolphin and sea lion training facility on the way out of the bay. The dolphins they've been training are all in the same family, descending from a particular male.

The REALLY funny thing is, the Navy has just learned that the male dolphin is deaf, meaning his sonar abilities are imparied, and has passed those genes onto his dolphinlings. So. Deaf dolphins using their hearing to fish for terrorists. Go Navy!

I guess I should add that a) the deaf dolphins have been doing a decent job, hence how no one has figured out their problem until now and b) the Navy will be getting a team of fresh-faced, able-bodied dolphins soon. They just have to start from scratch again.

Oh man, we are going to be so fucked when the dolphins turn on us

Marine mammals have been used in military actions for a good long while; and the use of animals to that end, in general, has been going on for millennia.

I personally disagree with this practice, whatever it's efficacy.

havn't they seen that simpsons episode when then dolphins claim the land back....this will all end in tears...

Ehehehehehahahaha!

Nah. When the world ends they'll just leave and thank us for all the fish.

They tried to use dolphins for assault during WWII.

This is not newsworthy.