Lifestyle

TOPICS:

Previous

PAGE: 

1 ... 

130 | 131 | 132

 ... 944

Next

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2

Next

Colin_ORegan

Colin_ORegan

Brooklyn, NY
May 2006

FEB 26, 2007 09:31 PM


Running out of ideas on how to protect us from cunning terrorists, the Navy has come up with its best one yet. When they deemed Naval Base Kitsap-Bangor just too vulnerable to terrorist threat, they decided the best way to protect themselves and their country was to use highly trained dolphins and sea-lions.

Finally, I actually feel safe.

Several options are under consideration, but the preferred plan would be to send as many as 30 California sea lions and Atlantic Bottlenose dolphins from the Navy's Marine Mammal Program, based in San Diego.

"These animals have the capabilities for what needs to be done for this particular mission," said Tom Lapuzza, a spokesman for the Marine Mammal Program.

Dolphins are able to use their sonar abilities to detect swimmers in the water and drop beacons to indicate to the Navy where this amphibious threat is. Even better is the sea lion.

Sea lions can carry in their mouths special cuffs attached to long ropes. If the animal finds a rogue swimmer, it can clamp the cuff around the person's leg. The individual can then be reeled in for questioning.

That must be so satisfying, to reel in a suspected terrorist. I imagine that following the suspected terrorist capture the criminal would be sent off to Guantanamo based on the sea lion's eye witness testimony.

Animal rights activists aren't impressed by these dolphins and sea-lions.

Stephanie Boyles, a marine biologist and spokeswoman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said sea mammals do not provide a reliable defense system, and they should not be kept in small enclosures.

"We believe the United States' citizens deserve the very best defense possible and this just isn't it," Boyles said, adding that dolphins are easily distracted once in open water. "They don't understand the consequences of what will happen if they don't carry out the mission."

The Navy reluctantly agrees but alternatives such as human interception teams and robots just aren't ready.

A robot is no match for a sea lion with cuffs. So obvious. And humans? Forget about it.

Lior

Lior

United Kingdom
August 2005

FEB 27, 2007 04:28 AM

This sounds like something Dr Evil would think up....
surreal

TheThoughtLion

TheThoughtLion

Christmas Island
September 2005

FEB 27, 2007 04:39 AM

Didn't anyone know about this? It is in Command & Conquer Red Alert. The US has Dolphin Teams that shoot out killer sonar waves & the Russians have Giant Squids that crush submarines.

Max16Characters

Max16Characters

Korea, Republic Of
March 2003

FEB 27, 2007 04:47 AM

Dude, i'd be impressed if these were Ninja dolphins. Or Pirate Dolphins. Or Robot Dolphins. Trained dolphins? Weak.

Titsy

Titsy

HOPEFUL

Detroit, MI

FEB 27, 2007 04:49 AM

With frikken lazers on their heads?

Kestrel

Kestrel

Austin, TX
July 2003

FEB 27, 2007 04:51 AM

I've been expecting this since Sea Quest.

Olafthedestroyer

Olafthedestroyer

Blairsville, PA
October 2006

FEB 27, 2007 04:58 AM

Well, since half of the American public seems to be reluctant against putting their lives on the line in defense of our country and our freedoms for tens of thousands of dollars per year and good benefits, why not utilize a willing species that will work for mere fish?

Until we get more Nation-wide support for our Military endeavors like we did in the 40's and 50's, I say go for it.

Ascanius

Ascanius

USA
October 2006

FEB 27, 2007 04:59 AM

How fucking terrifying would that be? You're swimming along with your dirty bomb headed towards Bangor when you feel something large and slick brush up against you in the icy water. All of a sudden an unseen force starts hauling you heel-first towards the lights of a waiting band of marines
*shudder*

jonze

jonze

Willimantic, CT
December 2005

FEB 27, 2007 05:23 AM

Ummm...these guys have all ready been in place for quite some time in other ports, and they are quite effective. They really are the best defense against rogue swimmers.

Necrosis

Necrosis

Australia
January 2006

FEB 27, 2007 05:23 AM

He strikes again.

buggrit

buggrit

Portland, OR
January 2005

FEB 27, 2007 06:24 AM

this is old news, that picture has been around since at least 2003, and there were several articles back then about dolphins and sea lions being used by the navy, bioth in port security and mine sweeping.

fountainofdreams

fountainofdreams

Batavia, IL
January 2005

FEB 27, 2007 06:49 AM

TheThoughtLion said:
Didn't anyone know about this? It is in Command & Conquer Red Alert. The US has Dolphin Teams that shoot out killer sonar waves & the Russians have Giant Squids that crush submarines.



yep.

i love that game!

dorklord

dorklord

Rialto, CA
May 2006

FEB 27, 2007 07:54 AM

The use of Dolphins by the military is nothing new. I you pay close atention to the article they are pulling the animals from San Diego to guard other bases. The marine mamml program is a cold war relic. Still I once heard that the USSR (the Russians for those who do not remember the Berlin wall) trained dogs to charge tanks with explosives on their backs.us War is a bitch...

lint737

lint737

Hollywood, FL
July 2004

FEB 27, 2007 08:08 AM

When the terrorists attack thats when FIipper attacks them right in the gills. That was my idea, it's about time the govt. listens to is people.

BruisedPassion

BruisedPassion

Tucson, AZ
September 2006

FEB 27, 2007 08:26 AM

Gee, crazy. Next thing you know they'll get really nutty and try to train dogs to smell explosives or something.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Here's your sarcasim.

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

FEB 27, 2007 08:32 AM

Sea lions can carry in their mouths special cuffs attached to long ropes. If the animal finds a rogue swimmer, it can clamp the cuff around the person's leg. The individual can then be reeled in for questioning.



Ah-hahahahahaha!




How fast do sea lions swim, anyway?

If they don't start a Sea Lion Cops show, with allathem sea lions all swimmin' after people with cuffs in their mouths, I'ma be so pissed.

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

FEB 27, 2007 08:34 AM

jonze said:
rogue swimmers



Ah-hahahahaha!




I know that none of this is funny, but it's all striking me as hilarious this morning.

Goddamn rogue swimmers.

*chuckles*

catatac

catatac

San Diego, CA
June 2005

FEB 27, 2007 08:48 AM

Every week when I go whale watching with the Aquarium, we pass the dolphin and sea lion training facility on the way out of the bay. The dolphins they've been training are all in the same family, descending from a particular male.

The REALLY funny thing is, the Navy has just learned that the male dolphin is deaf, meaning his sonar abilities are imparied, and has passed those genes onto his dolphinlings. So. Deaf dolphins using their hearing to fish for terrorists. Go Navy! biggrin biggrin biggrin

catatac

catatac

San Diego, CA
June 2005

FEB 27, 2007 09:12 AM

bloomews said:
Every week when I go whale watching with the Aquarium, we pass the dolphin and sea lion training facility on the way out of the bay. The dolphins they've been training are all in the same family, descending from a particular male.

The REALLY funny thing is, the Navy has just learned that the male dolphin is deaf, meaning his sonar abilities are imparied, and has passed those genes onto his dolphinlings. So. Deaf dolphins using their hearing to fish for terrorists. Go Navy! biggrin biggrin biggrin




I guess I should add that a) the deaf dolphins have been doing a decent job, hence how no one has figured out their problem until now and b) the Navy will be getting a team of fresh-faced, able-bodied dolphins soon. They just have to start from scratch again.

astrogirl84

astrogirl84

Fulton, MO
February 2007

FEB 27, 2007 09:22 AM

Oh man, we are going to be so fucked when the dolphins turn on us

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

FEB 27, 2007 09:26 AM

Marine mammals have been used in military actions for a good long while; and the use of animals to that end, in general, has been going on for millennia.

I personally disagree with this practice, whatever it's efficacy.

Vasilisa

Vasilisa

United Kingdom
September 2006

FEB 27, 2007 09:27 AM

havn't they seen that simpsons episode when then dolphins claim the land back....this will all end in tears...

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

FEB 27, 2007 09:31 AM

Vasilisa said:
havn't they seen that simpsons episode when then dolphins claim the land back....this will all end in tears...



Ehehehehehahahaha!

aleksa

aleksa

Tacoma, WA
April 2006

FEB 27, 2007 09:35 AM

astrogirl84 said:
Oh man, we are going to be so fucked when the dolphins turn on us



Nah. When the world ends they'll just leave and thank us for all the fish.

Riva

Riva

Apopka, FL
May 2005

FEB 27, 2007 09:36 AM

They tried to use dolphins for assault during WWII.

This is not newsworthy. whatever whatever whatever

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2

Next