Are you a dick? If you are, chances are your dad is one too. Or at least your mom. Because if you're a dick, you were probably born that way, and there's not much anyone can do about it. It's not your fault. So fuck them. Shit, fuck everybody.

Scientists in America have found that antisocial traits such as being argumentative, bullying and lying are often inherited. The study, which looked at 2,000 children born of 1,000 twins, found that couples that fight a lot may be driven by their genes and pass this trait on to their children, who tend to behave in the same way.

The bad news is that if you're a dick but your parents aren't, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you're adopted. The really bad news is that your real parents aren't these super cool people, and that you're a dick because all along you've kinda known these people weren't your real parents. The truth is, your real parents are dicks.

The implication of the research, conducted by the University of Virginia, is that children with antisocial genes would behave badly even if they had been adopted and brought up in a happy family.

There is some light at the end of the tunnel, just not for you. You're a lost cause, but Terrie Moffitt of the Institute of Psychiatry is using these findings and hoping to diagnose children predisposed to bad behavior i.e. seeing if the parents suck and offering treatment to see if you can prevent such tendencies from developing.

Saraphine

SUICIDEGIRL

Pennsylvania, USA

FEB 10, 2007 06:12 PM

I'm never having kids. Passing along a dick trait is unfair

Trevor

Colorado Springs, CO

July 2003

FEB 10, 2007 06:16 PM

My kids are doomed.

Seriously, doomed.

-T

FireBrand

South River, NJ

December 2004

FEB 10, 2007 06:23 PM

It couldn't possibly be the result of being raised by people who are dicks or fight right? cause children cant possibly learn how to act in public based on their parental archtypes, so instead of trying to better ourselves and right anti social behavior lets all give up and just veg out on medication, cause its not our fault, its our genes!

fucking science.

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA

August 2005

FEB 10, 2007 06:29 PM

Colin, while these studies are potentially interesting, the stories you've linked to don't reference their source, so I expect a good deal of what you're reporting has been more than a little twisted by the media. There is likely a statistically significant increase in antisocial tendencies among children with certain genes. That doesn't mean every person with said gene will be antisocial, but they will have a greater tendency towards it, which will be either amplified or diminished by any number of other factors.

FireBrand said:
fucking science.

You are treading on very thin ice.

private_grave

Belgium

April 2005

FEB 10, 2007 06:32 PM

you'd think anti-social genes would have been bred out by now...

fucking myspace

HeyZeus

Oakland, CA

August 2006

FEB 10, 2007 06:36 PM

Not to be a dick, but that's a pretty lame article; no sources, no discussion of the actual findings. Usually the answer to "is it nature or nurture?" is "both."

FireBrand

South River, NJ

December 2004

FEB 10, 2007 06:43 PM

who me or colin?

PointBlank

New York, NY

November 2004

FEB 10, 2007 06:47 PM

It's true: My ancestors were exiled to America for "Being Jerkes on ye Intarneths"

scarekrow

USA

December 2005

FEB 10, 2007 06:49 PM

Thanks, Mom and Dad!

kaosfactor

Boston, MA

February 2004

FEB 10, 2007 07:04 PM

So exactly how did they isolate the genetics from the environment?

SomethingStupid

North Hollywood, CA

March 2004

FEB 10, 2007 07:04 PM

They need to establish a scientific correllation between people who are total dicks and people who think Atlas Shrugged is a great book.

undershaker

Milwaukee, WI

November 2004

FEB 10, 2007 07:15 PM

PointBlank said:
It's true: My ancestors were exiled to America for "Being Jerkes on ye Intarneths"

Sounds like they might have been exiled for pioneering "time-travel". It frightened the unenlightened in the mass of ignorant, dark ages Europe.

... Anyway, I think that -- scratch that, I know that I give off a dick vibe. Truly, I do. But, the origin of my dickheadedness, & my manner of demonstrating it, don't trace to my father (who is a major dick). I'm more like his father, while he takes after his mother, & my grandfather was never a dick.

I don't get it, I mean.

catdad

Portland, OR

August 2002

FEB 10, 2007 07:38 PM

You can take the dick out of the asshole, but you can't take the asshole out of the dick.

bean

STAFF

Los Angeles, CA

FEB 10, 2007 09:19 PM

HeyZeus said:
Not to be a dick, but that's a pretty lame article; no sources, no discussion of the actual findings. Usually the answer to "is it nature or nurture?" is "both."

Yep. I had a child development professor who drilled into us that the answer to every single question about why we are the way we are was, "the dynamic interaction between genes and environment." It's kind of a cop-out, since it doesn't explain that interaction but it's ultimately the most accurate reasoning since the point is that our genes set a range of possibilities for us, and our environment determines where we fall within that range.

bean

STAFF

Los Angeles, CA

FEB 10, 2007 09:23 PM

kaosfactor said:
So exactly how did they isolate the genetics from the environment?

I could be way off here, because it's been a very long time since I had any exposure to study methodologies, but I believe the point of using twins is that that gives you solid basis for comparing environmental impact, because the genes are the same. Obviously it's more complicated than that, and you'd have to look at twins who grew up in different environments, and even then there's a whole host of other factors to consider, but I think that's the gist of it.