A Moral Issue

So this friend of mine has a theory, it goes like so: He believes that all the good girls (or boys) are taken, and you just have to take them away. I thought this seemed like a somewhat skeazy and possible immoral way to go through life, trying to break up couples. His answer was that if you succeed then they weren't in that great a relationship in the first place.

Any thoughts?

Yeah...no.

Theory: failed.

If you succeed, they aren't good partners.

Really bad idea.

Girls are like parking spaces...all the good ones are taken, the rest are Handicapped

Love that theory, but know that it is COMPLETELY WRONG. There are loads of good girls out there, just quite using them.

I see they model characters in movies from your pal. You know, the idiot sidekick who doesn't know shit about relationships or women but is quick to offer insight to them.

"Now when she says, 'no,' she really means, 'yes.' Oh yeah, baby."

You really should see if there's an Update Patch for your real life Friends List.

"Friend."

hmm so is your pal "successful"?

Ha, yeah actually, this isn't one of those "So this friend of mine has a nasty rash..." sort of things.

And i do know that the central premise of All the good ones are taken is incorrect, I was more wondering what people thought of the "If you can break them up then it wasn't a good relationship" part. Not because i want to try it, just because i couldn't come up with a good rebuttal for it.

Your friend fails to recognize that some of the good girls and boys are the only ones who keep their current mates from spilling over into that "bad girls and boys" category and, in the process of trying to break a good person from their borderline psychotic significant other, he COULD very well end up in a shallow grave with his severed wedding tackle lodged in his throat. Just a thought...

The rebuttal? How could your friend ever trust anyone who has an established history of cheating to be faithful to him?

I'm curious if the op really has any question about this. ?

gee ya think ?


I find it hard to believe you consider this something of a grey area, a big moral quandry for ya.

Sounds like a lazy method of identifying a potentially 'good' girl/guy, not to mention another way to justify covetting someone you can't/shouldn't have.

Trying to break a couple up says more about your own lack of integrity than it does the integrity of their relationship. Personally I wouldn't be able to enjoy the spoils of such a pursuit since it smacks of cynicism, and I prefer to keep romance and cynicism separate in my life.

Woa, never said anything about cheating, more break up first then date.

Also, a personal story in his favor, which i didn't mention when we were arguing about it, was something that happened to me. I was going out with this girl for several years, she met this guy who was fairly obviously going after her, we broke up she started going out with him. But here's the thing. I realized after i had gotten over it that it wasn't a good relationship. We were both trying really hard to be people we weren't anymore to keep the relationship going. If that dude hadn't happened we probably would have gotten married, divorced and it would have taken alot longer to figure out that it wasn't going to work.

And i think a lot of people do this, they drift along in so-so relationships just cause it's easier then really examining it and seeing that it isn't working.

OK, not to be a dick, but that translates into, "I'm too weak and ignorant to get out of bad relationships and I need other guys to come in and see if they can steal my girlfriends so I don't screw up both of our lives by getting married when neither of us want to."

Have you ever considered the fact that maybe you aren't mature enough to have a steady relationship?

HA! Damn dude, little harsh. That was a long time ago. I'm not much like the me i was then. And if you've never screwed up something in a relationship then you are a better man then, well, pretty much anyone.

I really don't think it's that uncommon for people to just coast along in neutral in a relationship without thinking about it. I'm not saying it's good, i'm just saying it's common.

that's skeazy....
all forms of just plain wrong.

that's like cracking a wall with a hammer and saying, "it's not my fault It cracked, the wall should have been stronger."

all relationships take work, and have their weak moments.

tell your friend he's retarded

I never said I've never screwed things up or had things screwed up by someone else in a relationship. Don't look look for comments or statements that aren't there.

And I totally agree that far too many people coast in relationships - and more importantly, in marriages, which is why my current girlfriend and I have decided we'd rather just stay dating/living together. My general belief towards marriage is that one or more persons feel too comfortable once married (or in a lengthy relationship for that matter) and stop trying at the relationship.

I'm not saying that marriage is a bad thing or that it's a waste...but I think far too many people jump into it as evidenced by our divorce rates. Just a personal decision that I've made for mmyself.

See that's what i keep tripping over here, I have known a lot of people in shitty relationships that would fall apart with one good push. So is it wrong to be that push?

Should you just walk away thinking "Damn, that could have been perfect. But I must respect the sanctity of their crappy, dysfunctional relationship."?

Moral issues aside, I wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't able to get out of a crappy, disfunctional relationship without a push.

yeah you should....
you know why?....cause it isn't your realtionship and you have no right or say.

And a person thinking that they and one of the people would make a good pair, isn't a vaild excuse.
They may be just going from one crappy relationship to the other.

It just boils down to a person being impatient and selfish, because they want something they can't have.

Dunno, I haven't gone after someone who's already in a relationship in........years. I guess reflecting back on it now, I unconsciously realized that girls that had been out of a relationship for a while and were single had much less baggage than those currently in a bad relationship. I typically prefer stronger girls though. I'm not really a fan of the needy insecure types that "have" to be in a relationship. I think a lot of us have been in that position...where we just want someone just to not be lonely. I know I've done it before....and I wasn't a person that I'd want to be with back then. I think the girls who dated me during those times were either retarded or just used me for my new Nintendo 64.

See the part of this i have to disagree with is the bit about having no say. I feel like in the case of friends for instance you have every right to tell them that they are in a shitty relationship and should dump the guy/girl. And they have every right to tell you to fuck off and die.

It's just not that black and white. If someone you know is in a relationship with someone that treats them like shit, whether or not you are interested in them i don't think the ideal thing to do as a friend is to just sit there and smile.

It's tempting to decide what's right or wrong for someone else....but when it comes down to it, they will have learned nothing or at the best very little if they don't develop the skills and abilities to walk out of shitty relationships on their own.

Proverb: A lesson will continue presenting itself until it has been learned.