NEWS: Dear Santa

CULTURE: Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year all I want is a puppy that speaks English perfectly. I'd call him Bruiser. He would love me.

Merry Christmas,
Colin.

I miss writing Santa. Christmas hasn't felt the same since.

You can still write to Santa, though. In fact, if you write North Pole – and that's all you need to write – on the front of an envelope it will arrive to a town in Alaska where volunteers are hard at work reading and answering childrens' letters the world over. Should you include your return address you are guaranteed a response, and mailing to the North Pole requires no postage stamp (although, you're big kids and should pay up.)

North Pole, Alaska is a town of 1,600 people and street lights are giant candy cane illumination machines and street names include Santa Claus Lane and Kris Kringle Drive. I want to move there right now.

It's crunch time in the North Pole right now with letters flooding in at roughly 6000 a day. Dozens of volunteers are working hard getting replies ready for the kids. The responses are preprinted and signed by elves. (I looked, I couldn't find a copy of one online.)

From the AP:

Volunteers assume the roles of elves and general Santa assistants.

Whoever you are anonymous note man you're awesome. The money was used to pay postage for replies.

Should you decide to write Santa this year don't be a cheapskate, please include return postage.

That's so freaking cute. It almost makes me wish I hadn't told my daughter that Santa doesn't exist.

I'm writing.

part of me wants children to discover this fact and understand it.

Dear Santa,
You don't exist. Please vanish into thin air. I refute your existence.

Thanks,
ML

Dear Fake Santa,
I'm sending you 100 hookers for being cool.

Your's,
ML

Man, I kept believing for far longer than I should have. I'll believe pretty much anything if you tell it to me nicely enough.

I love Santa so much. <3

It's nice to know that there are still people out there that are doing some good, I would love to see the faces of these kids when they receive a letter. I know my daughter was so excited to email Santa lol she had lots of fun with emailsanta.com

If you touch it, we'll fly to the moon.

I dropped this in the mail this evening, written in crayon of course.


Dear Satan,

Do you have anyone to manage the 6th circle of Hell?

If not, are you accepting applications at this time? I can fax you my resume.

Best Regards,

M.R.

Awwww! That's so cool. I can't wait until my girls are old enough to write Santa.

I almost wish I had my own children to tell this info to. Almost.

Dear Santa,
I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus will do. Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy.

"Where's my ELEPHANT!?"

he's not real?

The same kind of thing happens here in Indiana, in the town of Santa Claus. Nice of the residents of either town to volunteer to answer the mail; y'gotta wonder what the post office did before such volunteers stepped up.

I'm sure it's a little sad to do the volunteer work-- I'm not sure if I could deal with the kids asking for their parents to come back home. Somehow a form letter from an elf doesn't seem appropriate.

My boyfriends' oldest daughter Raven (9years old) told her two other sisters Randi (6yrs) and Alice (5yrs) there is no Santa and that their dad and I buy them their gifts and write the Santa notes. It's a shame they have form letters though, because a letter from "Santa" notifying her that he knows the tale of how she made her younger sisters cry their freakin eye balls out because their big sister told them to stop believing because it was stupid and say something like "We know what you did and you're lucky you got the presents you did this year but next year if you still say Santa isn't real, then you won't get a damn thing you ungrateful little shit." Well...perhaps not as harshly worded (although it would amuse me) but seriously this little drama queen brat of ours needs to learn to be courteous and caring and think before she opens that negative trap of hers. She really is my problem step-daughter out of our four and I would love to re-instill the fear that being naughty gets her no presents from Jolly Ol Saint Nick. I should fill her stocking with coal and then give her presents that say from Dad and Step-mom after her sisters have opened all the ones from "Santa" and say...."Oh well, Santa left us this note that says since you don't believe in him anymore and you made your sisters cry he only left coal in your stocking and told us we had to get you presents instead because he only gives presents to good children that believe in him and love him." That'll teach her. Being a parent can be such a task sometimes.

I stayed in North Pole when I was up in Alaska. It is a tiny little town not too far from Fairbanks. Somebody told me the town was incorporated hoping it would become a distribution point for major toy retailers.

Wait, so our parents are actually Santa Clause????? This would explian why he never delivered on that prostitute I have asked for every year for the past 10 years.

Thanks a bundle!!! I had no idea how helpful SG.com would turn out to be.

No, you should have the coal have
be From God, and the good presents
from Santa. I mean, Santa exists
a lot more than that shit.

They pay no taxes, get $5000 a year for evry year they live in the state, AND get to liver in the coolest town EVER.

I'm seriously considering moving there

Definitely coal & switches for the nasty one. And maybe a present, like "Bob's Big Bag of Socks" or something. (They're oatmeal-and neon-orange. That should fix her.)

And flood the younger ones with every cheery Christmasy thing you can think of. Movies, incessant Christmas music, making cookies, and all that other merriment, You can also help them make special reindeer chow to put out with Santa's cookies (spray Cheerios with water and srinkle with glitter. The reindeer love it. ) It's really true, you can't do enough to make Christmas magical for a child.

And maybe if the older one refuses to come around, you can tell her (away from the little ones) that no, Santa isn't a real guy who drives a sleigh and delivers presents (you're lying at this point, of course). Santa is the SYMBOL of Christmas, he is the visual representation of the spirit of giving to those you love and those less fortunate. How can that possibly be bad? And how dare she ruin that wonderful feeling for anyone else. Example goes a long way too. If you show that YOU believe by not letting her jeerings ruffle your feathers, that will give some hope to the younger ones.

Peace, Love and Santa

I wonder if there's a sinister side, I imagine all those wishlists from an important consumer class and people replying to them is marketing gold.

Wait. I don't get it. Why do the letters go to volunteers in Alaska instead of to Santa himself? He lives at the real North Pole. He told me lat year over coffee with Elvis at Dunkin' Donuts.

Seriously, though, that is a cute story.

What goes "Ho Ho Ho >Plop<" ?

Santa Claus laughing his head off.