NEWS: Bad Sex Awards!

CULTURE: Bad Sex Awards!

The next time you have bad sex, write it down. You could win a prize! Not for the sex, but for the writing. And Courtney Love is gonna give it to you. Talk about a silver-lining!

For 14 years now, the Literary Review has held the annual Bad Sex in Fiction award. This year's award was presented by Ms. Love to first time novelist Iain Hollinshead. With his debut Twenty Something, Hollinshead (25) is the youngest to claim the prize and crushed the competition, including best seller Mark Haddon and Booker Nominee David Mitchell.

Here's an excerpt from the winning passage:

Ooh yeah!

Judges say the trick behind his win was his use of the word "bulging":

Sore loser, Tim Willcocks was runner up with his The Religion, a medieval action novel, which, judging from his sample passage, I can see why he might be contesting the verdict:

Why Mister Willcocks, I didn't know you had it in you. "A prayer of his own within her body"? That's poetry! Hollinshead's "pure white?"—that shit is kinda played!

During his concession speech, Tim went on to say that the coveted award is the only one worth having:

However, the award is really meant to punish authors of otherwise good novels.

I'm in Willcocks' corner on this one. I bet if they collected all the passages together in a single compendium, the compilation would outsell the source works combined.

i'm not altogether sure there's any such thing as "bad sex," even in bad pulp novels.

"I'm in Willcocks' corner on this one. I bet if they collected all the passages together in a single compendium, the compilation would outsell the source works combined."

Surely. If I had any shame, I'd be embarrassed to admit that I'd buy it, but I don't, and I would. If bad sex is going to be a part of my life, I'd prefer it to be in a literary anthology rather than in my bed.

Reminds me of a kitchen sex thing I won 50 bucks for fromm Penthouse Letters or something when back I was 13. I bet if I could read it now decades later, I'd cringe.

I wonder if this is part of Courtney Love's community service.

So where do I sign up?

Last time I had sex. Roughly 24 hours ago, we were copulating happilly as a pair of over-zealous manatees would and there was a slight slip followed by a sharp snap. Intercourse was not stopped by pain as much as by the shocked feeling of wee Seb. He decided quickly and without remorse that playtime was over and that his master* had to roll over and play dead for a while.

Things have been ok since, in case you are worried.

*who is in control is a matter of opinion and/or alcohol content.

Sounds more like sex in bad fiction to me.

If you haven't had bad sex yet, you just need more experience. Keep trying, it's out there.

They haven't collected it? I thought they had.

14 years i should have entered at least twice by now

Entered twice in 14 years? Married, huh?

Matrimonics Anonymous is next door.

love...you...so...much!

Thats so funny.. I was just telling someone how the last time I had sex was the most, awkward, uncomfortable, mini-vomits during the whole 5 mins, of "oooh are you in yet?" to " ooh.. yes, you are so good, I cannot beleive I went 5 years with all these other loosers, when you are by far my greek god of love"

how do I enter?

*rimshot*