NEWS: Man Sticks Baby in Freezer, Man Goes to the Cooler

CULTURE: Man Sticks Baby in Freezer, Man Goes to the Cooler

A Canadian man has brought a stunned hush to dead baby joke lovers everywhere.

Derrick Hardy of Prince Edward Island was arrested last week for putting his girlfriend's 10-month-old daughter in the the freezer in an attempt to reduce her stubborn fever. Derrick Hardy is charged with criminal negligence and assault on an infant. He pleads not guilty to both. Unfortunately, a man can not legally be charged with Stupid.

According to the CBC (the Canadian Broadcasting Corp.), the mother came home to find her daughter crammed into the freezer between the ice cubes and frozen burgers (dude, you take the burgers out, then put the baby in). Hardy claims to have left the door ajar, but it had somehow closed before the mother's return.

The house must be haunted!

Stupid people: if after hearing this story, you still think putting a baby in the freezer might be your best course of action, please keep a close eye on the door of the freezer, lots of them actually close automatically. Parents, after reading this, please put signs on your freezers and ovens, dishwashers, laundry machines, and other possibly lethal appliances in which babies can fit, warning off ignorant people with something like: PLEASE DON'T PUT MY BABY IN HERE!

Amazingly, Hardy came up with the freezer idea after several other failed courses of action. He started with a cool cloth, but found that this hadn't the immediate effects he required. A trip outside into the cold night air also did not have satisfying results. Weird, those usually work for me. Maybe he should have tried hosing it down.

Finally, weighing his options, he decided a cold bath might result in the baby's drowning, so he stuck her in the freezer and apparently got back to whatever he was doing before being interrupted. I hate to say it, but it was probably watching hockey.

I'm Canadian, I can say that.

Since her rescue, the little girl has spent several days recovering from 1st and 2nd degree freezer burns to the head and torso. Hardy insists the child could not have been in the freezer for more than 40 seconds. Hardy admitted to the police and the Prince Edward Island courts that he had "no real parenting skills to deal with a sick child."

Thanks Hardy, we were confused about that.

The baby is now in her grandmother's custody and oddly seems to possess the latent mutant ability to freeze moisture in the air.

wow.........wow....i think my 6month old cousin couldve taken better care of the 10month old kid......god damn people are frekin idiots.

Oh, my stars and garters!

That's a beautiful phrase that I just don't hear enough.

Okay, I want to preface the following remarks with the fact that I wish no harm on this child and am glad things worked out as well as they did, considering. I hope she has a great recovery.

That said, I still have to admit that I laughed out loud at

and

+1

Wow. That's just stupidity at it's finest.

Was the baby romantically linked with a superhero in the recent past?

What's worse: freezer burnt baby or microwave burnt baby?

He really was thinking of the baby's saftey. He didn't give the child a cold bath in fear of her drowning. And yes, I do believe it was a freezer ghost who shut the door. Also, a dry diaper may have prevented some of that freezer burn. ... and yes, oh my stars and garters!

to avoid freezer burn, wrap in plastic wrap first

well i hate baby jokes to start with and i have the most sardonic humor ever, and despite the seriousness of the matter, I laughed my ass off reading it. thanks SG once again, always a ray of sunlight in snow drenched utah.

The headline made me laugh hysterically before I even opened the article. Once I opened it and read that one of the tags was "10 month old", I really laughed. I mean, who is going to search for an article with that?

Kinda looks like a frozen baby robot.

Cryogenic baby room?

Poor baby.

'You are not sending me to the cooler!''

a bun in the (microwave) oven?

Wouldn't a sensible person take the ice out of the freezer and put that on the baby?

unbelievable. had he never heard of baby tylenol? or hey, calling his local dr's office? no, no, clearly the most sensible course of action was to cram the child in the freezer, it's so obvious. jesus fucking christ.

what. the. fuck?!?

if anyone ever did that with my baby, "innocent" intentions or not, it's chainsaw and garbage bag time.

stupid stupid stupid.

DUH... no.

ice melts outside of the freezer, silly. to keep it cold you have to put the baby in the ice, not the ice on the baby.

oh gawd i can't even joke about it and not feel horrible.

what the crap?!?!!

freezer burns!