NEWS: The Hoff Threatens to Cut Your Dick Off

CELEB: The Hoff Threatens to Cut Your Dick Off

If you’re considering courting one of David Hasselhoff’s teenage daughters, you may want to think again. It seems the Hoff lacks impulse control when it comes to sixteen year old Taylor Ann and fourteen year old Hayley. Hoff admitted to Elle magazine he’s just a tad overprotective, going as far as threatening potential suitors.

That would be a bummer. The Hoff in prison means no new Hoff music. Dave, please consider the ramifications of your actions; you can’t expect the Germans to live off “Jump in My Car” forever.

don't scoff at the hoff

Overprotective is better than not caring, and you have to admit it's a very good threat.

When the Knight Rider says he's going to cut off my dick, I am officially on Best Behaviour Forever.

Having your dick cut off is probably less torturous than having him sing in front of you.

What? You mean you don't think that songs a classic?

depends on the actual "hurting" action. Everyone gets their heart broken at some point in their life... I will be there for my daughters but i cant retaliate against some poor guy simply because he no longer wants to date my daughter or he cheated on her. HOWEVER... if a boy physically hurt one of my daughters... i really just have no idea what i would do

"jump off a roof"

please don't ever link this again....

Y'know, with all the money that guy has, you'd think he'd be able to afford a better video...and maybe someone else to sing the song.

He is totally awesome. This is just more evidence towards that fact.

That is amazing. I love it. I love him. I wonder if he'd want to get with a gal like me.

lmao Look out boys, he may get Kitt to run you down!

OK, this is obviously a strech as far as the topic goes...but have anyone watched Hogan Knows Best?

Hulk would make some pretty hardcore rules for his daughter Brooke but has completely different rules for his son. It's interesting that he doesn't want any guy hitting on his daughter or doing anything with her that he doesn't approve of but doesn't heed any of these warnings for his son. You'd think anyone who watches out that much for a daughter would want the son to have the same respect towards someone else's daughter...instead, it seems to be a double-standard of, "Oh well, at least it's not my daughter."

Um, Jane? Budget cuts have reduced Kitt down to a Ford Festiva with a Speak-N-Spell attached to the dashboard. :|

So why in his new video do the girls look young enough to be his daughters.
If he is so worried about them dating older guys then he should set the example.

Was the Hoff separated from Borat at birth?

i can imagine a scene much like the one from resevoir dogs where the hoff prances around singing while slowly shopping away at some poor bastard's cock.

it's...sort of...a poor man's "paradise by the dashboard light"...only...

i need to lay down.

I definately want to jump in his car.

Random thought: He should record an album and call it "Please Hassel, Don't Hoff 'Em"

I'm totally down with that idea, so long as the Hoff doesn't wear parachute pants on the album cover.

My boyfriend's dad has told my boyfriend to cheat on me, that he should be going out and getting laid every night, and that what I don't know won't hurt me (I live in a different state from them at the moment).

When my boyfriend came to visit, he told him "Now don't get her pregnant, but if you could get a blowjob out of her that would be awesome" and when I visited he made it obvious he thought we were having sex, and he was pretty happy that his son was getting laid (I guess because that means his son isn't gay?). I found out at the begining of my visit that my boyfriend's younger sister isn't allowed to even have a boy in her room, and his dad wouldn't say any of this in front of her. My father died before I was born, but it seems parents (fathers especially) are very protective (such as Hasselhoff) of their daughters... I think partially because girls are the ones who can get pregnant and have their whole life ruined, while the guy only has to chose to take responsibility and possibly ruin his life.

Even worse, he's threatened to tie them to chair and subject them to this:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

-TM

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no more hasselhoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!