_Dictionary Devotchka_ Does Eastern Bloc!

Oh, hello again!

Some eighty-to-ninety-odd years ago, great-grandparents I never met sailed across the sea from the USSR (Estonia and Georgia, I believe) in search of a better life. They were good, humble, god-fearing Jews who worked hard just to survive and carve out a slice of life in this place we call America, and if they could see their great-granddaughter now... well...

They'd probably slap her for being insolent and making fun of their food.



So, this summer (and now into autumn) I've been interning at the grooviest little literary agency this side of the Mississippi. Thoroughly awesome as it may be, however, its office resides in a rather unassuming little business complex in a quieter part of town. Today I got there a little early and realized that I was starving, but the obvious Starbucks just wasn't appealing to me, so I decided to take a walk around and check out the parts of the complex I hadn't yet explored, in the hopes of something new and exciting (and hopefully filling). Much to my delight, in the most unlikely of places, I found perhaps the most wonderful store in the world.



I saw the sign from a little ways off and was thrilled, thinking of croissants and manchego cheese, but that's the wrong part of Europe altogether. The Europe contained in this store is full of weird canned fish, powdered soup, and Gefilte. It's like a little piece of the Eastern Bloc right here in our own backyard. I spent about ten minutes in there, just browsing through the labels while the shopkeeper woman eyed me warily. As I scanned the drinks aisle, my eyes came to rest on different flavors of a particular brand: cream soda, normal enough... pear, a little strange for a soda but fine... and then...



NAPITKI IZ CHERNOGOLOVKI: MAGIC BELL FLAVOR
Ost-Company, Noginsk District, Moscow, Russia

Magic Bell flavor! Like some kind of +2 Spirit power-up from the heavens.

I pressed $1.68 into the shopkeeper's hands and dashed off to work, intending to save it for when I got home. It was a slow day. I spent most of the day in the office alone, while everyone else ran off on outside tasks. I stared at the bottle on my desk. It stared at me. Finally, after about twenty minutes or so, I could stand it no longer. I lunged for the bottle and gave in.



Some research reveals that Ost-Company does also make Shustov vodka, but that's no excuse. I guess that's the difference between here and the old country. The label also says "natural flavoring lemon-lime type." Lemon-lime type? As familiar and reassuring as that is, I'm a little leery of any Siberian-climate country claiming to be experts on any type of citrus fruit. Chernogolovka is also home to a number of chemical physics research insitutions. They're not fooling anyone.



Sure it may smell like a research lab on lemon clones, but at least it's made with real sugar which is more than I can say about anything produced here. This actually probably beats the health pants off of 7-Up. It's Chernogolovka, not Chernobyl.



Not bad, not bad! But would it make the home stretch?



DAMN! Tagged out by a hearty helping of mouth-puckering horror, just as it rounded third. So that's why Smirnoff Ice tastes the way it does. It's the Soviet interpretation of lemonade. It's a tragedy, really. I drank maybe a quarter of the bottle before I was forced to retire it in the garbage can, but I will say this: as hungry as I was when I first walked into Continent Deli Market, after a few sips of Magic Bell drink I was put off from eating for hours.

So maybe the bell was for +2 Stamina instead?

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P.S. ~ Post-Script apologies for the unfortunate last thread...

You're amazing.

Ahahahahahaaaa . . .

And no matter how bad this drink was you'll find yourself looking at the weird drinks next time you're in a store. "Sour Plum Tea" - 'how bad can it be?' right?

So it wasn't magic bell flavored then?

thank jesus you're back. i cry, "more, more, more!"

Oh, you'd better believe it. I've got internship again tomorrow, and I'll be there bright and early.

I guess "magic bell" is Russian for "strange incomprehensible non-indigenous citrus fruits with which we flavor our vodka spritzers."

Please keep eating a drinking weird foods it saves me from having to

for this, i promise to send you ten thousand misspelt accolades.

_DG_ is the Muhammad Ali of SG, standing over the rest of us lowly Sonny Listons.

That was probably standard Russian "limonad" not to be confused with actual lemonade. I had some once, when I was taking Russian. It...uh...wound up sitting in the back of the fridge for another...oh, year, maybe two, almost untouched.

Probably became a new life form.

You should have a newswire section all to yourself. Seriously.

Russian lemonade is awful. It is a strange "industrial fizz" as some people have described it.

I ordered "lemon juice" off of a menu once because I assumed they were trying to contrast American-style lemonade with the crap they normally drink ("limonad"). They brought me out a full glass of pure lemon juice...

Russian cream soda is awesome, by the way.

I love you.

This all makes a lot of sense. It couldn't be anything else but Limonad. Yikes. "Industrial Fizz" is a damn good way to describe it.

That would be a dream come true. I just need to know how and to whom to go about asking...

Float like a butterfly, holmes. That's how we do. *punches air*

You're pretty articulate for a chick with such choice cans.

Well hey, I didn't get all that college edjuhmuhcation for nothin'!

I bought a ukranian beer from a russian street vendor once, and the relentless pain I endured for the next four days just about killed me.

oh, my favorite part? starting with "oh, hello again!" like you didn't see us here.

I must seek this out.

Think of it like I just lit a pipe whilst in a big giant velvet chair next to a fireplace, and then suddenly looked up.

You know I only say crass stuff like that because I think the world of you right?

Oh come on now. I wouldn't have dignified it with a response if I didn't know you're an aces kind of guy.