NEWS: Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: Ow!

CULTURE: Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: Ow!

Kesselman here. I fucked up my back a few days ago. Therefore, there won't be a column this week.

I'm standing as I write this because I can't sit. Long story short, I started to exercise again after a year hiatus because apparently "it's good for you."

It's not.

I hurt my back because of exercise. Don't listen to those people who say "it's good for you." I've become strangely suspicious that these people might be under the employ of either the Orthopedic Lobbyist Association (OSA) or The Vicodin Manufacturers Of America (VMOA). I'd do more research for us, but I can't sit.

However, please heed my words: DO NOT EXERCISE! It's dangerous and unfun. Also, while Vicodin is an amazing drug (it makes you feel fuzzy and warm), I think it might be highly addictive. There are evil forces at work trying to "get you into shape." Rebel against the urge to do so, you'll only end up in pain, addicted to drugs, and unable to work.

Talk to you next week...

JK


Jon_Kesselman is the filmmaker responsible for THE HEBREW HAMMER. He is currently in pain, unable to sit, potentially addicted to Vicodin, and out of commission for the week. He'll be back next week. BTW, do you have any extra Vicodin?

I did a sit-up once

And you captured it on film for your profile pic.

Finally, an article about exercise I agree with.
Naptime.

I vicodin . I tweaked my neck a few weeks ago & still have 3 or 4 left over that I save for special occasions , like when work is killing my again body .

A scholar with great ideas. Hope you feel better soon.