NEWS: "I Swear to Christ, This is Totally Tom's Child"

CELEB: "I Swear to Christ, This is Totally Tom's Child"

After months of speculation, rumor, and innuendo, Vanity Fair displayed the first photos baby Suri, the offspring of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. What was the general public’s first reaction to seeing the child of Xenu? Well, some thought she looked like an Asian dude with some awesome hair plugs, but still even the most cynical admitted the kid was fucking gorgeous. Awww.

Her parents showed Suri off in the new issue of Vanity Fair. The issue, which for some ungodly reason has an astounding twenty-two pages dedicated to the family, hit newsstands today. Inside the mag, Holmes’ voiced her frustration concerning the media’s speculation that her baby might be an alien.

The story's editor, Jane Sarkin, excitedly discussed how fucking awesome it was shooting the miracle baby and her mommy and daddy over the course of five days.

Well, not until he needs to promote his next movie, of course.

i don't care what Vanity Fair says, that's a fucking pod baby.

She's the moonchlid that L. Ron and Jack Parson's never produced!

No human baby has eyes that piercing or that blue. That baby knows something.

That baby is an alien.... it is L Ron Hubbards soul manifested into an alien being which, in turn, is created as a human child...

I will bet money on that. hahaha

it's the anti-christ! the whole "spawn of Xenu" is simply a cover!

Shouldn't the title of this article be "I swear to Xenu, This is Totally Tom's Child"?

i think Oprah is the father

What's the CW saying about this?I want PointBlanks take on this right now!!!

What the heck are you talking about? All babies eyes are that color when they're first born.

o_0

What really sucks is that if you think Tom and Kate are brainwashed by scientology, imagine growing up inside the cult from day one [in addition to bein raised by nutjob parents]. That kid is going to be one serious head case.

i think she's cute, but all babies are....and also she kinda looks like a boy doesn't she

Spawn of Xenu would be about the closest thing scientology has to the idea of the antichrist I think.

You have to remember that isn't a kid, it is thousands of years old.

CW has decided she's an Asian Hitler who is approx three years old. So basically, we totally called it.

Isn't that kid a little young for a rug?

I do feel bad for Katie Holmes, hearing that sort of thing is bound to eat at a new mother (funny though it may all be )

Thats the child of a 1000 turkey basters......but she is cute.

yeah, i agree!
That baby is sooooo cute tho she kinda does look like a boy

That's a hell of an impressive cover shot.


Daniel

she's gorgeous

30 years time that kid will either be in thearapy or jail

i mean tom cruise is your dad ??!!!

just right for a life in hollywood!

Ba-ZING!