Former actor and current Christian nut-job Stephen Baldwin has some advice for married couples. He believes couples should invite God into their bedroom for a little threesome action.

"I like to ask friends of mine, happy couples who seem to have a pretty good marriage, I will ask them, 'How's your sex life?'" Alec Baldwin's little brother writes in a new book excerpted in the upcoming Esquire mag. "They will say something like pretty good or okay or no complaints here. Here's what I tell them: Imagine taking a healthy sex life and inviting the power of God into that exchange."

Aside from his threeway with God fantasy, Baldwin seems to have a hard on for Jesus as well, imagining him as a real rough and tumble sort of fella.

"I'd always imagined Jesus was the sweet, cuddly, loving dude, and suddenly I find out he makes Conan the Barbarian look like Conan the wimp," he says. "He didn't come with a guitar singing Kum Ba Yah. Jesus brought a sword to the earth, and he is still swinging it."

Resistance is futile.

"God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to do. And if you try to stop me, I am going to break your face."

I prefer a broken face over that fruitcakes freaky Jesus fantasies. By the way, Baldwin, what would Jesus do?

Photo Location

Margot_Dent

Los Angeles, CA

February 2004

AUG 12, 2006 04:06 PM

jesus would certainly NOT wear a headband.

KreepyKen

Portland, OR

July 2003

AUG 12, 2006 04:08 PM

I wanna see Stephen Baldwin vs. Tom Cruise in the octagon.

MrStitches

Brooklyn, NY

November 2003

AUG 12, 2006 04:10 PM

"God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to do. And if you try to stop me, I am going to break your face."

He really, actually said that? Because I hate Stephen Baldwin and that is the best thing I have ever heard in my life. I'm so fucking conflicted now.

captainhazzard

United Kingdom

February 2006

AUG 12, 2006 04:12 PM

KreepyKen said:
I wanna see Stephen Baldwin vs. Tom Cruise in the octagon.

Stephen would kick his ass, surely?

And as above, did he really say that? Thats not very Christian!

RobAnybody

Germany

May 2005

AUG 12, 2006 04:14 PM

I was never happier that I do not belong to the youth of America.

Margot_Dent

Los Angeles, CA

February 2004

AUG 12, 2006 04:17 PM

MrStitches said:

"God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to do. And if you try to stop me, I am going to break your face."

He really, actually said that? Because I hate Stephen Baldwin and that is the best thing I have ever heard in my life. I'm so fucking conflicted now.

jesus is love....... or something

zyryx

Tyler, TX

April 2004

AUG 12, 2006 04:33 PM

CaptainHazzard said:

KreepyKen said:
I wanna see Stephen Baldwin vs. Tom Cruise in the octagon.

Stephen would kick his ass, surely?

And as above, did he really say that? Thats not very Christian!

since when do christians worry about being "christian"? who care what thier bible says... what would "W" do?

pascipio

Irving, TX

July 2002

AUG 12, 2006 04:43 PM

Not a Baldwin out that is not crazy.

pascipio

Irving, TX

July 2002

AUG 12, 2006 04:43 PM

Not a Baldwin out that is not crazy.

mrnonel

Los Angeles, CA

August 2004

AUG 12, 2006 05:00 PM

KreepyKen said:
I wanna see Stephen Baldwin vs. Tom Cruise in the octagon.

...and the winner gets a match with a drunk Mel Gibson.

photoline

Edmonton, AB

January 2005

AUG 12, 2006 05:01 PM

Give him a machine gun and send him to Iraq, if he wants to save America so bad.....

Walker

Redmond, OR

March 2005

AUG 12, 2006 05:09 PM

Bio-Dome...

Yeah I got nothing.

attn_ho

Brooklyn, NY

February 2004

AUG 12, 2006 05:20 PM

hes been taking... poetry lessons from Zorak?

Quirky

Birmingham, AL

October 2005

AUG 12, 2006 05:21 PM

He looks like an extra from Waterworld.

azathoth42

Dallas, TX

September 2004

AUG 12, 2006 05:22 PM

Does, "Jesus fuckin' Christ!, I'm cumming!", count?

bcguitar33

Jamaica Plain, MA

January 2004

AUG 12, 2006 05:28 PM

I invite you to break my face, Mr. Baldwin, because there's no way you're going to make my kids into Christian "disciples." Also, where do you get the psycho-bibles with the violent Jesus? That sounds like good reading.

Almost_Eric

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

July 2006

AUG 12, 2006 05:35 PM

I would totally invite Jesus into my bed.....

He is HUNG! like this!

Aaronsrod

Australia

November 2003

AUG 12, 2006 05:53 PM

Margot_Dent said:

MrStitches said:

"God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to do. And if you try to stop me, I am going to break your face."

He really, actually said that? Because I hate Stephen Baldwin and that is the best thing I have ever heard in my life. I'm so fucking conflicted now.

jesus is love....... or something

although apparently nothing says love quite like a punch in the face, just ask any christian wife beater.

starguitar

Canada

August 2004

AUG 12, 2006 06:03 PM

Walker said:
Bio-Dome...

Yeah I got nothing.

Au contraire, that is the best thing I read in this whole thread! hahaha

Bastardo

Boston, MA

January 2005

AUG 12, 2006 06:04 PM

Loving Jesus apparently bloats people.

_DictionaryGirl_

NEWSWIRE

San Diego, CA

AUG 12, 2006 06:25 PM

Margot_Dent said:

MrStitches said:

"God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to do. And if you try to stop me, I am going to break your face."

He really, actually said that? Because I hate Stephen Baldwin and that is the best thing I have ever heard in my life. I'm so fucking conflicted now.

jesus is love....... or something

Jesus is loving to BREAK YOUR FACE

audio_sodomy

San Antonio, TX

November 2005

AUG 12, 2006 06:59 PM

i don't like the idea of Jesus jerking next to me when im trying to lay a chick

MrStitches

Brooklyn, NY

November 2003

AUG 12, 2006 07:01 PM

audio_sodomy said:
i don't like the idea of Jesus jerking next to me when im trying to lay a chick

That's not a problem. Jesus really likes to put it in the butt.

hoogle

Poughkeepsie, NY

April 2005

AUG 12, 2006 07:13 PM

Margot_Dent said:
jesus would certainly NOT wear a headband.

Holy shit. I just HOOTED. Heh. Ehehehe. Eh.

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