British guide to CURSING

Following numerous comments from our special friends across the pond who were confused by the use of the phrase "Bell-end" in the recent "Mel Gibson is an anti-semite" thread, thought this might be a good forum to explain some of the finer points of UK swears, and give y'all something to curse your buddies with in a comedy british accent.

So, We'll start with BELL-END.. a good phrase basically meaning "dick", referring to the glans penis, or helmet which looks slightly like a bell on your ummm... end

I.e "You bell-end" useful if someone has done something particularly idiotic and worthy of derision

Hopefully we can cover common terms like TWAT and more regional variations such as KNOBBER and TOSSER.

Any other brits out ther got any ideas?"

oh yeah and PISSFLAPS - we'll get to that

"Donkey!", as favoured by Gordon Ramsay. Can be ammended to "Donkey bollocks".

Generally well meaning, it is an equivelant of "Ass." which, rather nicely, leads us on to the 'ass/arse' debate. A Britisher is much more likely to call you an arse than an ass. Afterall, you are a horse's arse not horse's ass which would be too confusing.

Bugger/buggery.
Americans make me say it all the time.

I don't think the term SOD is popular in the usa either? any americans out there to confirm/deny this?

anyone use jebend ?

No, never heard of it. What's it mean? Is it from Cornwall?

and let's not forget wanker, as in 'The Referees a Wanker'

Bugger as Inamourada_Flux pointed out is a great word and one I use on an almost hourly basis

Surely, "Jimmy Hill's a wanker!", nes pa?

my favourite is dickhead though it needs to be said in a yorkshire accent for full effect. other variations i use are cockhead and cockweed.

pansy and woofter i also use occasionally.

Is it true that "fanny" is a bad word in the UK?

I'm a lover of the word Twat

'Fanny' is a ladies front bottom over here.

Swamp donkey.

Try the Viz Profanasaurus

Enter any semi swear word and it gives you a whole list

example - arse antlers n.

That Celtic tattoo that dodgy birds seem to think is a classy thing to have growing out of the top of their bum crack

http://www.viz.co.uk/?%2Fprofanisaurus%2Fprofan_index.php%3Ffb%3D1

FLANGE.

wtf is a swamp donkey? sounds like some sort of deep south louisiana animal, braying on the bayou
doesn't sound much like a british swear to me

FLANGE however...

Not many swamps in th UK but plenty swamp dwellers.

It's only had a brief mention, but I'd like to point you all to the sheer perfection that is the word Bollocks.

Although not truly British (It's Anglo Saxon in origin) it is one of those words that has remained in common use for over a thousand years. Such purity in it's form, and moderately multi-purpose (Although not as much as good old Fuck), it has truly placed itself at the head of the British swearing Lexicon.

Now see if you can spot how much of that is bollocks.

some definitions for anyone who's wondering wtf?

FLANGE is a lady's front bits

So is TWAT. TWAT is used as an insult, to describe someone who you aint too keen on i.e. "That bloke is a complete twat," or indeed oneself.. "i got drunk and made a twat of myself again"

bollocks, i agree with The_Happy_Pig is a splendid multipurpose expletive, it can mean lying or just talking rubbish (i.e talking bollocks) drunk (i.e bollocksed) or can be used as a general utterance ("oh BOLLOCKS") oh and it can also mean a good telling off ("i got given a good bollocking for being late")

we tend to use the word

a lot more too....

I like twat as it can also be a verb, e.g. to twat someone (i.e. to hit someone), as well as being a noun.

Such a wonderful language we have.

Sod is thick strips of grass over here.

I'm a big fan of "ponce".

I first heard it when Nic told someone to "stop being such a fucking ponce"

My personal favorite, however, is "gobshite"...though I think that's more Irish than British.

i've been waiting for this thread a very long time.

Don't forget Twatbag