I know what you feel buddy, I know what you feel. But, you gotta have hope, 'cause it's too easy to dwell on the crap in this world - things can always get better...
Greenpins said: And there's just some guys that can't get a girl no matter what when they are themselves. Because being myself, the best I can be is "only a friend"
[Edited on Apr 21, 2003 by Greenpins]
No shit!!! If I hear "your such a good friend" one more time, Im gonna find a clocktower and start picking people off, I swear.
Morgan said: In response to the hating "just being friends"
You know what I hate? "Nice" guys who will make friends with you but always expect something more, and bitch when you're not interested.
Yeah. That sucks.
Well there are some that do that on purpose, but some of us don't. Alot of the time, I aproach a girl I am interested in (as a possible lover/date/girlfriend. NOT A FRIEND) and the girl gets the wrong impression of our (my) intentions, because we are generally all around friendly nice guys, so they start to think that we just became friends to get down your pants. But the truth is we really wanted to get down your pants and are willing to settle for being your friend instead. In my case however EVERY girl I approach becomes my friend.
As for you Morgan, Iam really sorry you've had to deal with those assholes. I think you're a super cool chick and way out of my league, so I would be honored to be "YOUR FRIEND".
Of course, it gets a bit discouraging when, every time you make your interest known, girls give you the friends or "you're so nice, but no" thing... *sigh*
PMVirgin said: Of course, it gets a bit discouraging when, every time you make your interest known, girls give you the friends or "you're so nice, but no" thing... *sigh*
Ah, well... :
Good job, you said what I couldn't get out. Thats what happens, I make it clear and they always wanna be friends.
reprobate said: Believe it or not, this really isn't that complicated. It really breaks down to three very simple things: Don't be a dick, don't be a doormat, don't put women on pedastals. The whole jerk/nice guy thing is really misleading because people don't mean the same things when they use the terms, especially when the two people are dream girl complaining about her boyfriend and hopelessly infatuated guy waiting patiently for her to notice him.
Sure, some people, men and women are looking for someone to save and/or emotionally abuse them. Most people however are really just looking for someone self posessed enough to be their own person. Having someone who lives for only you sure is flattering, but most people want to date a person not a butler. Likewise, being a "jerk" means not calling when you say you will, not projecting all your "I can't get laid" hostility at the object of your affection. If youre one of those guys who are out there saying over and over again "Well, I do do this and I still spend Saturday night with my X Box", then its really only one of two things: youre trying to punch above your weight, or youre just doing it wrong. Heres the breakdown:
1. Dont be a dick Its about personality, not hostility. All those terrible, inconsiderate things girls complain to their nice guy frinds about come after you convinced dream girl to be yours. In the courtship phase youre shooting for two seemingly contradictory things: Let her know that she's the greatest thing since sliced bread, but that you don't really care if she goes out with you or not. Yes, its an oxymoron of sorts. Accept it and move on.
2. Don't be a doormat This one seems like it should be pretty obvious, but its not. You can still be a nice guy and get laid, but only if you really are just a nice guy, not somebody trying to do nice things for someone you want to fuck. The nice guy thing is really just neediness turned outward, and neediness isn't sexy. Sure most people will take unconditional emotional practical and finacial support if its offered, but they don't sleep in and have late Sunday breakfast with these people. Heres a pretty simple check, if youre not sure about the boundaries: would you do it for a guy and would they do it for you? For example, friend calls up in the middle of the night becuase they had a fight with their S/O and are stranded someplace. Why have they decided to call you: is it because they lent you their car for a month and you owe them, because you've known them since third grade or because your the likeliest schmuck to get dressed and come get them? Real friendship is reciprocal. If you don't buy your guy friends drinks all night when theyre broke or youre always listening to her problems and never talk about your own, then what you have is not friendship. Oh, and BTW, if you find yourself stuck in such a one sided equation, its probably your fault, not the girls.
3.Don't put women on pedestals If you find yourself constantly infatuated with women who won't give you the time of day, or only want to be friends, its a good idea to ask yourself why youre attracted to them in the first place. Is it really them, or is it your fantasy projected onto them? Lets face it, if she won't give you the time of day, what is it about her that you like so much, 'cause really you can't possibly know her very well. Attraction is one thing, everybody sees someone from time to time who catches their eye, or maybe its a laugh or the way she moves and it piques your interest, but when that infatuation carries on for weeks or months without any elevation in your relationship, its probably unhealthy. Real intensity of emotion requires give and take, its an emotional connection. That isn't present if only one of you is feeling it.
DemoniacSmile
Perkasie, PA
October 2002
APR 21, 2003 10:24 AM