Nice guys or jerks or somewhere in between?

I don't get it. I hear that girls like a little jerk in their man. But then I get told that I am intimidating and a smartass. But when I'm nice, I get bowled over and used like a moist towelette. Am I just doing something wrong? Help me, SuicideFriends!!! You're my only hope!

Hahaha. I totally know what ya mean, man. I hear it a lot.

The trick is, I've found, to not be nice, or be a bit of a jerk, but to be totally direct and honest. If the girl doesn't like you/isn't attracted to you, that's when you'll find out. Then, after you've gotten her phone number and a few dates, you can show her that you're a nice guy, someone she'll want to continue dating. Know what I mean?

try this novel idea: be yourself.

seriously, you CAN'T FORCE A RELATIONSHIP. no matter how much you like someone, if the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there. be friends, be fuck buddies, whatever, but if it isn't in the cards, accept and move on.

what most girls want (ok, what i want) isn't someone who is "nice" or a "jerk" (those labels are silly and limiting) but someone who is smart and interesting and good in bed and has their own shit going. but i have met plenty of people who fit that criteria and have been terrific, but the attraction just wasn't there, for whatever reason.

there is an old wives tale about dogs having the ability to smell fear. well, potential partners can smell neediness and desperation, and it's not a pleasing aroma. so if you're bummed about being single, don't force it....go off and do your own stuff for a while. do a zine, paint, play music, go to school, whatever. don't beg, don't bitch, and for god's sake stop whining about how women only go for jerks and you're the nicest guy around...

Bah, don't listen to them
Hehe, just kidding

OK, here's stuff from a guy's perspective. I think that I'm an OK guy. I don't treat women like garbage. I used to really think that all those guys that treated women like garbage were fucking idiots (and, well, they still are) and I was the nice guy that just sat around and got to be a friend, nothing more. In all honesty, how come women can pick a jerk to go out with and tolerate his jerkness? Because she probably wants to try and fix his problem. That's pretty much it.
Here's my problem: I'm too nice sometimes. That's why I said try the whole direct and honest thing. I was getting way too many friends, and not enough dates. At least when you be direct, you'll know instantly if the girl will go out with you or not. No "Well, she might" and waiting and waiting for her to make up her mind. If she isn't willing to give you her phone number right off the bat then she probably isn't interested.
Girls, yeah, I know you want a guy that's interesting and funny and all that. That's pretty much a given. But the whole "trying to fix problem" thing is kinda wacky (I know a lot of you aren't like that, but it seems to be that way up here around where I live ).

Actually, now that I think about it, I read about a theory a while back that I found to be quite interesting. It's sort of flawed (like most theories) but it's an interesting read. It's called the ladder theory. You may have heard of it. Here's how it works in a nutshell:
Every girl and guy has a "ladder". The higher up someone is on their ladder, the more they want to have a relationship with. For guys, it's more based on how a girl looks, or how much he'd want to have sex with her. If ugly Suzy comes along, he puts her on the bottom of the ladder. But if Hot Melanie comes along, she goes up to the top. If there's a hotter girl that guy meets, she goes above Melanie. You get my drift, though.
For girls, there are 2 ladders: a friends ladder and a relationship ladder. If a girl ever calls you a friend, you are on the friend ladder. If a girl starts flirting with you, you are on her relationship ladder. It is possible to go from the friends ladder to the relationship one, but it is a hard road. In a lot of cases (but not ALL), it is almost absurd for a friend to try and go to the relationship ladder. If you are on the friend ladder, that means that the girl probably doesn't find you attractive, or maybe you're not strong enough, or maybe you don't have a "badass" side that she can fix..who knows? But all you should know is that it is extremely difficult in most cases to become more than a friend with a girl once she has said you're a friend.

There. I'm done, I think. If I ever find the link to the ladder theory, I'll post it. But now I can't Remember, what I've just said about that shouldn't be used against me. I told you it can be flawed

I've actually had someone tell me that if things aren't working out...then change something. My attitude, my look, whatever. I mentioned that it's just dumb to change yourself from a girl. And what did he say back? "Well, I used to think that too, but then I just realized I was sounding more and more pathetic". Whatever . The only thing that I have changed is my approach to girls. I'm not that shy towards them anymore. It really helps. That guy also said that if you aren't seen as a "sexual being" then girls will not want to be with you. That's SOMEWHAT true, I mean, if you aren't sexy enough for some girls, they won't like you. But others may like the shy, geeky types that sit at the back of a classroom and listen to music on their headphones all day for fear of someone talking to them (that's pretty much me..heh)

heh, well... I used to be a complete shit to women. I was mean, selfish, rude, demanding, confrontational, a little bit decietful (though I never cheated), and I ALWAYS had a girl. In fact, a lot of times there were one or two waiting for me to break up with whoever I was seeing.
Fast forward a few years and I've grown up a lot. Now I'm an all around nice guy, not a doormat, but not aggressively mean like I used to be. Coincidentally, I don't have as many girls interested in me anymore. Right now I have a girlfriend, but I think I was single for about 5 months before I started going out with her. That was unheard of to asshole-helter.
So I don't know, take from that what you will. I would never suggest to someone to go out and treat women like shit, cause it sucks when guys do that. At the same time though, it worked real well for me.

Good for you, man
Yeah, I wasn't surprised when you mentioned you don't get as many women nowadays. It's just almost NATURAL. Girl sees asshole. Asshole has problem. The girl goes out with the guy because she can fix his problem. Girl realizes he's just pretty much an ass. Girl sticks with him because she thinks she can still fix his problem. Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's a harsh thing, but yeah, I know that it's possible to blow the odds away and show everyone that a nice guy can get a nice girl if he really tries.

How about you just try being yourself. Every girl likes different things and describes things differently. Be yourself and someday soon you may find the one.

I just act like me all the time. Though that may be why nobody like me.

....You HAVE to be yourself....if not then you are predicating any sort of relationship on shaky ground...whether it be friendship or a romantic interest..I mean if you don't be who you really are then how can you find what you are really looking for ?..it all comes down to compatability..either ya got it or ya don't...you cannot force it and if you try to it will end up self-destructing and someone's gonna feel slighted......sheesh...i could type reams on this subject,but fer now lemme get back to my coffee and nurse this hangover....stay tuned

snap

you should always just be yourself. regardless of whether a woman wants a jerk or a nice guy, they definitely don't want someone ACTING like on or the other. they want the real thing.

now don't get me wrong, it doesn't always work. not everybody is going to like you. oh well, shit happens. at least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you were yourself.

i like people to be themselves. if they are too jerky then i choose not to be around them, but then i know that they are jerks, and not pretending.
if a person is a push over, (and ive dated push overs before) it gets a bit boring having every desire met, there is no fun in not being able to debate a topic..if everything i says goes..then i should be by myself so i can do what i want, I choose to be with people so that we both may have an opportunity to do what we want.
thats the beauty of life. realness.

i'm not gonna get into this fight again, cuz i'm a nice guy who doesn't let himself get walked on (as much...anymore... )

I really just wanted to say that SuicideFriends reminds me of Super Friends!

Morgan can be MY Wonder Woman

Haha

"We are all individuals."

How shall we fuck off, O lord?

Who said they like their guys jerky? That seems a bit odd...........

I mean a fight is fun here and there but I would NEVER date a guy that was a huge prick. Just be yourself, you'll find someone eventually.

Another nice thing about being yourself: If someone doesn't like you the way you want them to, at least you know you're not lying to yourself, or trying too hard to adjust the dial from "nice" to" mean".You're You; there's nothing to change to fit someone else's perspective. However,along the way I tried so hard to find contentment in my individuality that now I've almost forgotten how to Not be alone, so be carefull.

i'm not!

In my experiences, girls actually do want guys to be a bit of an asshole. I think that every girl that I've talked to about this says that it's no fun if the guy doesn't put up some kind of a fight. I've also had girls that are friends of mine that I would REALLY like to get to know better. Out of countless times, I think it has only been successful once, and that one time it was cut off way too quickly to be any good, unfortunately. I really don't know what I'm getting at here, except that I know I've seen a lot of relationships involving a total asshole guy and a really great girl, but for some reason, the girl just doesn't seem to mind the assholeness. It's really pissed me off in the past as well, but I generally don't worry about it anymore, as lots of other people are said, I generally just try to be myself...

i think it's all about timing. i mean, i don't want someone who's abusive, but i don't want a lap dog either. however, sometimes i want someone i can spar with (usually verbally) and sometimes i just want someone to cuddle with and treat me nice. girls can be fickle. it's our divine right.