Hey haters!

At first, I was just as displeased as most of you. But then it occured to me: this might not be such a bad thing after all. Times are changing. You have to roll with the punches, change with the tide. It's a competitive market, and if this thing really takes off, we could get in on the groundfloor and really make the money.*

I've been doing some brainstorming. I came up with a few things that might help out the machine, get those stock shares up when they become available and make us all quite a few bucks. Tell me what you think:

1. Baskin Robbins new "SG Patent Pulse"

Get this: Licorice icecream ("Dude! How did they get it so black and glossy??") imbedded with real Hollywood sugar glass and splattered with dark cherry syrup. Gore-licious!


2. Energizer Tie-in

The shot opens on a grafitti-soaked alley way. You hear 'thumpThumpthumThump' and the Energizer Bunny comes into the shot. Suddenly, a leather stack-heeled boot comes down and crushes the Bunny's metal innards out all over the ground with a brutal crunch and sickening 'whirring' sound.

You then hear maniacal female laughter, then a loud buzzing sound followed by very sexual moans and groans. The leg twitches and writhes. Voice over: "It just keeps going and going and going..."

Final shot: Another Energizer bunny with the SG logo on it's drum marches past the scene. Moans fade out with the thump of the drum.


3. McDonalds SG Happy Meal.

18 and over of course! Burger, fries, and small coke, PLUS you get a naked bobblehead of an SG!

"I got Alucard Suicide! Who did you get?"

"I got Sepuku Suicide! Wanna trade?"

"No! Fuck you!" And they begin to beat and kick one another.

Close with a snippet of a hardcore band palying "Badda-bap-ba-ba! I'm hatin' it"

Punkrock nonstop!



Just a few ideas. Feel free to add your own! Lets put our kids through College together!



*This post is intended to be satirical, and in no way endorses rumor, in-you-in-doe, or "Damn. That's actually a great idea!"

You're my fuckin hero, man

lol!!

classic id stop being a veggie for a bobble head meal

i would buy all of those products. fo real.

i love it.

and an SG broadband package for people on dial up to be able to access the site

I'm on broadband and it's still slow. How about an SG 'Double-Secret Broadband' package for those of us already on broadband?

i like the energizer tie in

Wonder when Nike will take over the merchandise side of things, after their success with Converse

Excellent! Nike... yes!

Oh... I got it!

The SG logo girl could have the Nike symbol, the little wing-thing as eyebrows! It would be a psuedo-subliminal thing.

Cool.

"Just do her"? Hmm, I like that slogan...

*steals Cosmo's idea and runs off to the trademark office with it*

I find satire to be better when you don't feel the need to tell your audience it's satire.

After crushing the bunny, a hand with black nail polish has to reach down and steal the battery THEN the buzzing and the moaning starts.

Keeps on goin'...

Yes, I agree.

But I felt the astreisk'd comment extends the conception, and in fact plays into it in a satirical fashion. The disclaimer itself is satire... once removed...?

A sweet little post-modern touch, I suppose. Pretty uncommon, but I see it's placement got a rise out of someone, so mission accomplished.

dead on, Billy!!

That's it! I knew that there was a piece missing.

Good work team! Way to think on your feet.

We're sure to get bonuses for this...

Okay:

"NeverMores"

It's a direct competitive response to Hooters!

The logo is a raven with boobs, and the restaurants all have the pink, white, and yellow-beige color scheme of the new site. There's cool stuff all on the walls, like "rad" custom painted guitars, and fake skulls with eyes that light up all red and spooky!

The waitresses are drawn from the SG Hopefuls bullpen, that way they get a taste of the public scrutiny and harrassment, as well as a taste of the accolades of psuedo-celebrity.

Maybe Hot Topic or somebody like that could make the uniforms. I'm sure that there's already companies advertising here that would just love to pitch in and make this happen.

Once a month, there could be SG night, where 1 or more actual honest-to-gosh SG's come in and do a Coyote Ugly type thing where they dance on the bar and maybe lipsynch, and afterward, they can sign autographs...



Any ideas for the menu???

Ta-Ta Tater Tots.
Buh-gina Bologne Sandwich.

Durr it's not spelled "baloney"!

Best
Thread
Ever

Tater Twats?
Nah... too crude. But we're on the right track.

Worst
Spelling
of
"Evar"
Evaaaarrrrrr!

have to watch out for the pictures .. they get huge if you don't watch out ...