The Dark Side of Human Nature

By now, most you must be familiar with me. In my defense........

What accounts for the dark side of human nature? When I first came to SGs, my first impression was that it was a hip, youthful, socially progressive community that supports fellow members. Granted I'm much older than most people on site, but I appreciated its camraderie and iconoclastic nature. Due to recent events, I've come to reasses my first impressions.

Its unclear to me how the hostile climate toward me began. I started hanging out at the chat room when it reopened. I was unfamiliar with chat but fascinated by it just the same. As I didn't really know anybody in the chat room I mostly hung back and just listened. A little background about the chat room for those of you who have never participated in it.

For myself, the chat room was akin to entering a foreign land, where people speak a foreign language often using shorthand phrases to communicate with one another. To add to the confusion, members can speak to one another privately through instant messaging, which is akin to whispering in someone else's ear.

From what I can tell, only half of the members of the chat room are participating in the public conversation at any time. Others are merely observing the conversation or perhaps they are having backdoor conversations (i.e. - instant messaging) with other members. In any event, there is undoubtedly a voyeuristic element to the chat room, particularly when you include the presence of web cams.

Web cams are in my mind, a truly revolutionary means of communication. In its essence a web cam allows a user to communicate with others across a room or half way around the world in real time. In a chat room, those that have a web cam can be seen by others and in return watch other web cam users. In reality this is a variant of voyeurism. When you have a chat room composed of those aged primary between 18 and 30 all kinds of mischief can ensue, which I needn't elaborate on here.

The chat room has its habitual users making up a kind of virtual community. If you are not a member of this community, it feels as if you are stepping into a party where everyone knows one another and you know no one. If you take into account that these strangers are half your age then the feeling of being out of place is exaggerated. Those within the chat room appear to be highly sensitive when their space is invaded by a stranger, particularly if that stranger is old enough to be their dad, which brings me to the subject of my topic.

I've become fascinated with the chat room. Over the last several months, I've found myself visiting the chat room several times a week, usually late at night. Sometimes I'll just follow the conversation, which can sometimes come at you like a ping pong ball, eyes blurring to the scrolling text. Other times I'll comment, when the spirit moves me, on something someone has said. I have a tendency to make playful comments, often humorous, although sometimes I think my humor may evade other members. The conversations are sometimes amusing, sometimes gossipy, and other times inane. The conversations are often coded in shorthand I don't understand. Most of the time, I had my web cam on so that members were aware of my presence. As mentioned previously, part of the fascination surely involves a voyeuristic element. In recent weeks, I noticed that my presence had begun to disturb some members perhaps because they couldn't fathom why someone my age would frequent a twenty-something chat room. I think they have felt that my presence as "creepy" and somewhat suspect. I began to realize that some members began discussing my presence via instant messaging. It was obvious that some members created aliases for me when discussing me in public.

Perhaps they are right to question my presence. Perhaps a young persons' chat room is not an appropriate place for a 50 year old man to be. On the other hand, I'm a paying member of SGs and I should be able to utilize all of the web site's features. A chat room is akin to a public square. Everyone has a right to be there. Perhaps they suspect I am ogling the girls orI have sinister motives. I will admit to being slightly amused when the young ladies play their "girls gone wild games" but I have never said anything inappropriate or acted in a way that could be interpreted as sexual harassment. Compared to the cutting remarks members make at each other, my presence is fairly benign.

In the beginning, it didn't seem that my presence aroused much interest. Only recently did I notice a chill in the air when I entered the chat room. It feels as if the hostility originates more with the male members than the women members but I could be wrong. The more I noticed the chill, the quieter I became. I started using my cam less and stopped watching other people's cams. I think my attempts to make myself invisible aroused suspicions even more. I think that may have been a mistake.

As to whether or not it is appropriate for a man my age to interact with young adults is arguable. I think if I was married with children, and had a daughter the same age as some of the girls on web site, it might raise some legitimate questions. But I am not married nor do I have children. What they don't perceive is that I am attracted to the web site for the same reasons many of them are. SGs offers me a respite from the real world where I feel I don't fit in. I'm attracted to a countercultural community just like they are. In the beginning, I was attracted to the pictures of the sexy, young pin-ups like anybody else. But now, I find most of my time spent reading through group threads and the boards. Perhaps it would be better if there was more than one chat room. For example, a chat rooms organized by age or interest group. There is one group for members who are over 30. It is called "Geezers." I'd be curious to know exactly what the age demographics of SGs is. There are over a thousand members on the "Geezers" group and that obviously does not include the whole universe of the those 30 and older.

It would be fine if the story stopped here but it doesn't. I learned a week ago that members who belong to site hacked into my computer and filmed me when I was visiting adult web sites. You can put two and two together. It comprises material that I'm obviously embarassed about but my activities were on other adult themed web sites not SGs. I wasn't engaged in anything that other members on this site have no doubt experienced themselves. All you have to do is peruse some of the group sites on this web site like "Sexaholics" and "Masturbation" to see topics discussed that are far racier than activities I was engaged in.

If the story stopped here it would be bad enough but it gets much worse. The people who engaged in hacking into my computer began distributing these tapes around and stored programs on my computer that allowed anyone access to all my private information as well as the ability to watch me through my web cam whenever I was on it. Think about that. It is not only illegal but it is a monumental invasion of one's privacy. If they can hack into my computer, they can hack their way into your computer as well.

If the story stopped here.....but it gets worse. When I traveled home for Thanksgiving vacation to see my mother, I was obviously stalked by a number of Boston-based confederates of those who had hatched the original scheme. They loaded embarassing video of me unto their lap top and followed me onto the bus. Talk about creepy. Half way into the bus ride they must have sent emails to all others on bus who had laptops (and there were many) with an email video attachment. I don't know exactly what people were viewing but i sensed it was doctored footing as those who put together the video are extremely talented individuals with computer graphic and web authorizing skills (I know because I looked at their profiles). And yes, I know who they are. It became clear to me something was afoot when people started whispering and pointing in my direction. Obiviously I was disturbed but worse I almost got arrested. When I left the Port Authority Bus terminal and made my way to Penn Station I ran into several other people who were on that same bus. They were mothers with children who were deeply disturbed over what had just happened. Twice they pointed me out to police, asking, I presume, that I be arrested thinking that I was the perpertrator of the crime. It was bad enough that I was embarrassed but what were they thinking when they exposed unwilling individuals to my "pornography." Where is their morality? Where is their decency?

But it gets worse....On my return trip home, I was shadowed again and the exact same scenario happened on bus. I think the perpertrators were hoping that the bus would be pulled over and I would be arrested. Alas, for their sake it didn't happen.

When I traveled to work the next day, I could sense I was being followed again. Yes. But now, I was definitely getting paranoid. As it so happens, I am out of work and temping for a living. Two weeks ago, I started temping at Boston University, where, most likely, there are a number of students who are SG members. It became clear to me on my first day back at work that they were somehow circulating the tape of me around campus. How, and by what means, I do not know. But I was picking up the vibes. I could sense some students were staring at me.

But it gets worse. Some members of the SG community have actively whipped up sentiment against me and have brought in a large minority of SG members to contribute to this cyber harrassment. They are people who probably know little of the history or context on how this issue has come to a head. There are members who are making vieled threats against me promising to do me harm or worse. A mob mentality has taken over. The dark side of human nature has emerged.

And you thought you were having a bad day? Yesterday (Thursday) I didn't go to work assuming that some members were planning to intercept me on my way to work What they were actually planning I really don't know but neither did I want to find out.

Over the course of the day, I would go to SG web site to see where the conversation was going. Somehow, and I don't know how, it appears that one or more web savvy members were able to create a mirror web site where members could post their vitriole against me without fear of SG management knowing about it. I don't understand the mechanics on how such a thing can be done, but it is clear when you have determined, extremely talented, obsessed people committed to making something happen anything can be done. I truly admired their inventiveness even as I was distressed to see the blinding, unreasonable hatred pouring forth from SG members.

The members don't understand that they are contributing to the destruction of this web site. When word gets out more widely what went down, new members will hesitate to join site and other right thinking members may rethink their membership. After all, who knows if they will be the next person to fall victim to the vagaries of mob mentality.

As I write this, I have no choice but to contact legal counsel as I fear for my reputation and more importantly my well being. I am reluctantly doing this. I don't want to do this but I have to protect myself. I don't know how long the mob plans to keep up their vigilance and I really don't want to find out. I have a life to live and I wont be intimidated by hypocritical thugs who are acting like spoiled children who want to have their way.

SGs belongs to a larger community and I wont be intimidated or run off the site.

Peace be with you.

huh?

Obsess much? Dude. If you don't like chat, try one of the other community features like groups, regional groups, the boards, people's journals... Chat isn't for everybody. I hate the damn thing.

Also, nobody here gives a flying fuck how old you are until you make it an issue.

btw, you want to know about the dark side of human nature? my cousin was just murdered this week but i didn't write a page-long public thread about it. and you're talking about shit that's going on some fucking chatroom on some fucking website?

solution: turn off your fucking computer!

sorry if i can't exactly feel like whatever chatroom issues you're having are the end of the world right now. i'm sure it's important to you, and you seem genuinely disturbed, and that honestly sucks. if you're actually being threatened by other members on the site, take it up with staff. what the fuck are we other members supposed to do about it? what good does it do to write a novella about it?

fucking eh. people take this site way too fucking seriously sometimes.

Seek a psychiatrist immediately... I'm not kidding... at first I was like ok... yeah, the newcomers alway go through a little rigamaroll so to speak... they get tested... but skipping from paragraph to paragraph the dark cloud started to appear... the part where people followed you onto a bus and 'sent whatever to everyone on the bus with laptops' reeks of extreme paranoia...EXTREME... I mean this in the most kind and benevolent way...find a pyschiatrist... you may very well suffer from schzephrenia. I only say this because I've had a few friends who were schzephrenic...your story is classic... goodluck

either that or your an excellent writer...
or an extreme attention whore...
I'm seriously going with schzephrenic though...

(honestly, this may be funny to some, but if this dude is serious, it's not good)

People in the chatroom hacked your computer and stalked you on a bus.

And emailed something incriminating (and doctored) about you to people who had laptops on the bus.

And people on the bus (including mothers with chldren) all watched whatever had just been emailed to them and then started pointing at you.

Am I following? Because that's quite a story.

I read the whole thing, and the whole time was thinking that it sounded very much like a friend of mine, who is paranoid schizophrenic. The whole thing sounds very familiar to her outbursts.

Seriously, if you are having these problems, contact staff, or a doctor. I think a doctor is more appropriate.

I read his little off-topic rant here, and at first I thought he had meant to post it in some other thread, but after searching his previous comments it became obvious that if there was any preceding argument than it was not on our boards. Maybe he was talking to us while looking at the computer? Its been shown that some schizophrenics feel that characters on television shows are actually interacting with them, live, as they watch. Maybe its the same with watching a chat room or a thread take off?

he almost ruined the wintery mix thread. we had to pull pretty hard to get it going again.

I just read my post again...please don't make fun of my spelling errors. I'm dyslexic and I try very hard not to make mistakes, but sometimes they just slip. I know I should try harder, but sometimes I'm too lazy.

If this isn't some elaborate way to show off some creative writting then please get help.

Dude. Get. Back. On. Your. Meds.
Also, do you have a cousin named Jeffrey?

What? Who was making fun of your spelling errors? Or your incredible overuse of ellipses?

He reminds me of the guy on Law and Order that was talking about Golden Chariots.

Nobody was. I was just saying please don't. You know like to 'nip it in the bud' so to speak?

Methinks the member doth hallucinate too much.

oh my god! this is incredible!
I can never thank SG enough for giving these people a soapbox and me a chair.

Wow. Just wow.

Didn't you get the message when Bean closed your other thread?

As for feeling alienated: it seems like you are the type of person who does that to himself on purpose.

As for being older: that's what the internet is for... to let you be yourself without being judged over something like age. You don't HAVE to post how old you are in your profile. Most people wouldn't even go check even if you do.

As for people stalking you: it seems like you may be suffering from something either like paranoid delusions, or severe narcissism... if you had been taking prescribed medication for these symptoms you should continue on that course. If not, you should definitely seek therapy.

As for the novel you wrote: it belongs in your journal, but you needed the attention so you posted it on the boards.

If you feel unsafe here, TELL STAFF, GO ANON, or LEAVE.