USA is the new Numenor?

Otoki said:

I still cannot get over how awesome this is. Do you think she was thinking of Canada? Still a PM, but isn't the PM currently male and Christian?

Knowledge is power? Well …

Annabel Crabb

One of the US's noblest popular traditions at election time, along with not voting, and hiding from telephone pollsters, is threatening to move to Canada if your preferred presidential candidate is defeated.

Scores of celebrities - including Susan Sarandon, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford - threatened repeatedly to emigrate to Canada in the 2000s should the American people be so obtuse as to elect George W. Bush.

None did, but the possibility was always there.

Canada, for its part, obligingly seems to ensure that it consistently has a prime minister of a different political stripe to the serving US president. This is a considerate and neighbourly course of action, ensuring that during the Bush years, Hollywood luvvies could yearn for the permissively damp hand of Jean Chretien or Paul Martin, whereas now that Barack Obama is US president, frustrated right-wingers can fantasise about being fiscally disciplined by the solidly conservative Stephen Harper.

On US presidential election day this week, though, teenager Kristen Neel of Georgia struck out in a bold new direction. Miss Neel - one of many Republican supporters who watched the resurgence of President Obama on Tuesday with mounting horror - tweeted: ''I'm moving to Australia, because their president is a Christian who actually supports what he says.''

Obviously, there are one or two snags in Miss Neel's logic here, and Australian Twitter was swiftly on hand, weeping with laughter, to disabuse her of several of her central misconceptions. Stupid American kid, and so on.

The truth is, though, that Miss Neel is not alone.

On several trips to the US, during a period of five years, I have noticed a strange and persistent pattern of behaviour.

It always happens the same way. Every now and again, an American will - on hearing the Australian accent - sidle up, with the cautious yet purposeful air of someone with a coat full of contraband watches.

''Uh, I just wanted to say, I think your president is amazing,'' the interlocutor will say, with a conspiratorial air - some even add a wink.

''I wish our own president would have the courage to stand up to the Muslims like that.''

The first time it happened, I assumed this was a reference to the Howard government's border-protection laws, and thought little more of it.

But the approaches continued. ''I got the email with what your prime minister said about the Muslims. No one would say that here, because it wouldn't be politically correct. But some of us think it's great.''

Huh?

It turns out that there's a hoax email that's been pinging around right-wing networks in America for years. It purports to be a news report about the Australian prime minister telling Muslims in no uncertain terms where they can stick their sharia.

''Immigrants, not Australians, must ADAPT,'' the PM is quoted as saying (in made-up news stories, the journalists use CAPITAL LETTERS, apparently).

''Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right-wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation … This is our country, our land, and our lifestyle, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian Beliefs, or Our Way Of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one of one other great Australian freedom … THE RIGHT TO LEAVE. If you agree, PASS THIS ON.''

Depending on the vintage of the email, the remarks are attributed either to John Howard, Kevin Rudd or Julia Gillard, none of whom, of course, has ever said anything of the kind.

Well. It's feast or famine with us and the Americans, isn't it?

Most of the time, they've never heard of us, and cheerfully maul the names of our leaders (John Howard became Paul Howard and John Hunt at various points in the US media, and a bewildered Malcolm Fraser spent a short period as John Frasier) or even - on very special occasions - the name of our country itself.

George W. Bush provided the most gratifying instance of the latter in 2007, when he visited Sydney for the APEC conference and warmly thanked Mr Howard for hosting him at ''OPEC'' and for the continuing support of the ''Austrian troops'' in Iraq.

Many sneered at this solecism; I thought it was a lovely gesture. A personalised Australian Bushism, just for us! In any event, Mr Howard swiftly exacted a passive-aggressive revenge by jamming him into a Driza-Bone with novelty sky-blue insert, so what goes around comes around.

These days, thanks to the viral email situation, it seems recognition is higher among Americans - the only catch is, they think we're a crowd of fatwa-inducing, shouty-typeface-using Muslim haters.

Never mind, Kristen. Why don't you come and visit anyway? After a few weeks of universal healthcare, an atheist lady PM and an adequate minimum wage, you'll probably be pleased to get home to Georgia.

mingol said:
That explains so much.

J24U said:

True. I always used to wonder who the hell was eager to pass along those e-mail forwards that my aunt would ultimately dump on me. Now I know.

Bill_the_Cat said:

General and willful ignorance is, when one digs deep enough, usually at the bottom of most seemingly inexplicable human behaviours.