NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #59

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #59

Well, here we are again. It’s been a long time since the last Asshole Fuckface Roundup. My minions tell me an entire week has passed, but it feels like years. Asshole Fuckfacery never slows, like time it marches forward in a constant assault on all that is good. I wish there was somene to oppose Asshole Fuckfacery, like a good guy, or a fairy. But there is no such thing. Those of us on the sidelines can only point out the Asshole Fuckfaces and mock them. That’s what my people have been doing since a couple hours before the dawn of time. (We got in early – it’s who you know) This week I have scoured the news, once again, to find the worst of the worst. The list is rather revolting, as usual, so put on your favorite box because this is going to be ugly.

We start with some Presidential candidate Asshole Fuckfacery.

John McCain appears to be a complete and total moron. Once upon a time I believed he was just old, but now, as I look further into his past, I have come to understand he is a moron. Sure, sometimes he lies out of his vagina, like most conservatives, but he also appears to just be stupid.

He gave us another glaring example of his shocking stupidity this week, when he chose these glorious words.

Huh. I guess he missed the Gulf War and 9/11 and the Iraq War and the war in Afghanistan. I’m sure that is something the 4,144 Americans soldiers killed in Iraq will be surprised to hear. And, yeah, 9/11 was totally not an serious international crisis. Oh, and you are unfit to be president because of your mental state.

Thanks for the tip. I thought it was a terrible party. McCain is either a liar or he is that stupid. Either way, he should not be president. Vote Ron Paul!

Next up, AM radios biggest Asshole Fuckfaces spewed more idiocy out of his Oxycontin hole.

Listen to genius Rush Limbaugh wax poetically about Olympic phenom Michael Phelps and America’s energy crisis.

Hi, no connection, my name’s FearTheReaper.

Holy shit, is Rush a dumb Asshole Fuckface. I can only assume he wakes up and shoves an ice pick into his frontal lobe each morning. To attempt to connect one human being, a super human, to America’s energy crisis and “the left” may be the dumbest thing I have heard in a long time.

Um. No. One is a person, the other is a country. One runs on gasoline and the other runs on chicken and ice cream. See the difference? I would love it if our country could run on ice cream, but it can’t. I’m sorry that you are the physical embodiment of Homer Simpson.

Oh, and, “Chinese gymnasts eat rice cakes?” Really? You couldn’t help but throw in a little racism as well, huh? Please Christian Right, keep listening to this drug addict, 4-time divorced multimillionaire, because he understands your values.

Next up, some grieving family Asshole Fuckfacery.

Earlier this year, 14-year-old Oxnard high school student Lawrence King was shot and killed by a fellow classmate. King was said to have “worn feminine attire and makeup,” which made him the target of other boys in the school. The shooter, Brandon David McInerney, has been charged with a hate crime.

Naturally, the school must pay. For letting a kid with a gun on campus? For failing to protect a student? Nope. Because the school let King dress the way he wanted.

Welcome to the Asshole Fuckface Roundup, grieving family. I think you’re the first to get that honor.

Right. If it wasn’t for the clothes and makeup, King would still be alive. Other than that, he totally fit in.

Finally, some Asshole Fuckfaces do not make good fathers.

Meet Raymond Daniel Thurmond, of Lavonia, Georgia. Ray has been living in a trailer with his wife and four children for three years. He worked at a poultry plant and was said the be police and quiet. But that was just outside the trailer. Inside it was a different story. Ray didn’t allow his family to leave the trailer for three years – and the trailer was not in the best condition.

“Refused to continue.” That can’t be good.

And why not throw in some abuse? Ray would beat his kids, ages 14, 13, 12 and 9, sometimes with a steel-toed boot. He would rape his wife all the time, while the children listened. His wife was suffering from battered wife syndrome and did not come forward until Ray told her he was leaving for another woman.

Um, I’m going to go ahead and say the other woman caught a break. Ray is looking at charges of rape, child abuse and false imprisonment. I hope he gets a little understanding of prison rape.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comic. You can read more of his nonsense at his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Talk about a hate crime:

Sir, you have insulted a beloved cartoon character.

Does anyone expect anything other than pure idiocy to come from Limbaugh?

Well, that mystery's solved.

I was surprised you didn't include this story.

This chinese guy has been living in the US on a visa since he was a kid. He was in the final stages of getting his green card and when to the immigration bureau for something or other and was arrested because he missed an important meeting about his visa because they sent the notice to the wrong address. Long story short, he developed horrible back pain, the people in the dentention centers decided he was faking, and just made his life harder, it got to the point where he couldn't even walk, but was denied a wheelchair, and eventually died because it turns out he had bone cancer in his spine. Oops.

It's like a game we play. Crazy conservatives heed his every word, liberals mock him (even though we all know we just do what any troll deserves and ignore him) and the rest of America is obvious to everything he's broadcasting around the world.

Rush typically says things that don't make any sense but that takes the cake.

awesome installment...although, i think you may have missed how close racism, greed and rush's treatment of women actually are to the values of the far christian right.

Agreed. STOP THE HATE.

It's a riddle.

He is not running any more.

Your choices on the ballot in California are in alphabetical order:
source of choices

Baldwin - Constitution Party (disputed ballot access)

Barr - Libertarian Party

McCain - Republican

McKinney - Green

Nader - INDEPENDENT-ECOLOGY PARTY / PEACE & FREEDOM PARTY / NATURAL LAW PARTY

Obama - Democratic Party

But you could write in Ron Paul, , ,

My brain just 'sploded!

But small, fat, bald-headed technologist be insane.

Oh! Ooh... Oooh... Um... Erm...

:clears throat:

It's amazing that a ridiculous prick like Rush Limbaugh has managed to stay on the air for as long as he has.

So? He said vote Ron Paul, WTF?

Rush Limbaugh is a retard, film at 11. Yawn. And Raymond Thurmond is just standard issue Southern white trash, only slightly more extreme than usual.

The Larry King lawsuit, though, I had to read it 3 times to make sure it was saying what I thought it was saying. So the family takes no responsibility for how their child dresses? Chicka-WHAT? Did the school buy his clothes?

Turn it around. The fact that he has not only been on the air that long, but has made a huge fortune at it and has a huge listening audience, says that maybe, just maybe, a large number of people share his world view. He does after all have the highest rated radio show ever.

Put that crack in your pipe and smoke it for a while.

No petepolly does not listen to Rush, nor is zie a ditto head, but facts are facts. The man does have a large following, and FYI they cannot honestly be characterized as ignorant rednecks. See this reference from PEW Research on relative education and knowledge of audiances of various media outlets.

His % of college grads in his audience is 1% higher than C-Span and 1% less than NPR. That is a highly educated audience, much more so than most others in that study.

Maybe, just maybe, you should stop underestimating people on the other side of you politically. My take is that they LOVE it when people characterize them as a bunch of ignorant rednecks. They snicker at them, and how easy they are to manipulate, while driving in their BMWs all the way to the bank.

You have an odd definition of large. According to your link, Rush has between 13.5 and 20 million listeners. Current estimates place the population of the United States at over 300 million. So that's between 4.5 and 6.7 percent of the population. So I'm going to continue to look at Limbaugh's listeners as a small but annoyingly vocal minority.

It is as I said the largest radio audience of all time. That is enormous market penetration for a single show, let alone a radio show.

Take a look at the Nielsen ratings for this last week and tell me that 13.5 to 20 million listeners is "small". Hint, ONLY the Olympics coverage exceed his lower rating, and his upper rating is respectable by comparison to the Olympic coverage. And he has been doing this for 20 years, day in, day out, week in, week out, year in year out for 20 years.

Now do you see my point?

Yeah, but only about 14 people will actually acknowledge your comment, so I guess he wins....

No. Howard Stern has been on the air for almost 30 years and, before he left for satellite, drew almost 8 million listeners a week. Are you implying that he should be taken seriously, too?

If the basis of his show was talk about politics, yes. It is not, it is a voyeuristic show where he plays up being "shocking" about relationships and sex and humor associated with sex and relationship. He (Stern) has very little to say about politics on his show unless it directly impacts him as in the FCC fining him or suchlike.

Rush's show on the other hand is all about politics.

That is a distinction without a difference. If Rush's viewpoint is legitimized by the breadth of his audience, so is Stern's. That one person focuses on one aspect of his "worldview" more than the other is fine, but if we're going to take into account folks' ratings without critically analyzing where, when and why those ratings come there in an attempt to legitimize the viewpoints espoused in the show, I'm afraid that has to cut both ways. Besides, in the times that I listened to Stern, he talked about politics plenty.

Not that this discussion is in any marginal way relevant to the overall point. Rush's audience could be made up of 150 million nuclear physicists every day and that would not validate a single thing he said one iota. He'd still be a moron. An argumentum ad populum won't get you around that.