NEWS: Congress, Please Schedule A Vote To Make Jesus Our Official Lord

POLITICS: Congress, Please Schedule A Vote To Make Jesus Our Official Lord

Seriously, they need to just get it over with. And while they are at it, I highly recommend a “Satan Is Very Bad” vote, a “Buddha Was A Bitch Vote” and a “Mormons Aren’t Real” vote. Now that the House of Representatives has officially passed the “Recognizing The Importance of Christmas and The Christian Faith” bill, let's get this fucker rolling. Those crazy kids who wrote The Constitution would have been soooooo impressed.

On Tuesday night our representatives in Congress passed this retarded motion by a vote of 372 to 9, because who the fuck would vote against Christmas? What dirty whore hates Santa and Jesus? Turns out nine dirty whores. Ten hateful bastards voted “present” and 40 demonic Satan lovers did not vote at all. And you know what that means: Not voting for Christmas is like pissing on the baby Jesus. Enjoy hell, fuckers!

The bill was created by religious nutter Steve King, of Iowa. Time to start the countdown to King getting caught with a cock in his mouth in a rest stop bathroom. To add to the insanely ridiculousness of the bill, King created it as some sort of religious revenge.

So, take that, Diwali and Ramadan, you stupid assdays. Now you know not to fuck with Jesus and his holidays on his turf, bitch. And never mind that Christian nuts already passed an “I Want To Have Sweet, Sweet Anal With Christmas” bill back in 2005. 22 lawmakers voted for that one. Wow, that means with more Democrats in Congress we are actually going backwards.

But the enormous vote margin did not stop King from being upset that some sinners voted "present" or "no." (I would have voted "presents," then everyone would have laughed. Then I would have urinated on King. I would make a terrible Representative.)



"An assault on Christianity?" Fuck you, you creepy, little, God freak. Aside from my comment in the next paragraph, I see no evidence at all. Punk.

Look, babytown, no one is trying to eradicate Christ from Christmas. It’s kind of in the name. And we are not a Christian nation. And if you want to celebrate Christmas for the right reasons, go have sex with a woman, get her pregnant and tell her to say God fucked her. Seems like the best way to give a nod to the J-man.

Thanks for getting to the important shit we Americans care about. You use your time wisely. It was also nice of Fox to name every “liberal Democrat” who voted "no." King wanted to know why these nine hippies voted "no," but voted "yes" on the Ramadan and Diwali resolutions. Alcee Hastings, a devil from Florida had an answer.

Wow, that didn’t take long to crush his bullshit argument.

The fact that this guy was voted by lots of people in order to get where he is, kind of scares me. But that happens everytime an idiot of any political or religious view says something completely stupid that becomes the law.

Hastings is right. Everyone who disagrees with him is wrong.

We don't want to take Christ out of Christmas, we just want him, Buddha, Vishna, Papa Legba, Anansi, and all the rest OUT OF OUR FUCKING GOVERNMENT!!!

I'm really wondering if I should still apply to grad school at the University of Iowa. I spent most of my life in the conservative hell of Indiana and I don't know if I want to go back to a place that elects someone like this.

I dunno, Papa Legba in government might be kind of interesting. Although I'd rather see Baron Samedi. Now that would be hilarious.

bah humbug. none of ye feckers are getting christmas presents from me this year. i just want to spread the word of the baby jesus (bows head).

I'd like to see him dragged out of Congress by his hair, or whats left of it, and lit on fire in the middle of the Washington mall.

If you're a Christian you can string popcorn and cranberries around him and perch a little angel on his fucked up head to celebrate.

Merry x-mas. Jerks

Samedi's kind of a one-trick pony, th--HURK

Should be alright. It's supposed to be an island of blue in a sea of red.

It's nice to know that congress is focused on such important issues.

I agree. Let's have a Coyote / Elegba ticket for '08!

That was exactly the thought that occurred to me.

And the war goes on...

I always beleived this country had a historical Christian background and was founded on those beliefs... Everyone else who worships to a different "higher power" should be thankful they are allowed to do so without being shot. Anyone who's want to bitch because we gave them this freedom should leave or be shot. The world would be a better place with one less ingorant asshole.

Ah, the bittersweet taste of the irony cupcake.

Tell your senator that your pissed, seriously, tell them, just google their name and e-mail them directly.

My thoughts as reading this...

"Now that the House of Representatives has officially passed the "Recognizing The Importance of Christmas and The Christian Faith" bill"

That's hysterical! How do you come up with this shit?....Holy crap! That part was real?!!!

...the second time this column has thrust coffee through my nose, not laughing this time...

heeey, this sounds familiar -- BBC: Christianophobia Warning from MP

im sorry, attempts to do what? by who? huh?
would you like to legislate on the size of christmas trees perhaps?
or publish your amazon wishlist in the Hansard?

what, so you decided to hijack it first, to get your name in the papers?

which for me chimes beautifully with Steve King's bullshit.
go, Jesus, go! were number one!
bet our god could beat your god!...
(am i the only one reading it that way?)

HOLY. SHIT.

thats definitely up there on the list of public concerns. with the war, the NHS, Labour selling seats in the House of Lords, the Government losing 25 million child benefit records in the post, and then the details of a further 6000 drivers, deteriorating relations with Russia... and, yeah. of course.. nativity plays. exactly the sort of thing we want governments looking into.

so your not saying its wrong to ignore traditional, some might say old fashioned, trappings of christmass and in particular to inflict them on a forced audience of kids who have no fucking clue whats being fed to them...

...but you are...

...but your not.

put down a marker, in Parliament, telling people how to behave at Christmas

religion is a personal choice and neither the government nor any individual should feel inclined to tell me how to exercise that choice. especially not from the elevated position of a Member of Parliament, or a Congressman.

or maybe we should have some kids , send aname their favourite teddy bear Jesus, send a chocolate statue of Muhammad to Iran and watch the religious nutjobs make fireworks?

give it a fucking break. please?

so...information about the bill. What does the bill do? What is it's purpose. Recognition? I don't understand the bill.

This fails as news. I want to be informed, not opinionated.

Um, it Recognizes The Importance of Christmas and the Christian Faith.

Pretty much in the title, above it all boy.

Yeah, it's one of those resolutions that doesn't actually do anything. It's not a law, it's not a mandate, it's just... a formal recognition that Congress thinks Christmas and Christians are both real and important.

There are tons of bills like this a year. Congress spends a lot of time doing really stupid shit.

I'd like to see Anansi serve as white house spokesperson, a perfect position for someone who likes to tell stories.

Did anyone else notice that the roll call vote has Congressman King from Iowa listed as "Not Voting"?

Thats a pretty opinionated statement for someone so ill informed.

You could perhaps, look at the Bill, and get informed, but I'm afraid that would only make you more opinionated.