NEWS: Wil Wheaton's Geek in Review: A Mind Forever Voyaging

GEEK: Wil Wheaton's Geek in Review: A Mind Forever Voyaging

Geeks find many way to set aside the mundanity of the real world these days. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of companies compete for our time and our money, and we can find ourselves with more escape pods than ever before, an embarrassment of riches that can be overwhelming, with dire consequences if we choose . . . poorly.

My limited time is the most valuable commodity I have. I can always earn more money; I can always eat more food; I can stay up late if I didn’t finish that load of laundry in the afternoon. (Curse you, Guitar Hero III: Thief of Daylight!) But I can’t get back time that’s already spent – in some cases, wasted (the time, not me) – on hollow pursuits, so I think very carefully about how I invest my limited free time, and my even more limited “me” time. Here's a look at a typical afternoon spent in a twisty maze of options, all enticing . . .

Oh . . . this should be interesting.

Well, that door wasn’t much fun, was it?

Does anyone (who does not live in easy driving distance of an Alamo Drafthouse [My editor, Andrew, who lives in Austin and goes to the Drafthouse all the time, made me include this. Bastard.]) really enjoy going to the movies any more? I don’t know anyone who says, “Man, I can not wait to go spend a crapload of money so I can watch a crapload of commercials, surrounded by idiots who just won’t Shut. The Fuck. Up.” What is the consistently compelling reason to go out to the movies? I’m trying to escape the frustrations of modern life and the idiots in it who just keep on making more idiots. Why not just stay home and watch something on DVD or cable? Thanks to Netflix and Blockbuster Online (okay, and bittorrent) just about any movie you’d ever want to see is rarely more than one day’s wait away. While there are certainly some films that deserve to be watched on a big screen, like Lord of the Rings, or work better with an audience, like Grindhouse, they are exceptions to the rule. I just don't understand why anyone with ANY sense of dignity at all would . . .

Right. Moving on to door number two . . .

That door made me--

--stabby.

So this problem with commercial loudness will eventually be solved by Dolby Volume, but until that day arrives (and we all upgrade our equipment) does any self-respecting geek watch a show when it airs anymore? Since I got my DVR, I don’t watch anything when it starts. Instead, I wait ten or fifteen minutes and then watch it delayed on my DVR so I can skip the commercials. It’s not that I hate commercials as a class (although, seriously, American beer guys? Beautiful, sophisticated women do not drink cheap, nasty American beer. Give it up already), it’s that I hate commercials that are so loud they wake up my neighbors. I find that I prefer watching movies on my home theater or television shows on my DVR because I control the environment and the experience when I watch. That takes care of the commercials, but what about those annoying animated advertisements that litter the screen and get in the way of me enjoying the show that’s on? Until someone develops AdBlock for television, our only choices, really, are to wait for the show to come out on DVD or just suck it up. I will admit to sucking it up a few times a week, for shows like Heroes and How I Met Your Mother.

Until things change dramatically though, non-DVR broadcast television isn’t earning my time at all. It can’t compete with washing the dishes, much less catching up on my blog feeds or what lies beyond the remaining two doors.

Speaking of . . . let’s see what’s behind Door Number Three . . .

If the biggest problem we have with books is that we just don’t know what to pluck from our two towers of “really want to read” and “really want to read again,” what is there to complain about? Books are great for getting away, whether you’re a geek or not. A book is relatively inexpensive (free at your local public library) and portable, and if you break down your investment by the hour, you get a lot more for your money in a book than you do in a movie. There are no commercials, no annoying idiots shoving fistfuls of popcorn into their mouths in the seat next to you (or, if there are, you can move), and – best of all – you have complete control over when and where you do it. You can read during breaks at work, between classes, when you’re avoiding writing your column, or, uh . . .

. . . when you should be doing other productive tasks.

It should be no surprise that, as an author, I love books and can’t find an awful lot to dislike about them. I freely concede that there are bad books out there (I'm looking at you, Dan Brown), but you can always set a bad book down and pick up five books that are more to your taste. There are more books published each year than anyone could ever read in a lifetime spent doing nothing but reading. We live in a rich, rich time -- reading is available for everyone who cares to make the effort, and you can read about any topic you want.

I imagine that if I were a filmmaker, or television producer, I’d feel differently about the first two doors than I do, but I just don't see the same variety, the same creativity in the visual media that I do in print. There is good work out there, but you have to really dig for it. In the bookstore, it's right there for the taking.

Finally. Let’s open door number four . . .

In real life, it’s a lot harder to settle down and choose just one game, especially when I’m faced with such limited free time. I read an article in Wired earlier this week by a guy who said he’d become a suicide bomber in Halo 3, because asymmetrical warfare worked to his advantage when playing multiplayer online games. He was time-poor, so he couldn’t develop the same skills as the hundreds of thousands of students and unemployed writers who have time to spend practicing non-scoped sniper headshots day after day.

Just like the huge stack of books, the best and worst thing about video games is the time involved. I can spend $40 to take my wife to a movie, and we’ll have a nice three or four hours together. I spent $50 on Halo 3, and without even finishing the campaign, I’ve already spent 30 or more hours with my friends in online matches. It’s the same way with Guitar Hero, and I assume you WoW players would have a similar experience to report -- if you just stopped killing boars in the forest long enough to talk to us, of course. (I keed. I keed.)

I think of my time as a valuable currency that must be earned by anyone who wants me to exchange it for whatever they’re selling. When we geeks talk about investing our money and our time into entertainment and escape, movies and television just can’t compete with video games, comics, novels, or going through a few hundred RSS subscriptions that you save for the times when you have a column due and need a geeky way to kill time under the auspices of--

Pushy, pushy. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm leaving out. I keep feeling like there's something missing . . .

I hate cliffhangers.

Wil Wheaton still remembers how to get the Babel Fish.

what's this free time you speak of?

...but in all seriousness, I sympathise as I have been in that maze many times.

Reading this was like playing a text adventure in the style of the Hitchhikers Guide game.

Which is awesome.

That door made me-- --stabby.


Ya, I felt that one, just the way you described it made me stabby.

I was just having a discussion with some one last night about door#1. I hate going to the movies now for all the reasons you stated and one more. I always have to pee in the middle of the movie and I hate to miss part of the story. At home I can always pause it. The person I was talking to said they enjoyed watching a movie with strangers and thought the home movie experience is desocializing us. Too bad I hate going to the theater to see a film and when I can afford a really big screen at home I will no longer need to pay way too much money for all the pain in the ass.

Door #2 fuck the loud commercials piss me off too.

Door#3 books. I have switched to audio books on my I pod. I love having stories told to me and when I paint or draw (I am a working artist) I seem to get more done while listening to audio books. I have so little real time to read this has been a great option for me and can make really long car rides in traffic less stressful as well. Sitting trapped on the 101 listening about sandworms and Fremen is so much better than the radio.

Door#4 I too am plagued with too many options. Last night I played 4 different games on my Wii. If I am lucky I have a couple hours a week to spend playing games and when it comes time to play I have a horrible time trying to pick which one to play. And I have even more games I want to get after going to E for All.

I like this choose your own adventure style. Thanks.

...I think I know where door number 5 leads -- where all my Saturdays are spent from 4pm to freaking 6am... yeah hardcore here.

This is a good column.

Best column ever.

I'm gonna go play some Aardwolf now.

How I'm feeling after two days of debating the WGA strike with someone who has compared them to architects, engineers and Taco Bell employees, but who thinks my analogy of writers and musicians who earn royalties from sales is way off.

Yeah, I'm venting.

Screw movie theatres that won't take cell phone users, parents, and babblers out back and shoot them.

Screw the commercials I don't watch anymore, for I have TiVo.

Screw myself for not reading enough, and for going back to school, sapping away at precious Time. But not too much: time spent now yields more time later. In theory.

And anyway, I need my fix of boobs and Wheaton. Good writeup,

-TTm

Door 3 and the Secret Door hold my attention these days, nothing better for the nerves than weekly D&D 3.5, especially when your about to become a half-Orc Frenzied berserker with a +1 Orc Double AX!!!!!!!!!!!!

Door 3, and maybe the Secret Door - if I can find someone who doesn't think that D+D includes all P+P RPGs...

When I started working full time after graduation I read on my breaks and I am thoroughly astonished how much I can read just in 15-20 minutes while trying to not spill pizza sauce on whateverbook I am reading...I think I've probably read 15 books in the past 10 months...

As for games I hate to say it but I have been seeing the same problems cropping up in the gaming industry as in the Film and TV industry...sure you spend a lot more time on one game than you do at the movies, but when you get twenty minutes into an overhyped game and then determine to finish it just to get your money's worth, that's just as disappointing as knowing that you'll never be able to look at Steve Carrell again without crying "Why Steve, Why Evan Almighty?!"

I watch most of my television online because I'm too cheap to shell out the cash for Cable and, lets face it, you only have to wait for HBO and Showtime shows at this point...My main beef with the online watching is the bandwidth...These networks are owned by multibillion dollar corporations and they can't spare a few drops in a bucket to give us all some better streaming video (And it's not my bandwidth because I can surf SG at the same time no problem)

this was hilarious yet thought-provoking!

You made me laugh. Then you made me cry. Damn you, our Alamo Drafthouse recently CLOSED, you insensitive bastard!

Seriously, I don't watch "the plebian channels" unless it's a Joss Whedon something.

I watch Discovery Channel, NASA Select, History Channel, Science Channel, TLC, Sci-Fi, The Military Channel, and the Food Channel if Alton Brown is on.

The commercials are a lot less obnoxious and seem to be more directed and interesting.

I haven't watched a movie since the last George Lucas' fiasco, and the 3D Harry Potter movie. Before that, it was "Toy Story" - the ORIGINAL one.

There's another door called "coding" - and if you've got "programmer crack" available like writing GTK apps in Python on my Nokia N800, then BOOM, it's 4am and you never got dinner and need to go to work in a couple hours. Sigh.

Oh and hey, I just got back from the 50th World Space Expo at Kennedy Space Center. I got to try on a Shuttle suit glove (all 4 layers and 12 pounds) and all the booths were manned by the actual engineers instead of suits. The space suit engineer helped Buzz Aldrin put on his suit and helped design the Shuttle suits. I got to hear Al Worden, Story Musgrave, Neil Armstrong, Chuck Yeager, and Scott Carpenter speak. I got to see (and HEAR) an F-18F haul ass 50 feet off the water at near supersonic speed.

And this afternoon I heard the BOOMBOOM as the Shuttle landed.

Geek nirvana.

There is a smaller theatre in a mall downtown that I go to. It isn't one of the big theatres with stadium seating or anything. Just the standard type theater from about 15 years ago. All the kids stay away from it because they want the theatres with the arcades and stuff. I hate the megaplexes, as they are basically just night clubs for people too young to get into nightclubs. Other than that and some art house theatres, I don't go to the movies because they just aren't enjoyable otherwise. I still don't go out often anyway... I'm sure there are good films out there, and I do have a list of a few I want to see. I just can't be bothered.

I don't own a TV. When I did the only thing I really watched was Craig Ferguson and the occasional Seinfeld rerun. Most everything else I just thought was crap. I know there are good shows out there like Battlestar Galactica, and maybe one day I'll eventually buy the DVDs or something... I don't like the vast majority of TV so I'm not really able to pick a show and watch it from the start. When I've done this before in the past, the show has either sucked or gotten cancelled. The only show now that is currently airing that I like to watch each week would be Doctor Who. I just download it now whenever a season is running. I'll do the same for Torchwood when a new series airs (which is a guilty pleasure because 70% of it is sooo crap, but 30% is sooo good. Very odd dynamic). So yeah, good shows tend to be running for a season or two before I even know about them... and then it's too late to jump in.

I normally read on my lunch break or on the bus. I have an endless list of stuff I want to read so I have no problems here.

For gaming, I don't play much online anymore. I don't find it very fun. Everyone takes the game either too seriously or not seriously enough. Hate voice chat. Hate it. My gaming either consists of something with good gameplay and a good story (like Half Life) or an RTS that I can just play mindlessly while listening to music. I was a big gamer as a teenager, but now most of the stuff out there just bores me. I've either grown out of it, or the games aren't as good as they used to be. If I had friends who were into gaming it might be a different story.

I'm noticing a common thread in all these activites being that I know there is good stuff out there but I've been burned too many times by spending my money on crap that I don't tend to look anymore.

I laughed out loud for about 2 minutes at this comment.

I read all the time. But being a law student, it usually isn't about anything that I feel like reading for 7 or 8 hours on end.

Still, this column was a lot of fun to read.

I feel exactly the same way. I have so little free time I can only get together to play D&D once avery two months. Of course since I play with the same guys I started with in 1977, none of us have much free time. Hopefully the virtual tabletop for 4th ed will let us play more often.

Makes me want to go back and play Zork again...

I seem to remember typing "Eat Me" in a fit at one point only to be told that "Autocanabalism is not the answer". I miss the snarkiness.

Where is door #5, "Read forums, and masturbate. At the same time."

I love you Wil Wheaton. I have never seen so many fuzzy nostalgic geek references in a single page of text in my life. Awesome.

P.S. If anyone lives in or near Salt Lake City, try Brewvies. It's almost as good as the Alamo Draft House (it's just missing the celebrity endorsements and freaky home-made Indiana Jones remakes starring children).

I miss Zork....

I have found that the less wires that are connected to what you are doing, the better it usually is...the best times I have ever had and remember have not had a single wire hooked up...0 wires- fishing, camping....1 wire- reading a good or great book(one wire going from you to the author, kind of)...video games...after I spent hours beating the Legend of Zelda, I realized I had accomplished nothing in doing that....TV-good if it is a good show- and hate that they turn up the ads...cable- I am paying for more choices but get more ads-Discovery channel +,Sci FI channel+-( do like Enterprise, the original Star Trek, and Next Generation)...and public TV- Red Green, Red Dwarf....and the rest seems to be a lost cause (CSI Newark anyone)?
Sponge Bob needs to die, by the way...and I thought Barney was bad....
Internet: This has become a great, and at the same time terrible thing...can burn hours on it- have found 380 different hot peppers I can plant- If I can order them, and then get off the damn computer and get them planted....at least there we are back down to no wires....null

TV? How quaint.