NEWS: Fuck Mike Huckabee

POLITICS: Fuck Mike Huckabee

Volume 10 of the FTR series in which he puts the word "fuck" in front of a presidential candidate's name.

The presidential primary races are beginning to heat up a bit and one asshole has actually been gaining support: Mike Huckabee. Which forces this incredible writer to have to take the time to show you that Mike Huckabee is a horrible, horrible man.

Huckabee began his professional life as an ordained minister, serving at different churches in Arkansas and he is a former president of the Arkansas Baptist State Convention. His political career began shortly after he felt the power of ruling the convention. In 1993 he was elected as lieutenant Governor of Arkansas and then as Governor in 1996. He left office earlier this year. But it is not like The Huck wanted to go into politics, rather, he was dragged, kicking and screaming, by God.

And now Mike is hoping we can support him and do what is right for America.

Oh, good, he’s never read The Constitution or a history book. But we can all take solace in the fact that he has read one book. He has called on conservatives to vote on the “social issues that are undermining” the wall between church and state. You know, the wall the Founding Fathers built so nutjobs like Huckabee would not be able to impose their religion on everyone else.

Oh, then maybe you should keep working as a minister instead of running for president. We should all be very afraid of a man who believes that only by following his religion can we solve the problems of our society. And we should be even more afraid of a man who got into politics to promote his religion as the solution.

During a recent Republican debate, Huckabee said most of the “signers of the Declaration of Independence were clergymen.” This is classic Christian re-writing of history and the man is said it during a debate, on live television. It is what attracts other religious nuts to his campaign, because it is what they want the truth to be. It is not the truth.

“Most” = 1 out of 56, or 1.8% for those of you who love percentages. But the truth should never get in your way when you are using The Bible as your platform for change.

And he has done what he can to legally inject his religion into our society. One example of his work is the Convenant Marriage Act of 2001. Covenant Marriage laws have been passed in three states: Arizona, Louisiana and Arkansas. It is completely ridiculous for the government to be involved in such marriages, and a bit creepy.

What a fucking joke. You need a legal reason to come to this agreement? Our government really needs to pass a law for something that is clearly a personal and religious decision? But that is the Huckabee way and I’m sure he believes he did a lot of good getting that religious law passed.

The Huck, of course, also does not believe in evolution.



He's got some solid reasoning, though.

Well, that is why you should send your kids to Christian school, nutjob. There are a shitload of other fairy tales we could teach as the beginning of mankind as well, but we don’t.

Huckabee was given a chance to explain his beliefs on evolution in a later debate.



Does not make me feel better, sport. And way to stick up for your Christian beliefs and dodge the question, just like Jesus would have.

Being a religious man, one would think that The Huck would run a squeaky clean government. Instead, he went with being a corrupt asshole.

One retired Arkansas government official summed up Huckabee nicely.

Well, then he fits in quite well with the new breed of Christian politician like George Bush. When Huckabee left office, he made sure no one would know the shit he had been up to.

Yeah, because no one had thought of writing a law forbidding the crushing of computers. Nice work, douchbag. Oh, and I'm sure Jesus used to crush computers, too.

And Huckabee did his best to represent Arkansas with dignity.

Way to go, you are a classy man, Huck.

Of course, being a Christian, The Huck is in love with our crusade against the filthy Muslims.

I’m actually reminded that al Qaeda did not exist in Iraq before 9/11 and our war there created a training ground for future terrorists, as well as largely increasing their numbers. But you keep thinking whatever you need to think, God boy. Mike is one of those candidates you should support if you want eternal war.

Uh, hey, “whatever it takes” could mean nukes, you psycho. No man who is as religious as Huckabee should be allowed to hold the office of president during this time of war. He should be disqualified because of his biases and his desire for Jesus to return after Armageddon. Most important of all are the words of support he had for Bush’s surge.

Really? Here’s a list of leaders who were stubborn: Saddam Hussein, Ayatollah Khomeini, Stalin, Hitler, Franco, Mussolini, Emperor Hirohito, Napoleon and Idi Amin, just to name a few. And I agree, you shouldn’t change the course of a military every time there’s a new opinion poll, you should change it when you are getting nowhere and it is obvious to everyone in the world.

The Huck also doesn’t think the president needs Congressional approval to go to war, like it says in that thing called The Constitution.

He was speaking as if Iran had grabbed the items necessary to make a nuclear weapon, dashed across the border and then started building it as fast as they could. The reality is that Iran is years away from a nuclear weapon, according to all experts that are not part of the Bush administration. Worse of all, he called seeking Congressional approval a “luxury.” Madison would have kicked the shit out of this guy.

The Huck is a delusional asshole, who paints a rosy picture of anything that is horrible, as long as it’s not happening to Christians. This summer he had some wise words about how the prisoners in Guantanamo were being treated.

Oh. Uh, okay. Here are some details of how awesome it is at Guantanamo from an FBI report.

I bet The Huck would say the same thing if Guantanamo were holding Christian prisoners, right?

Mike Huckabee is a religious lunatic, plain and simple. If he wants to be president of a Baptist organization, I’m all for it but he has no place being the president of the US. We already have experienced 7 disastrous years with a born again running the country and it has clearly not gone well. The last thing we need is another 4 more years of crusades. The man clearly has no understanding of The Constitution or history.

Our very own Ahmedinejad.

FTR - For once I agree with you. Huckabee is very frightening.

But I am curious...Who do you support for President? And wny?

while i consider myself to be a Christian (that is, i believe in Christ and that he's god), I think this guy is utter bullshit and it makes me ashamed to call myself a Christian. (you know, since he's so fucking loudmouthed about it an then he goes around saying dumb shit--what great representation!)

Wasn't this the same candidate that Chuck Norris announced he was voting for?

imo any candidate that wishes to reduce government power, end this godforsaken war and not have a stick up their ass about American's personal lives gets my vote.

The lessons of history are meaningless to people who think the world is only 6000 years old. And you could tell that Huck wanted to say yes, he believes the bible word for word, timeline and all, but he has enough political savvy to avoid that question.

I am very glad that he has no chance of wining.

was Madison the really short president? if so, that'd be really funny to watch.

Sec-u-lar.

Secular.

These fuckin American Taliban guys are nutso.

We aren't descended from apes, we are apes.

Yes and another reason he has no chance.

True enough. And guys like Huckabee prove it constantly, which is a demonstration of what one might call a cosmic irony.

I was waiting for FTR to go after Huckabee. He's a likeable guy, but his social issue views are kinda scary, even by Republican standards.

just because one believes in evolution... DOES NOT mean one is an atheist! Maybe... god... is an evolutionary biologist... and the bible is just paraphrased!


that being said.... the white house is NO place for an ordained minister! Hukebee belongs in a church... not washington!

Wouldn't that depend on said minister's views on religion in politics?

Maybe it's just 7 years of Bush, and a terrible campaign in the last election, but was anyone else struck by how well-spoken he was?
Makes him all the scarier.

well.... generally speaking. Yes... it would depend on their views. (of course) BUT. if you are a "minister" there is a GOOD chance that you will share M. Hucks views...! i mean he is pretty generic "Christian Minister".

it would be kind a hard to have separation of church and state, while having a man of the cloth holding the seat as the highest public official... dont you think?

A 5 year old kid with Tourette's is more well-spoken than Bush. There's no contest.

fuckabee!

hey i think that that chuck norris should run with huckabee.

they can be called huck and chuck.

they are both fucking idiots.

Holy fuck! If he's elected, I may leave the country.

+1

huck is so fuckable


i want his stain on my manmeat

You know, the person that wrote this article, I say Fuck him.... I wouldn't vote for Huckabee, but I don't really care to slam him. I'm not impressed by the SG writers....

So write your own. Anyone can do it.

I bet that has nothing to do with the fact that we keep pimp slapping your boy Paul, right?