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FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

SEP 02, 2007 11:09 PM



The British have begun leaving their last base in Basra. 550 soldiers are withdrawing from the Basra Palace and heading to an airbase seven miles away. Mortars and rockets have been raining down on the palace daily, which is not a good sign. The withdrawal will take days to complete. US officials are worried that the withdrawal will lead to a violent power struggle between Shiite militias. But, don’t worry because…


The British defense ministry said forces operating from Basra Air Station will "retain security responsibility for Basra until we hand over to provincial Iraqi control, which we anticipate in the autumn."


Hey, island elves, I don’t even know what the fuck “autumn” means. We call it fall. You’re not better than us.

The good news is that the Iraqi military sent hundreds of soldiers to keep a lid on things. As we all know, the Iraqi military is a kick ass organization and never takes sides in a conflict between militias. Get ready for more death squads, Basra!

The US is upset the British are leaving because after the January 2005 election, the city of Basra “fell under the influence” of Shiite militias. US officials are concerned Iran will gain more control over southern Iraq, which is retarded because almost all of southern Iraq has ties to Iran. Get over it, when we got rid of Saddam we gave Iran a big present called Southern Iraq. Just let the inevitable happen, already. The place is already fucked.


The police force is heavily infiltrated by militias. Political rivals, liquor dealers, DVD shop owners and anyone who violated different groups' interpretations of Islam were subject to assassination by death squads.


A Brussels based think-tank recently released a report that claimed militias were already destabilizing Basra and locals thought British forces were being driven out.


Relentless attacks against British forces in effect had driven them off the streets into increasingly secluded compounds. Basra's residents and militiamen view this not as an orderly withdrawal but rather as an ignominious defeat.


So, that is good, right? Next month, Prime Minister Gordon Brown will unveil his new strategy for Iraq. It is expected the British will withdraw, which would cause problems for the US. Supply lines from Kuwait to Baghdad could be severed and the oil fields could be further exposed to insurgent attacks.

Meanwhile, British General Sir Mike Jackson decided to start talking some serious shit this weekend. I think the island elves call it “taking a piss”.


The former chief of the general staff said the approach taken by Donald Rumsfeld, the then US defense secretary, was "intellectually bankrupt", describing his claim that US forces "don't do nation-building" as "nonsensical".

Sir Mike says the failure of the US-led coalition to suppress the Iraqi insurgency four years after Saddam's overthrow was down to the Pentagon's refusal to deploy enough troops. A combined force of 400,000 would be needed to control a country the size of Iraq, but even with the extra troops recently deployed for the US military's "surge" the coalition has struggled to reach half that figure.

He and other senior British officers were opposed to the Pentagon's decision to disband the Iraqi army after Saddam's overthrow, a decision he says, "was very short-sighted…we should have kept the Iraqi security services in being and put them under the command of the coalition."


You're not better than us because you're right.

The British seem to believe there was an end planned for the war before it started. That is so cute! The Elvin General thought security would be handed over to the Iraqis once their security forces were trained. Who knows where they come up with these crazy ideas?

OhSoOrdinary

OhSoOrdinary

New York, NY
July 2006

SEP 03, 2007 09:15 AM

What the hell do we need supply lines for?

I was going to start growing corn in the sand behind my tent. anyway.

sickboyedd

sickboyedd

United Kingdom
January 2004

SEP 03, 2007 09:23 AM

"taking THE piss", not "taking a piss"....unless of course you're taking the piss.... either way, you're a piss-artist

SilverRevolver

SilverRevolver

United Kingdom
May 2004

SEP 03, 2007 09:31 AM

sickboyedd said:
"taking THE piss", not "taking a piss"....unless of course you're taking the piss.... either way, you're a piss-artist



Haha. Speaking of island elves, surround him with a herd of chavs and see how quaint the English seem.

Speaking as an American in the UK, you people scare me!wink

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

SEP 03, 2007 09:33 AM

sickboyedd said:
"taking THE piss", not "taking a piss"....unless of course you're taking the piss.... either way, you're a piss-artist



Thanks....and you're irrelevant.

KingHELL

kinghell

Portland, OR
July 2003

SEP 03, 2007 09:44 AM


Hey, island elves, I don't even know what the fuck "autumn" means. We call it fall. You're not better than us.


Yeah, they're probably trying to go waaay out of their way not to use the word "fall" in conjunction with the names of any Iraqi cities.

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

SEP 03, 2007 09:47 AM

KingHELL said:


Hey, island elves, I don't even know what the fuck "autumn" means. We call it fall. You're not better than us.


Yeah, they're probably trying to go waaay out of their way not to use the word "fall" in conjunction with the names of any Iraqi cities.


I wish I hadn't laughed at that.

bodie

bodie

I'm lost
November 2006

SEP 03, 2007 10:19 AM

The language is English, as in originated in England, hence autumn is the correct term for the season, not fall, which means something completely different this side of the pond.

And it's tuh-mah-to not tuh-may-to while i'm at it tongue

On topic tho', yes, Iraq is even more messed up now that before and i don't think the presence of us/uk forces there or no will make a squirt of difference to the next 20 years of the country's history. We shouldn't have meddled in it's affairs years ago and sadly have not learned any lessons from that mistake.

Bombed to the stone age, sanctions, 000's of dead innocent civilians. Yeah, an extra 200,000 troups should finish the job alright.

Time to take a piss....

Anguz

Anguz

United Kingdom
May 2006

SEP 03, 2007 10:24 AM

KingHELL said:


Hey, island elves, I don't even know what the fuck "autumn" means. We call it fall. You're not better than us.


Yeah, they're probably trying to go waaay out of their way not to use the word "fall" in conjunction with the names of any Iraqi cities.



Nah, we don't use the word fall because it's WRONG! Wrong DIDDLY wrong-wrong to be exact. And as for this whole story, you know you might wanna not take the piss out of the only country that still likes you. That in itself is a small miracle given the American tradition of blowing us up when we go to war together. What the hell is friendly about that? I will hold my hands up and admit the only reason we are out there is because Tony Blair had his tongue crammed so far up Bush's ass that, well, I can't think of a good analogy. You get the idea.

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

SEP 03, 2007 10:28 AM

dave_clark_f1ve said:

KingHELL said:


Hey, island elves, I don't even know what the fuck "autumn" means. We call it fall. You're not better than us.


Yeah, they're probably trying to go waaay out of their way not to use the word "fall" in conjunction with the names of any Iraqi cities.


Nah, we don't use the word fall because it's WRONG! Wrong DIDDLY wrong-wrong to be exact. And as for this whole story, you know you might wanna not take the piss out of the only country that still likes you. That in itself is a small miracle given the American tradition of blowing us up when we go to war together. What the hell is friendly about that? I will hold my hands up and admit the only reason we are out there is because Tony Blair had his tongue crammed so far up Bush's ass that, well, I can't think of a good analogy. You get the idea.


It's funny when Englishmen get mad. They're so cute.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Seriously, dude, calm down. Taking offense at someone jabbing your country - and pretty gently, I might add - just makes you come off like a jingoistic moron.

Maybe as an American I'm just more used to that kind of disrespect than many of you in the British Commonwealth, but still, your thin skin shows an unmanful lack of stoicism and equanimity.

EDIT - The poster below me has the right idea. You would do well to follow his example.

analogus

analogus

United Kingdom
July 2004

SEP 03, 2007 10:36 AM

To all my Island Elf brothers, I think we shouldn't get upset with FTR's, well, rantings I think you can call them - I believe he's attempting sarcasm!

It's a rather clumsy effort, but 10 out of 10 for the attempt all the same

Ah, bless...

Hunkpapa

Hunkpapa

United Kingdom
June 2004

SEP 03, 2007 10:41 AM

i'm an island pigeon, not an elf, damn you.

masterfrederick

masterfrederick

Beaverton, OR
November 2006

SEP 03, 2007 10:47 AM

dave_clark_f1ve said:

KingHELL said:


Hey, island elves, I don't even know what the fuck "autumn" means. We call it fall. You're not better than us.


Yeah, they're probably trying to go waaay out of their way not to use the word "fall" in conjunction with the names of any Iraqi cities.



Nah, we don't use the word fall because it's WRONG! Wrong DIDDLY wrong-wrong to be exact. And as for this whole story, you know you might wanna not take the piss out of the only country that still likes you. That in itself is a small miracle given the American tradition of blowing us up when we go to war together. What the hell is friendly about that? I will hold my hands up and admit the only reason we are out there is because Tony Blair had his tongue crammed so far up Bush's ass that, well, I can't think of a good analogy. You get the idea.



You seem to believe that we feel the need to even HAVE allies. Didn't you KNOW, we never needed you there? I don't believe this war was ever really justified (but the men and women fighting it have my support), but it's not like your pissy little country and its TENS or soldiers are doing much of precisely DICK to shoulder the burden.

As allies go, the U.K. the rest of the coalition equates to the person who volunteers to pull the truck into the yard after the other guy hauled the freight 10,000 miles without a break.

Wanna know why we blow you idiots up? You don't know when to stay the fuck out of our way! Our boys are out there, risking their necks for YOUR oil too, but all you fucks can kick down is HOW many? A couple thousand? Take them and go.

Sure, there was no exit strategy planned, and sure it's a total clusterfuck. Sure, our world-class piece of shit leaders got us into this mess. But personally, I could give a rat's ass about what you and the rest of your little island of surrender-monkeys think of America. Why? Magic number:1776. Ring a bell? And you guys have been giving us rimjobs ever since, over every little conflict that comes your way.

So excuse me, but I'm with FTR here. Far as I am concerned, he can "take the piss" out of any country he wants, given how little help you all have actually been.

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

SEP 03, 2007 10:50 AM

Someone needs to switch to decaf.

And maybe have a lobotomy.

_kungfoo_

_kungfoo_

Los Angeles, CA
April 2005

SEP 03, 2007 10:50 AM

Do I sense a Conan O'Brien-esqe, FearTheReaper Hates My Homeland series coming up?

Mark_plus_Beer

Mark_plus_Beer

United Kingdom
August 2005

SEP 03, 2007 10:50 AM

Hunkpapa said:
i'm an island pigeon, not an elf, damn you.



but would you make a good pie though ?

Anguz

Anguz

United Kingdom
May 2006

SEP 03, 2007 10:52 AM

HAHAHAHA! The UK have some of the best military forces in the world! That's why most of yours are trained by ours numbnutz. You're entitled to your opinion though. It's just wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! You must be proud knowing 90% of the planet hates your country though.

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

SEP 03, 2007 10:54 AM

Make that two people who would benefit from lobotomies.

Or at least benefit the rest of us by having them.

Gringo

Gringo

Spokane, WA
May 2006

SEP 03, 2007 10:57 AM

surreal @ the posts in this thread.

[sarcasm] I really cannot fathom why most countries outside of the U.S. view us as retarded. [/sarcasm]

Alz

Alz

Lincoln, NE
February 2007

SEP 03, 2007 10:58 AM

masterfrederick said:

dave_clark_f1ve said:

KingHELL said:


Hey, island elves, I don't even know what the fuck "autumn" means. We call it fall. You're not better than us.


Yeah, they're probably trying to go waaay out of their way not to use the word "fall" in conjunction with the names of any Iraqi cities.



Nah, we don't use the word fall because it's WRONG! Wrong DIDDLY wrong-wrong to be exact. And as for this whole story, you know you might wanna not take the piss out of the only country that still likes you. That in itself is a small miracle given the American tradition of blowing us up when we go to war together. What the hell is friendly about that? I will hold my hands up and admit the only reason we are out there is because Tony Blair had his tongue crammed so far up Bush's ass that, well, I can't think of a good analogy. You get the idea.



You seem to believe that we feel the need to even HAVE allies. Didn't you KNOW, we never needed you there? I don't believe this war was ever really justified (but the men and women fighting it have my support), but it's not like your pissy little country and its TENS or soldiers are doing much of precisely DICK to shoulder the burden.

As allies go, the U.K. the rest of the coalition equates to the person who volunteers to pull the truck into the yard after the other guy hauled the freight 10,000 miles without a break.

Wanna know why we blow you idiots up? You don't know when to stay the fuck out of our way! Our boys are out there, risking their necks for YOUR oil too, but all you fucks can kick down is HOW many? A couple thousand? Take them and go.

Sure, there was no exit strategy planned, and sure it's a total clusterfuck. Sure, our world-class piece of shit leaders got us into this mess. But personally, I could give a rat's ass about what you and the rest of your little island of surrender-monkeys think of America. Why? Magic number:1776. Ring a bell? And you guys have been giving us rimjobs ever since, over every little conflict that comes your way.

So excuse me, but I'm with FTR here. Far as I am concerned, he can "take the piss" out of any country he wants, given how little help you all have actually been.



Wow. Speaking of things up asses, I believe you may want to remove the stick from yours. It's just making you irritable.

SirPsychoSexy

SirPsychoSexy

Ridgewood, NJ
January 2004

SEP 03, 2007 11:02 AM

My money is with Barbados.

bluegiant

bluegiant

United Kingdom
October 2006

SEP 03, 2007 11:03 AM

You're not better than us.



Ummm...actually, I think you'll find that we are.

Oh, and by the way, there's no such thing as a 'sidewalk', you can't spell 'theatre', and FOR FUCKS SAKE WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE LEARN HOW TO PRONOUNCE 'ALUMINIUM'!!!

love and kisses.



Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

SEP 03, 2007 11:03 AM

TheGringo said:
surreal @ the posts in this thread.

[sarcasm] I really cannot fathom why most countries outside of the U.S. view us as retarded. [/sarcasm]


Or why other countries might also be viewed as retarded?

See post immediately preceding.

pastymagoo

pastymagoo

Long Beach, CA
September 2007

SEP 03, 2007 11:06 AM

Why cant we all just get along as an Englishman im glad our country is pulling out of the War and i think the US should do the same theres no shame in it i mean it wouldnt be the first time you have done it

photoline

photoline

Edmonton, AB
January 2005

SEP 03, 2007 11:06 AM

Before you can train someone, you have to speak the same language...

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