NEWS: The Republican Candidates Are Sad Little Turds

POLITICS: The Republican Candidates Are Sad Little Turds

The big news from this weekend’s Iowa straw poll was how little the voting public thinks of the current crop of Republican candidates. Ten thousand fewer Republicans cast votes for this group of candidates than they did for the 2000 candidates. “None of the above” is consistently winning in Republican polls. The reason is simple: Every Republican candidate has some horrible quality that makes them unelectable to the base.

Rudy Giuliani won’t win the nomination because he is pro-abortion and has an ugly marital history. He is twice divorced, once marrying a cousin and another time living through a nasty public separation while Mayor of New York.

There is no way Giuliani will win a Republican nomination with the current state of religious lunacy that has a hold over the party. Sorry, loser, you’re out.

Fred Thompson is the newest of the candidates who has absolutely no chance. Freddy also has a problem with his abortion loving past. He was a lobbyist for a pro-choice group, which may actually be worse than being ideologically against abortion.

Watch that number shoot up when he actually joins the race and Republicans get a look at his abortion record. Sorry, actor boy, you’re gone.

Mitt Romney is such a poor candidate for the Republican ticket that it is astounding. He has spent loads of money and is only polling in third place.

Why? He’s a Mormon. Game over.

John McCain is old and shockingly pathetic. He attached himself to Bush’s surge and took a walk through the streets of Iraq surrounded by helicopters and soldiers. That was the day his campaign ended.

He is also considered to be a "moderate" turncoat by many Republicans. Good night, grandpa.

An August 5th Rasmussen poll has Giuliani on top. (None of the above was not given as an option)

Giuliani 25%
Thompson 24%
Romney 14%
McCain 11%
Mike Huckabee 3%
Sam Brownback 2%
Ron Paul, Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo are just tiny blips of nothingness.

Republicans need a viable candidate to step in and take over this mess or the masses are going to vote for No One to face the Democratic opponent.

This article shows just how little understanding you have of the Iowa Straw Poll, or the Republicans in general. I'm amazed at how a community that prides itself on tolerance and acceptance, can be so jaded and intolerant of others political views....quite to the point of ridicule. That is unacceptible, and I think you need to consider an apology to those of us who happen to be Republicans. Our money spends just as easily as anyone else's. I don't think that we paid our membership dues to come here and have our views disparaged daily by individuals who have the faintest notion of what they speak.

Frankly, I think you'd be better served monitoring your own side of the aisle, and covering the lightweights in the Democratic race.

Oh and by the way, Mitt Romney one the fucking straw poll....how you can right an article and not once mention the ACTUAL RESULTS only further demonstrates the fact the you are a moron with a keyboard.

It's four dollars a month, dude. How much justice do you think that buys? Especially taking the naked women into account, which is where most of your hard-earned four dollars is going. After that, overhead, and a few other features, you only have about 1.7¢ left over for justice.

Get over it, big spender.

I'm not a Democrat. And fuck off.

*massive irony bolded for effect

I have no idea...

You actually missed this:

I thought it would be more humorous to focus all effort on the one joke...

From the SG News FAQ:

I always revel in the pure, uncut irony that is a Republican lecturing fucking anyone about "tolerance and acceptance".

-TM

Uh, FTR, don't you know it doesn't work like that? If you disagree with Republicans, it means you are a Democrat. Which is why you haven't written any Fuck Clinton or Fuck Al Gore articles. Or any other Democrats. Ever. *Cough*

Alright, now that graphicsman has been skooled enuf, I have a question for FTR.

Any ideas about the viable candidate to step in and take over the mess?

The Republican candidates always seem terrible and unelectable to me. I distinctly recall thinking that nobody in his/her right mind was going to vote for our currently selected shitbag. To make things worse, I did this twice. My mind is clearly not calibrated to Republican elect-ability.

Whaddya think FTR, who's the dark horse?

Thats true, If you don't have anything nice to say, Don't say anything at all.

I've had a similar line of thinking myself. Then again, the Democrats don't have a good track record for nominating non-shitbags, either, which may account for GWB being a two term president. *sigh*

I wonder if he's still holding out for Chuck Hagel...

Fixed.

Other than Clinton, the Democrats haven't advanced a genuinely electable candidate since . . . FDR, really. Unless you count Kennedy, which is debatable.

Fuck Off? That's the best you can do? (aside from all those who chose to mock my grammar) Thanks to the member who posted the News FAQ. Maybe I will just post my own news stories then. In the meantime, check this out before you get too sure about Hillary's prospects.

Clinton a Drag? http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070812/D8QVK9501.html

That's a good assessment, including Kennedy, considering the controversy surrounding his election and his poor standing in the polls in the weeks before his assassination.
It doesn't appear they're going to be any different this time, either. If they win, it'll be like Carter, who won because the GOP fucked up.
It would be nice if either side could advance someone worth two shits, but all I can see is the flaws, maybe because the incumbent and his predecessor were so disappointing.

He generally bashes all parties and their candidates with equal glee.

True story.