NEWS: Little Wizard Needs Food...BADLY

You know though, there'd be a lot more roleplayers if Tony Soprano had rolled a saving throw before that uneventful fade to black....

From THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO AD&D UNLAWFUL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE

Prismatic Dildo (Conjuration)

Level: 6
Range: 60 yards
Components: V
Duration: 3 rounds/level
Casting Time: 6
Area of Effect: Special
Saving Throw: Special

This spell allows the caster to conjure up an opaque object within
some orifice of a creature within range, providing the creature with
seven different sexual stimuli. Any creature with Constitution under 6
or fewer than 4 Hit Dice is immediately overcome by the sensation and
falls orgasming and unconscious for 2d4 turns. Any attempt to remove
the dildo only lodges it further, and increases the duration by 2
rounds. The seven colors of the shimmering cylinder function as
follows:

Color----- Order------ Effect----------------------Spell Negated By
Red-------1st----------Pornographic Illusions---Disbelief, True Seeing
Orange---2nd---------Arousal Cantrip-----------Disinterest
Yellow----3rd---------Expansion/Contraction---Hold Person
Green-----4th---------Enigmatic Enema----------Transmute Water to Dust
Blue-------5th---------Ben-Wa Rotation----------Chill Touch
Indigo-----6th---------Vibration--------------------Irritation
Violet-----7th---------Lubrication------------------Dispel Magic

Each color must be removed in order to negate the dildo before the
end of its natural duration. The spellcaster also may dispel the dildo
at will. It is rumored that other variations of the Prismatic Dildo
exist, both in their effects and their negations.

And I thought my diamond dildo nunchaku was awesome!

I'm sure they are, but let me tell ye, popping off a Prismatic Dildo during a state of the union address would be pretty awesome....