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FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUN 30, 2007 11:25 PM



Remember the movie, Independence Day? Aliens attacked the Earth but were eventually killed by Randy Quaid. (Which is pretty much how it would really happen.) During the film, the President learns that years ago an alien spacecraft had crashed and the UFO was still in the military’s possession. Well, it looks like Independence Day was based on fact. This, of course means that Wednesday we are going to be attacked by aliens.

Anyway, let’s recap some history. Sixty years ago in Roswell, New Mexico a UFO was reported to have crashed on a ranch. Headlines around the country reported that a “Flying Saucer Was Captured.” The military even issued a press release claiming they had possession of a disc. But the next day the military changed the story and said it was a weather balloon. It’s a pretty easy mistake to make.

But UFO enthusiasts just could not let it go. They had eyewitness descriptions of strange metal from the craft that was unlike anything else on Earth. They wouldn't let it go. Eventually, they became known as fun, harmless nutjobs who enjoyed conspiracy theories. They even got their own TV show, “The X-Files.” Roswell became the UFO capitol of the world.

But now, new information has come to light that UFO enthusiasts say proves their claims. The public relations officer who worked at the military base where the UFO was brought has died, but not before he left a sworn affidavit of the incident.

Lieutenant Walter Haut is the man responsible for issuing the original UFO and the second weather balloon press releases. According the affidavit, the first UFO press release was the truth.

Haut's affidavit talks about a high-level meeting he attended…

…at this meeting, pieces of wreckage were handed around for participants to touch, with nobody able to identify the material.

He says the press release was issued because locals were already aware of the crash site, but in fact there had been a second crash site, where more debris from the craft had fallen.

The plan was that an announcement acknowledging the first site, which had been discovered by a farmer, would divert attention from the second and more important location.


Wow. UFO freaks are probably losing their minds right now, running around trying to find the “2nd site," desperately trying to prove to their Mothers that their life was somehow meaningful.

Haut then tells how Colonel Blanchard took him to "Building 84" - one of the hangars at Roswell - and showed him the craft itself.

He describes a metallic egg-shaped object around 3.6m-4.5m in length and around 1.8m wide. He said he saw no windows, wings, tail, landing gear or any other feature.

He saw two bodies on the floor, partially covered by a tarpaulin. They are described in his statement as about 1.2m tall, with disproportionately large heads.


Until his death, Haut always stuck to the military cover story. But now he’s dead, so he is not worried about the Cigarette Man killing him. Either way, it’s just more information for UFO enthusiasts to go crazy over. Not that they needed it. In all probability a guy with a great sense of humor just pulled a fantastic joke on a bunch of people who were driving him crazy his entire life.

In the end, until we actually see a body or a piece of the wreckage, it is pretty meaningless. What we really need to be focused on today are witches attacking us from Mexico. Yes, I said witches.

theworldisfine

theworldisfine

United Kingdom
June 2007

JUL 01, 2007 09:12 AM

Hot. My years 8 through fourteen weren't for nothing then.
Nanoo nanoo.

HoneyBadger

HoneyBadger

USA
July 2006

JUL 01, 2007 09:18 AM

Oh great, on top or worrying about immigrants with leprosy now we have to worry about witches tongue biggrin

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

JUL 01, 2007 09:19 AM

That "astronomer" was so obviously the witch!

Dovanna

Dovanna

Minneapolis, MN
March 2007

JUL 01, 2007 09:24 AM

With as advanced as digital technology is these days, someone could create a "real and believable" video of a flying donkey with dragon wings.

It just amazes me that some people will jump to the most far-out conclusion first, and then journalists will pick it up! mad

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

JUL 01, 2007 09:25 AM

Zarth said:
That "astronomer" was so obviously the witch!



"whew, i think that worked. i'll just have to steer clear of monterrey from now on."

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

JUL 01, 2007 09:29 AM

MrCrisp said:

Zarth said:
That "astronomer" was so obviously the witch!


"whew, i think that worked. i'll just have to steer clear of monterrey from now on."


I just can't believe nobody else caught on. She had fucking antennae on her head, people!! WAKE UP!!!!

Himes

Himes

Brooklyn, NY
October 2006

JUL 01, 2007 09:31 AM

I love how the witch was flying so slow! Scaring people wth the pace of Jason.

Omega_Blue

Omega_Blue

Antelope, CA
June 2007

JUL 01, 2007 09:32 AM

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, it would be very interesting if the story was real, but until sufficient evidence is presented (not anecdotes or affidavits), it cannot be taken seriously...As far as the aliens, aren't they already here (they do the jobs Americans don't want to do)...LOL

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

JUL 01, 2007 09:42 AM

Zarth said:

MrCrisp said:

Zarth said:
That "astronomer" was so obviously the witch!


"whew, i think that worked. i'll just have to steer clear of monterrey from now on."


I just can't believe nobody else caught on. She had fucking antennae on her head, people!! WAKE UP!!!!



they walk amongst us!

Kundalini

Kundalini

Kalamazoo, MI
June 2004

JUL 01, 2007 09:51 AM

Dude, when the po-po say "Ay, ay, ay - oh, mi estomago!" You know it's for reals.

Fucking witches... What the hell is the border patrol doing? Have they been informed about this new danger to American security? WHAT IF THEY'RE AL QUAEDA WITCHES!!!1 Fucking call Dick Cheney and head to the goddamn bomb shelters!!! It's the apocalypse mother-fuckers!!11

EL SUICIDO LOCO

Omega_Blue

Omega_Blue

Antelope, CA
June 2007

JUL 01, 2007 09:56 AM

I Just watched the flying humanoid video, is it just me or does the "flying humanoid" look like a cluster of balloons, or perhaps balloons in a black plastic bag???

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

JUL 01, 2007 09:57 AM

Omega_Blue said:
I Just watched the flying humanoid video, is it just me or does the "flying humanoid" look like a cluster of balloons, or perhaps balloons in a black plastic bag???


Nice try, witch!

Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

JUL 01, 2007 09:57 AM

That's Lord Voldemort, everyone knows that... a clever ruse to promote the next Harry Potter book, thus obtaining even more royalties. He IS the main villain, after all

By the way the "astronomer" Julieta Fierro Gossman, is a renowned scientist who has published over 19 books, won the Kalinga Award of the UNESCO (second woman to ever win that thing, after Margaret Mead in 1970), and was appointed President of the IAU, and among other things was making fun of UFO hunters in that video.

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

JUL 01, 2007 10:00 AM

MrCrisp said:

Zarth said:

MrCrisp said:

Zarth said:
That "astronomer" was so obviously the witch!


"whew, i think that worked. i'll just have to steer clear of monterrey from now on."


I just can't believe nobody else caught on. She had fucking antennae on her head, people!! WAKE UP!!!!



they walk amongst us!



flabajaba2213

flabajaba2213

Plymouth, MA
July 2006

JUL 01, 2007 10:01 AM

MrCrisp said:

Zarth said:

MrCrisp said:

Zarth said:
That "astronomer" was so obviously the witch!


"whew, i think that worked. i'll just have to steer clear of monterrey from now on."


I just can't believe nobody else caught on. She had fucking antennae on her head, people!! WAKE UP!!!!



they walk amongst us!



Fucking awesome movie.

And fucking witches with all of their spells and such. I want to fly...

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

JUL 01, 2007 10:01 AM

Ferretbite said:
By the way the "astronomer" Julieta Fierro Gossman, is a renowned scientist who has published over 19 books, won the Kalinga Award of the UNESCO (second woman to ever win that thing, after Margaret Mead in 1970), and was appointed President of the IAU, and among other things was making fun of UFO hunters in that video.



she certainly knows a lot about space. hmmm...

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

JUL 01, 2007 10:08 AM

MrCrisp said:

Ferretbite said:
By the way the "astronomer" Julieta Fierro Gossman, is a renowned scientist who has published over 19 books, won the Kalinga Award of the UNESCO (second woman to ever win that thing, after Margaret Mead in 1970), and was appointed President of the IAU, and among other things was making fun of UFO hunters in that video.


she certainly knows a lot about space. hmmm...


SHE HAD FUCKING ANTENNAE! ON HER HEAD!!!!

WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE?!?!?

kpatrickglover

kpatrickglover

I'm lost
June 2007

JUL 01, 2007 10:11 AM

hmmm, space witches. I wonder if they wear underwear.......

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

JUL 01, 2007 10:12 AM

Zarth said:

MrCrisp said:

Ferretbite said:
By the way the "astronomer" Julieta Fierro Gossman, is a renowned scientist who has published over 19 books, won the Kalinga Award of the UNESCO (second woman to ever win that thing, after Margaret Mead in 1970), and was appointed President of the IAU, and among other things was making fun of UFO hunters in that video.


she certainly knows a lot about space. hmmm...


SHE HAD FUCKING ANTENNAE! ON HER HEAD!!!!

WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE?!?!?



SHOW ME THE BROOM, MAN. THE BROOM!

tadkil

tadkil

Duluth, GA
September 2004

JUL 01, 2007 10:12 AM

We are ruled by aliens

Dick Cheney is a Hutt!

Can't you see Condie Rice chained to his chair in the senate in the Leia slave outfit?

It's real...

Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

JUL 01, 2007 10:14 AM

tadkil said:
Can't you see Condie Rice chained to his chair in the senate in the Leia slave outfit?



Thanks for the image! Thanks a lot!

Omega_Blue

Omega_Blue

Antelope, CA
June 2007

JUL 01, 2007 10:14 AM

kpatrickglover333981 said:
hmmm, space witches. I wonder if they wear underwear.......



Space Witches...LOL, sounds like the title of a poor-quality porn flick...

Bloodied_Up

Bloodied_Up

Somerville, MA
May 2004

JUL 01, 2007 10:19 AM

Zarth said:

MrCrisp said:

Zarth said:

MrCrisp said:

Zarth said:
That "astronomer" was so obviously the witch!


"whew, i think that worked. i'll just have to steer clear of monterrey from now on."


I just can't believe nobody else caught on. She had fucking antennae on her head, people!! WAKE UP!!!!



they walk amongst us!






"the goggles, they do nothing"

Omega_Blue

Omega_Blue

Antelope, CA
June 2007

JUL 01, 2007 10:20 AM

More proof of flying humanoids...
Tattoo is a disinformation agent...DON'T BELIEVE HIM!!!

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