NEWS: Cows Get Bored With Just Milk, Switch to Wine

CULTURE: Cows Get Bored With Just Milk, Switch to Wine

Cows are just givers. They make steaks, hamburgers, milk shakes, ice cream, cough drops, and leather jackets. To add to the list, cows decided it was high time they started producing wine in their udders and take some of the attention off those stupid grapes. To do this they asked Dr. Shuji Sakegame of Kyoto University to mess with their genetic make-up.

Nowai is forbidden from drinking the cow wine, but it's interesting that Sakegami's thought process started with, "My child has a problem with dairy," and ended with "Can we get like a keg of wine from there?"



So now, as long as everyone is down with altering the genetic make-up of cows - not like we haven't done it before - we could see the first commercially available bottles of cow wine within 15 to 20 years. We'll probably also see a growing instance of crazy people sneaking onto farms and passing out drunk after a night of chatting up Sake Cows. Maybe after some more genetic coaxing the cow can just make pre-mixed White Russians, or at least alcoholic dairy to add to our morning coffee and cereal so that before the work day has even started we don't think honestly about how stupid the world we live in seems to be getting.



No word one whether Nowai's adjustment to non-alcoholic dairy has improved.

not al ALL ironic that the first part of his name is SAKE. oh, no...

greatest thing i've ever read.

is this really fucking for real?

A couple of questions spring immediately to mind:

1) What does producing alcohol do to the delicate tissues of the cows mamary glands (or is it just milk-that's-ready-to-ferment)?

2) Why is this being researched in Japan, where the price of beef is already through the roof, and pastureland is at a premium?

And it starts to make sense

Irish coffee just got a whole new dimension.

(I can't wait until Bailey's gets a hold of this technology.)

Yeah, I hope this ain't real. There are a lot of better ways to produce alcohol...

great. not only do the Japanese have 8-12 meter tall combat robots, heated toilet seats, and that ball thing that's got just about everything stashed in it a-la-Inspector Gadget, their genetics programs are light years ahead of ours, too?

i bet they'll have genetically engineered vat-born super soldiers to pilot their mechs, planes, and battle armor by the time the US decides to flip out and make the whole world the enemy.

It starts with wine, then beer, then Jack, next think you know I have to buy a whole herd of cattle.

So, could I go to a restaurant and order a glass of wine and a steak from the same cow? That's some gormet shit right there.

i have an otter that cooks a damn fine souffle.

If you could, would it be Kosher?

The guy's daughter is called Nowai...

im getting a flash of the future!

i see... cows being rented out for 21st birthdays and the deposits on the cows being outrageous at liquor stores

=-> Alecks

Oh yeah? They can grow grapes inside of cow udders now?

pass the bio-engineering i want wine titties!