Sex Talk

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12/29/07
12/17/07

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Dissipate

Dissipate

Minneapolis, MN
April 2005

MAR 28, 2007 10:59 AM

Ms_Magdalena said:

Amboyace said:

Ms_Magdalena said:

But I have another friend who will spoon with me at night when I stay over and will cuddle to watch movies, completely innocuously. And no, he's not gay =P

So it all just depends, in my opinion, but it is definitely possible =)



A hottie like you? C'mon!

Show that "friend" of yours your latest blog post and spooning will turn into "forkin" real quick.


love



Hahahahahahaha!!!! tongue



I'd say I'd fork ya........ But the second contraction doesn't make sense

Nea

Nea

Farmingdale, NY
October 2006

MAR 28, 2007 11:35 AM

Keri said:

PointBlank said:
Ask your girlfriend or your coworker's husband.



for reals. see how they feel about it whatever



agreed

saltynz

saltynz

I'm lost
December 2006

MAR 29, 2007 01:59 AM

Nea said:

Keri said:

PointBlank said:
Ask your girlfriend or your coworker's husband.



for reals. see how they feel about it whatever



agreed



Personally, I think you're asking for trouble.

Asking the significant others is not so much asking for trouble as walking up and slapping it in the face.

Tritone

Tritone

Saint Paul, MN
May 2004

MAR 29, 2007 03:40 AM

saltynz said:

Nea said:

Keri said:

PointBlank said:
Ask your girlfriend or your coworker's husband.



for reals. see how they feel about it whatever



agreed



Personally, I think you're asking for trouble.

Asking the significant others is not so much asking for trouble as walking up and slapping it in the face.



Welcome to the point. You're a bit late, but we're glad you came.

Morgan

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Georgia, USA

MAR 29, 2007 06:29 AM

Velveteen_Saint said:
The only reason this doesn't turn into a four-way lovefest is that you are all feeling like you're doing something you shouldn't. Except you all want to. And the only people you'd offend is one another.



Umm, no. He made absolutely no mention of how his girlfriend or his friend's husband would feel about a "four-way lovefest". How can you assume that they'd be okay with it?

Velveteen_Saint

Velveteen_Saint

Bellingham, WA
June 2006

MAR 29, 2007 10:19 AM

Morgan said:

Velveteen_Saint said:
The only reason this doesn't turn into a four-way lovefest is that you are all feeling like you're doing something you shouldn't. Except you all want to. And the only people you'd offend is one another.



Umm, no. He made absolutely no mention of how his girlfriend or his friend's husband would feel about a "four-way lovefest". How can you assume that they'd be okay with it?



Arg, I knew that would seem loaded. I'm not meaning to talk "orgy" here.

It's just that I haven't really seen a reason these two shouldn't acknowledge their feelings for one another. Yes - they are in long-lasting relationships, but to me that says "communicate about the issue" rather than "consider all other prospects for love over."

Gringo

Gringo

USA
May 2006

MAR 29, 2007 10:29 AM

Shimano092 said:
ok, so I have this very attractive friend at work, who I also connect with on a very cool level. and the other day we hung out and took a nap on the couch together all cuddly. I bet you are thinking, who cares sounds good. The only weird part is she is 28 and married to a guy she has been with for 8 years and trying to have a baby and I am 24 and in a 5 1/2 year relationship with a girl that is moving to CT in a few months. So my question is does anyone else have any experience with people that really don't fit into a friend category or girl friend category? We have never kissed or anything beyond that, so can this work?


I think it is perfectly natural and expected for you to find yourself attracted to people other than your girlfriend. It's likely that your girlfriend finds herself attracted to other guys. In most cases, people just suppress those feelings and desires because of a current commitment to someone else.

My girlfriend and I have been together for only three years but we keep a pretty simple rule: Don't do anything without your partner that you wouldn't be comfortable with them doing it without you.

Also, if it's something that you feel strongly about but can't be open and honest about with your partner - then it's either a bad idea or you should re-evaluate your relationship.

Martini

Martini

SUICIDEGIRL

Ontario, Canada

MAR 29, 2007 10:58 AM

i'll cuddle you... IN TEH FAISE!!!11!

xo

RudieCantFail

RudieCantFail

Intercourse, PA
January 2006

MAR 29, 2007 11:12 AM

Martini said:
i'll cuddle you... IN TEH FAISE!!!11!

xo



I double-dog dare ya tongue

Velveteen_Saint

Velveteen_Saint

Bellingham, WA
June 2006

MAR 29, 2007 11:51 AM

Martini said:
i'll cuddle you... IN TEH FAISE!!!11!

xo



You're a faise.

wrnits

wrnits

Montreal, QC
June 2003

MAR 29, 2007 05:47 PM

TheGringo said:

Shimano092 said:
ok, so I have this very attractive friend at work, who I also connect with on a very cool level. and the other day we hung out and took a nap on the couch together all cuddly. I bet you are thinking, who cares sounds good. The only weird part is she is 28 and married to a guy she has been with for 8 years and trying to have a baby and I am 24 and in a 5 1/2 year relationship with a girl that is moving to CT in a few months. So my question is does anyone else have any experience with people that really don't fit into a friend category or girl friend category? We have never kissed or anything beyond that, so can this work?


I think it is perfectly natural and expected for you to find yourself attracted to people other than your girlfriend. It's likely that your girlfriend finds herself attracted to other guys. In most cases, people just suppress those feelings and desires because of a current commitment to someone else.

My girlfriend and I have been together for only three years but we keep a pretty simple rule: Don't do anything without your partner that you wouldn't be comfortable with them doing it without you.

Also, if it's something that you feel strongly about but can't be open and honest about with your partner - then it's either a bad idea or you should re-evaluate your relationship.



This is a pretty good response but I don't feel like it covers everything. People are different, and the same applies to people in relationships. MY partner and I are in an "open" relationship, but I know there are lines that I can cross that she can't, and vice versa. However the key is to KNOW where those lines are. One way is to talk about it, of course. If talking about it doesn't seem like an option, though, there's usually a reason-- the reason is, you aren't comfortable with it, or you know they won't be-- so it's out.

Gringo

Gringo

USA
May 2006

MAR 29, 2007 08:57 PM

I've been in relationships where you have to lie or hide things...I'm pretty much over that. If I can't be 100% honest in a relationship then I'd rather be single.

If you cannot be honest with her then you are probably crossing a line. When you do that, you are increasing your stress level (by hiding it) and putting her in a position where she could be emotionally crushed if/when she finds out about what you've been hiding. It's just not a fun situation.

It might be best to just lay it all out and deal with her response. At least by being honest and upfront, you are giving her the ability to make a real assessment of whether or not the relationship can accommodate the new circumstance and how to best handle it.

You would want that same respect if the situation was reversed......I'm sure.

unravled

unravled

Vancouver, WA
August 2003

MAR 29, 2007 09:50 PM

Velveteen_Saint said:

Martini said:
i'll cuddle you... IN TEH FAISE!!!11!

xo



You're a faise.



Your mom platonic cuddles.

PRockGirlScout

PRockGirlScout

Hawaii National Park, HI
October 2005

MAR 31, 2007 12:11 PM

I've had plenty of friends I've cuddled with an nothing more. As long as you know your SO would be cool with it, it's not a big deal. It's important to know yourself too. If you actually have romantic feelings for the person, it's a bad idea.

Velveteen_Saint

Velveteen_Saint

Bellingham, WA
June 2006

MAR 31, 2007 12:14 PM

PRockGirlScout said:
If you actually have romantic feelings for the person, it's a bad idea.



See, this is what I don't get.

MsTwinkle

MsTwinkle

Seattle, WA
October 2006

APR 01, 2007 02:23 PM

I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I believe in cuddling always. With anyone you want. At any time. Even if you are in a relationship.

But uh... usually this doesn't work with non-Unitarians. I guess I just grew up in that culture...

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

APR 01, 2007 02:55 PM

Redhead said:
I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I believe in cuddling always. With anyone you want. At any time. Even if you are in a relationship.

But uh... usually this doesn't work with non-Unitarians. I guess I just grew up in that culture...



Huh. That's a UU tenet I've never heard before.

MsTwinkle

MsTwinkle

Seattle, WA
October 2006

APR 01, 2007 04:56 PM

Necia said:

Redhead said:
I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I believe in cuddling always. With anyone you want. At any time. Even if you are in a relationship.

But uh... usually this doesn't work with non-Unitarians. I guess I just grew up in that culture...



Huh. That's a UU tenet I've never heard before.



Haha. Yea, I dunno. Years of going to youth cons, and now young adult cons have just fostered a love of cuddles from everyone. My boy's a UU so we're in the same boat, which makes it nice. Haha.

PRockGirlScout

PRockGirlScout

Hawaii National Park, HI
October 2005

APR 01, 2007 04:57 PM

Velveteen_Saint said:

PRockGirlScout said:
If you actually have romantic feelings for the person, it's a bad idea.



See, this is what I don't get.



What don't you get about it?

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

APR 01, 2007 05:14 PM

Velveteen_Saint said:

Martini said:
i'll cuddle you... IN TEH FAISE!!!11!

xo



You're a faise.



This is one of my favorite responses to any statement ever. The "you're a _____" format just never gets old with me.

Another favorite is the "I'll _____ you!" response (e.g. "I'll faise you!"). That's a winner, too.

saltonsea

saltonsea

Vancouver, BC
July 2004

APR 01, 2007 05:19 PM


no they can't.

cause cuddling leads to dancing, dancing leads to touching, and touching leads to sin.

Bloodied_Up

Bloodied_Up

Waltham, MA
May 2004

APR 01, 2007 05:28 PM

nobodaddy said:
With a friend that's married? No. One of the things that marriage means is that you can't do that. People shouldn't get married if they want to cuddle on the couch with others. Sorry.



i don't agree... actually i think that's the perfect time TO cuddle... considering you're CLEARLY commited to someone else... so there's no issues on if it means more or not... it's clearly just enjoying your friends comfort.

phrogg

phrogg

Greenville, SC
August 2005

APR 01, 2007 05:40 PM

saltonsea said:

no they can't.

cause cuddling leads to dancing, dancing leads to touching, and touching leads to sin.



That's basically what's wrong with sex. Sex can lead to ... dancing!

daughterhermes

daughterhermes

Australia
December 2006

APR 03, 2007 06:22 AM

Necia said:
I think friends can cuddle.

I even think friends can have crushes on one another, or have romantic feelings for one another, without shit getting out of hand and disrupting other relationships.

However, I do think that it can be a lot of work to keep these romantic friendships or infatuation-tinged friendships (whichever the case may be) in check.

I had a friendship like that for a few years. That friendship is not the best example of that kind of thing working well, though, because at some point the friendship part kind of weakened, and then we hooked up, and that pretty much irreparably fucked up everything between us, for a number of reasons both related and unrelated to the dynamics of the type of situation discussed in this thread. It was a pretty fundamentally disappointing experience, though, to say the least. I walked away from it feeling as though the friendship and love and mutual respect that I thought I'd felt there hadn't been authentic--the whole friendship kind of ended up tainted.

I also had a number of boyfriends who were not at all comfortable with that particular friendship before it ended, and their discomfort was probably not entirely without justification.

Such situations are delicate. Tread lightly.



Ruining friendships that are capable of lasting a lifetime are my biggest concern in all this. My best friend and I have become incredibly close in the last few months of our four year friendship.

We've always been very tight - though we've never had sex or kissed mouth to mouth. I'm not usually a touchy feely person, yet it's only with her I've been able to let my guard down. We often cuddle, kiss (on the head, forehead, neck or shoulder), lock fingers when holding hands and have even spooned in the past. We've become incredibly intimate you could say.

But she has a girlfriend she's moving to another country with, and the last few months have been a way for us to deal with our own issues. We had a very tumultuous time last year, which nearly saw us completely cut ties and despise each other in sad reflection.
And although both the tumultuous days are over and opportunities to discuss our intimacy have come and gone, we have enough of an understanding of the other (or is it that we don't have enough confidence in the other) to let things be good. And despite sometimes wondering if I want more with her, that's the way I want us to stay. Friends, together, forever.

apesamongus

apesamongus

Atlanta, GA
July 2002

APR 03, 2007 08:22 AM

It really depends on why you're cuddling. I mean, if you're (let's say) on the side of Mount Everest and you're huddling together for warmth, then you can cuddle with whoever you please - you can have big, burly man cuddling if you want and no one will think less of you. On the other hand, if you're on your couch cuddling because "I like the feel of his/her body against mine", then no, friends can't cuddle. Maybe your SO will be OK with it or maybe not. Maybe it will cause problems in your friendship and maybe it won't. Maybe it will one day lead to misery or maybe it will lead to wild orgies. But no matter what, at that point you can't just cuddle with your friend, because you're not just friends anymore.

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