Just when you think it's over, when you think, "Thank christ they're in college and I can stop hearing about them...."

They name their proteges. What was the unholy inspiration that causes these two succubi to release these demon spawn on the Earth? they probably assumed that the world wasn't cute enough with them locked away in that Virgin Vault at NYU...

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen want to make Cole and Dylan Sprouse the male versions of their teenage girl merchandising empire, The Wall Street Journal reported.

"My sister and I started the whole 'tween empire," Ashley Olsen was quoted as saying. "I definitely see the potential for the boys to do that sort of thing."

The 13-year-old Sprouse twins shared the role of Julian in Adam Sandler's 1999 film, "Big Daddy," just as the entrepreneurial 19-year-old twin actresses played Michelle Tanner on television's "Full House," which aired from 1987-1995.

Sweet Creeping Christ, what have they done? don't let their seemingly benign looks fool you; they serve only the Dark One. Their replacements seem just as bad, if not worse:

With the brand name of D.C. Sprouse, Cole and Dylan will be the face of a boys division that will include DVD movies, CDs and other merchandise for the Olsens' Dualstar Entertainment Group, the newspaper reported Monday.

"They love to Rollerblade, they like to surf, skate and are into videogames. ... They love animals," said the Sprouses' manager, Josh Werkman. "They're boy boys in every sense of the term."

Lock your doors, load the guns... and be ready. When the "tween" Apocalypse occurs, I'll have my double-ought ready to deliver a Good Old Fashioned Display Of American Firepower... just for them. Take that, you fucking Boy Toys.

RumpusParable

Augusta, GA

April 2003

SEP 14, 2005 09:09 AM

man, how did i know this was going to be about the Olsens? a mystery, of course.

squerk

Seattle, WA

December 2004

SEP 14, 2005 09:11 AM

I don't even know where to start...I'm...oh, nevermind...

MistressMissy

Grand Rapids, MI

March 2003

SEP 14, 2005 09:16 AM

well i don't think anyone will be counting down the days until the boys turn 18 so they can have sex with them.

hopelessC

Greeneville, TN

June 2005

SEP 14, 2005 09:19 AM

you know i fucked the Olsen twins before they were famous

pezboy7416

Los Angeles, CA

October 2003

SEP 14, 2005 09:32 AM

HEAR HEAR........... i await.

Al

SUICIDEGIRL

Christmas Island

SEP 14, 2005 09:47 AM

MistressMissy said:
well i don't think anyone will be counting down the days until the boys turn 18 so they can have sex with them.

Whatever. I'm starting a website about it right now.

robosagogo

State College, PA

September 2004

SEP 14, 2005 09:49 AM

Al said:

MistressMissy said:
well i don't think anyone will be counting down the days until the boys turn 18 so they can have sex with them.

Whatever. I'm starting a website about it right now.

And I'm writing a fan fic about them getting raped by genetically altered werewolves. It's called generating buzz, people.

commonman

Baltimore, MD

August 2003

SEP 14, 2005 09:51 AM

Hubris, anyone?

White_Devil

Jessup, MD

June 2005

SEP 14, 2005 10:08 AM

...for the love of money.

SecretDirtbag

Providence, RI

August 2004

SEP 14, 2005 10:26 AM

Hahahahahaha. This is so stupid/funny.

Slander

Dayton, OH

May 2004

SEP 14, 2005 10:41 AM

Is it that the Olsen twins are really bored or something? Why can't they just shut the fuck up and do a sex video like Paris Hilton?

alpha_hazard

Fort Collins, CO

April 2004

SEP 14, 2005 11:01 AM

and here I thought the apocalypse would be fire and brimstone.

Cecelia

Minneapolis, MN

June 2005

SEP 14, 2005 11:02 AM

alpha_hazard said:
and here I thought the apocalypse would be fire and brimstone.

well said.

ThisIsWhoWeAre

Oakland, CA

July 2004

SEP 14, 2005 11:15 AM

Isn't that the same kid(s) who played Ross's son towards the end of "Friends"?

JoshXXX

Northborough, MA

March 2004

SEP 14, 2005 11:28 AM

They are also the stars of Disney's "Suite Life of Zack and Cody"... What? There's kids in the house that watch it.... and the mom is hot... Stop looking at me like that.