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erin_broadley

erin_broadley

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 20, 2008 11:08 AM

BY THE COOLER KING



The world is full of assholes. An unending sea of roiling, bubbling assholes, growing, spawning combining to bring forth even bigger, and bigger assholes on a minute by minute basis. A sea so massive in scope that it's become nearly impossible to stand out in if you're anything short of a murderer. All this makes Jennifer Lopez's latest offering even more special... impressive even.



Not only did she manage that impressive feat, she went further, managing to embody nearly everything wrong with America today in one single statement. I'm not sure most could do this even if trying. A coked-up Donald Trump doesn't might not even be able to hit that mark every time.



The actress apparently insists on dressing her five-month-old twins in new designer gear every day.



We're told: "Jennifer was approached by a charity and asked to donate some dresses for a celebrity auction. She agreed and donated a gorgeous £5,000 frock.



"She also offered some of Max and Emme's clothes, telling organisers that she never lets them 'repeat' outfits.



"But the auction deals only in adult clothes. Jennifer told them it was a shame, as some items cost over Û1,000 (£500) each."





Bravo. I mean, really, well done. Before I attempt to break that bullshit down, consider that this was a statement made to A PUBLIC ORGANIZATION. This wasn't some late night drunken confession to a close friend who saw dollar signs. This wasn't in some diary stolen from her house. Not only does she think this way, (which I'm sure a few jerk-holes here and there do) she thinks it's okay to express this thought to the public.



Things Ruining America Found Within Jennifer Lopez



People are spoiled - Pretty easy to grasp. She takes things for granted. does not value them. Cares nothing for objects which other people create. half-heartedly attempts to recycle them before blaming someone else ("it's a shame" in regards to their not taking children's clothes. Yes, indeed, THAT'S the shame. That part) and then throwing the clothes away. And then telling the world about it.



Kids don't appreciate anything - Kids get this way by getting handed things they o not appreciate. Also, by witnessing shitty people act shitty. Made worse when aforementioned shitty person is a parent.



Kids are selfish - They get this way by feeling they deserve things more than others. Things like soon to be discarded designer clothes.



People are selfish - See above. Those kids grow up and ruin things. Also, see, almost any newspaper headline.



People are wasteful - They reveal this by discarding designer clothes.



People are shallow - They think designer labels mean something. I mean, they do, to a degree. Some are quite nice. Nice enough I'd dare to not throw out after one wearing.



People are lazy - Putting together outfits is fun! Sure, using the word "outfit" leaves you open to ridicule but you get what I mean. Finding ways to recombine old shit with new shit and designer shit is challenging and to be much more vaule than simply throwing on a designer dress. C'mon.





That's it. Is there really anything currently plaguing this planet she country she missed? She did everything with the exception of murder, and, as far as I can tell, she doesn't covet her neighbor's wife.











TheCoolerKing is Comic Con bound

sparaz

sparaz

Lompoc, CA
November 2002

JUL 20, 2008 11:45 AM

God bless america smile

roubles

roubles

I'm lost
June 2008

JUL 20, 2008 11:45 AM

What's wrong with America is after 8 years of an Administration and Congress that has approved an illegal war, torture and repeal of basic rights, people think the clothing of the kids of a movie star is our biggest problem.

LadyBastet

LadyBastet

I'm lost
June 2008

JUL 20, 2008 12:22 PM

Celebrity gossip is a complete waste of time, but hearing about how wasteful people are by purchasing rediculously expensive clothing for children who will outgrow it almost immediately, and then on top of that only letting them get one wear out of it and tossing it?....That just annoys the heck out of me.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 20, 2008 12:31 PM

roubles said:
What's wrong with America is after 8 years of an Administration and Congress that has approved an illegal war, torture and repeal of basic rights, people think the clothing of the kids of a movie star is our biggest problem.


You're right. Every article written should address the Bush administration, specifically. Articles slamming other out of touch, money-hungry, ego-driven monsters are diverting resources from the real problem.

How dare I waste space in my CELEBRITY column on Jennifer Lopez.

All films, shows, songs, stand-up routines and articles should be about the war and/or W.

papawheelie

papawheelie

Fisty, KY
February 2003

JUL 20, 2008 12:35 PM




(_someone_ had to post it...)

erin_broadley

erin_broadley

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 20, 2008 01:06 PM

TheCoolerKing said:

roubles said:
What's wrong with America is after 8 years of an Administration and Congress that has approved an illegal war, torture and repeal of basic rights, people think the clothing of the kids of a movie star is our biggest problem.


You're right. Every article written should address the Bush administration, specifically. Articles slamming other out of touch, money-hungry, ego-driven monsters are diverting resources from the real problem.

How dare I waste space in my CELEBRITY column on Jennifer Lopez.

All films, shows, songs, stand-up routines and articles should be about the war and/or W.



how dare you. haha. love it. shame on j lo.

legman

legman

Portland, OR
February 2006

JUL 20, 2008 01:57 PM

all that, and she CAN'T SING, either!

roubles

roubles

I'm lost
June 2008

JUL 20, 2008 02:06 PM

Obviously (or I guess not) I don't have a problem with a celebrity article since I read it. I had a problem with saying these kid's clothing is "everything that's wrong with America." Movie stars have always been nutty and amusing but they're not what's wrong with the US.

fasT_aire

fasT_aire

Freedom, CA
December 2005

JUL 20, 2008 02:28 PM

lame article on a lame subject

pawko4b

pawko4b

Mechanicsburg, PA
May 2008

JUL 20, 2008 02:47 PM

Well I think those are some very truthful statements and we should all slap each other and say what the fuck buddy quit being an ass.

lefthandright

lefthandright

New Zealand
September 2006

JUL 20, 2008 03:11 PM

"Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got,...I 'm still,...I 'm still... Jenny from the block." If the 'Block' she is referring to is Rodeo drive, then that is a correct and factual statement. Ben must be giving a sigh of relieve and saying "I am not sure what I saw at the time..I guess it was phase."

Synthiviper

Synthiviper

Chicago, IL
June 2004

JUL 20, 2008 04:23 PM

Yikes! Was this even edited before being tossed up there?

Phantasy

Phantasy

Australia
October 2005

JUL 20, 2008 04:41 PM

Synthiviper said:
Yikes! Was this even edited before being tossed up there?



+1

I enjoyed the article, but what the hell happened?

SuperCrunch

SuperCrunch

Birmingham, AL
January 2007

JUL 20, 2008 04:42 PM

lefthandright said:
"Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got,...I 'm still,...I 'm still... Jenny from the block." If the 'Block' she is referring to is Rodeo drive, then that is a correct and factual statement. Ben must be giving a sigh of relieve and saying "I am not sure what I saw at the time..I guess it was phase."



i think we would be better off in neither of them procreated...

unfortunately...

Ilectra

Ilectra

SUICIDEGIRL

South Carolina, USA

JUL 20, 2008 04:42 PM

Synthiviper said:
Yikes! Was this even edited before being tossed up there?



The way it read, I'm going with NO.

Trevallion

Trevallion

Murfreesboro, TN
February 2004

JUL 20, 2008 05:42 PM

Well I never would have guessed that rich people are out of touch.

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

Charleston, SC
August 2004

JUL 20, 2008 05:58 PM

Trevallion said:
Well I never would have guessed that rich people are out of touch.



maybe if you had more money, you'd understand them a little better, hypocrite.

succubus1997

succubus1997

I'm lost
February 2008

JUL 20, 2008 06:59 PM

it's funny too, because i see things like that everyday. i used to live in a low class town, which was cool, but the other year i moved to the town im at now, which is extraordinarily wealthy (im not rich, everyone around me is.) so in my junior year at a new school, 2nd week, chem class, this random girl sitting next to me turns and says "so do you like my purse? it's new." um, yeah, it's nice. "It's designer." oh. well, how much did that set you back? "it was $1000." what? "uh, it was half off." *scoffs and flips her hair at me* yo bitch, curb your 'tude, like i really fuckin care about your bag, i was only asking to be nice. so i fuckin wrote on it with a pen when she wasn't looking, give me a fuckin attitude. and its sad too, cuz its a whole town of people like that. even sadder was that she was an obese white chick. couldnt have just spent your money on something more useful? like a gym membership and a pair of free weights?

AceT

AceT

Portland, OR
April 2004

JUL 20, 2008 07:20 PM

succubus1997 said:
it's funny too, because i see things like that everyday. i used to live in a low class town, which was cool, but the other year i moved to the town im at now, which is extraordinarily wealthy (im not rich, everyone around me is.) so in my junior year at a new school, 2nd week, chem class, this random girl sitting next to me turns and says "so do you like my purse? it's new." um, yeah, it's nice. "It's designer." oh. well, how much did that set you back? "it was $1000." what? "uh, it was half off." *scoffs and flips her hair at me* yo bitch, curb your 'tude, like i really fuckin care about your bag, i was only asking to be nice. so i fuckin wrote on it with a pen when she wasn't looking, give me a fuckin attitude. and its sad too, cuz its a whole town of people like that. even sadder was that she was an obese white chick. couldnt have just spent your money on something more useful? like a gym membership and a pair of free weights?


So you fought overindulgence with immaturity? Congratulations.

AceT

AceT

Portland, OR
April 2004

JUL 20, 2008 07:21 PM

And it's been a while, but...

succubus1997

succubus1997

I'm lost
February 2008

JUL 20, 2008 07:42 PM

yeah, it felt pretty good too. i have my moments. but you also have to understand, this was the same girl that bragged daily that she fed her pug filet mignon. doesnt have much to do with the pen, but certain degrees of vapidity and spoiled selfishness can't be faked. besides, it wasnt even that much, i dont think she ever noticed. i experienced sharp pains in my frontal lobe whenever she spoke, like the time her mom spent $400 for her a month before christmas, just to get ready for christmas.

FancyD

FancyD

I'm lost
February 2006

JUL 20, 2008 09:30 PM

Err, grammar check, spell check and edit. Check.

It would be soooooo good for her public image if she auctioned off this only worn once expensive baby clothes and used the proceeds to

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

buy more stupidly expensive baby clothes.



There's only a billion or so people dying from starvation and lack of medical attention.

I don't think it's a problem with America in the singular. This seems to be a product of over paid celebrities and capitalism.

It is unfortunately a world wide epidemic in society.

We stuff our faces with white bread and starve too.

GrayRains

GrayRains

El Paso, TX
January 2008

JUL 20, 2008 09:44 PM

AceT said:

succubus1997 said:
it's funny too, because i see things like that everyday. i used to live in a low class town, which was cool, but the other year i moved to the town im at now, which is extraordinarily wealthy (im not rich, everyone around me is.) so in my junior year at a new school, 2nd week, chem class, this random girl sitting next to me turns and says "so do you like my purse? it's new." um, yeah, it's nice. "It's designer." oh. well, how much did that set you back? "it was $1000." what? "uh, it was half off." *scoffs and flips her hair at me* yo bitch, curb your 'tude, like i really fuckin care about your bag, i was only asking to be nice. so i fuckin wrote on it with a pen when she wasn't looking, give me a fuckin attitude. and its sad too, cuz its a whole town of people like that. even sadder was that she was an obese white chick. couldnt have just spent your money on something more useful? like a gym membership and a pair of free weights?



$1,000 for a designer purse, geezus...
So you fought overindulgence with immaturity? Congratulations.



Who cares? I'm sure it was worth the epic lulz to do it.

ardour

ardour

Ottawa, ON
March 2006

JUL 20, 2008 10:33 PM

Iif I was mega rich, I don't think I'd ever want to wear the same socks more than once. New socks just feel so nice.

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