NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #45

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup #45

Many people fear Asshole Fuckfaces and spend their lives hiding and cowering from the worst humanity has to offer. That's where I come in. For centuries, my people have shown a light on the most hideous among us, so that we may know their identity and protect ourselves accordingly. Each week, I scour the Earth looking for the worst of the worst and present them to you, so that you may mock and scorn them, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. So, put on your favorite plastic hoodie and prepare yourself for a dip into Lake Disgusting.



First up, Philadelphia is no stranger to Asshole Fuckacery, but the city of brotherly love managed to reach new lows this week.



Police witnessed a shooting while conducting a drug surveillance operation in the Hunting Park section of Philadelphia. Four men in a car shot at and injured three people standing on a street corner. One of the suspects escaped on foot, while the three others sped away in a car. Police pursued and caught them. That's when the Asshole Fuckfacery started.







Welcome to the world of cameras! You're probably going to get to know those guys better in the yard. Oh, and way to make three attempted murderers rich. That'll teach 'em.



Thirteen of the cops have been suspended. The beating victims have been charged with assault, conspiracy and reckless endangerment. The beatings occurred two days after a police officer was shot to death during a bank robbery. Hey, maybe next time try therapy.



Next up, South African Asshole Fuckfaces have come up with a way to deal with lesbians.



South Africa is seeing an "alarming rise" in the number of "corrective rapes." What are "corrective rapes" you ask? Well, get out your barf bag and take a look.

Well, that's about as awful a sentence as I have ever read in my life. Apparently the problem is especially acute in the Western Cape area. Corrective rape is mostly taking place in schools and is often a student on student crime. The University of South Africa recently did a study and concluded "schools are unsafe places for many lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgendered learners."



But the entire country has a serious problem with lesbian rape. Recently a lesbian football player named Eudy Simeland was gang raped, repeatedly stabbed and killed after returning from a night out. Many South African communities also believe it is acceptable for a man for force himself on a woman if she ignores his come-ons.



Remind me never to go to South Africa. Also, remind me not to grow a vagina.



Next up, some soldiers in Iraq doing an awesome job of Asshole Fuckfacery.







Oh, man, how funny is it to kill dogs? Apparently it's hilarious. Keep up the good work, boys. Shit likes this makes the military look awesome. And by all means - fucking film that shit and put it up on You Tube. Can't see how that might be a problem.



Next up, there really are no greater Asshole Fuckfaces in the world than the ones who run Burma.



Burma was hit by a cyclone last week and death tolls are estimated up to 100,000. The country is completely devastated. Entire villages have been washed away and people have no food or medicine. It could not be a worse or more horrific situation. Yet, the military government refuses to allow aid workers into the country.

A few planes carrying aid have been allowed into the country - but far fewer than what is needed. The military is only using 7 helicopters to distribute the aid throughout the devastated nation. These Asshole Fuckfaces are simply evil.

By all means, take a break. You've been working hard with all the killing of monks and whatnot.



And the final Asshole Fuckface in video. (It's only a 3:21 video, don't know what happened and I can't fix it)

Don't trust the police. Anywhere. Ever. There might have been a time when they were actually working to protect us, the people, but that has long since past. They are now nothing more than a bunch of thugs, bullies and murderers, who are only on the job to fulfill their sick, twisted fantasies of power and domination. Obviously what I have said is a broad generalization, and there are always exceptions, but I believe that the majority of police do not have your or my best interests at heart. Due to mostly to ridiculously low wages for officers, police forces are attracting the school bullies, who just wanna go "kick some ass" and feel all important, rather than do the job they were sworn to do, protecting the public.

The Myanmar generals weren't trying to keep the aid out, apparently. They were just waiting for the labels to be printed . . .

with their names

They're facing the worst humanitarian crisis in Burma's history, and the ruling generals' chief concern is to keep an iron grip on power by barring foreigners and proceeding with the scheduled referendum. It's hard to imagine how they could be a bigger gang of incompetent goons.

But hey, if you're used to throwing $50 million dollar weddings, I guess hanging on to your power would be pretty important to you.

I suspect that for some Philly cops, that was therapy.

Usually the Asshole Fuckfaces you round up here are so fucked up as to flirt with the limits of reality. But this AFR is pretty exceptional. It's on a level that I don't know even fiction writers would touch.

Broad generalization is right. I think you probably just watch too much TV.

It's good to see that the war on terror dogs is going so well.

Or met a lot of cops.

Surely that dog was about to attack them in a segment of the video that wasn't shown.

I'm confused... Did they shoot something at the dog, or did it step on a mine? It was hard to tell from the video. Either way, they're still assholes for laughing at the poor animal's misery.

I've been reading David Simon's book Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets and there was an interesting section in it about the days following the shooting of a cop. At least in Baltimore of the mid-80s, almost all criminals knew that if they committed a crime of any sort while the cop-shooter was still unidentified or at large, they pretty much knew that they would get the shit kicked out of them.

I'm not saying this excuses what the Philly cops did or anything, or that things are still like that now in Philadelphia, but at least at one point in Baltimore if you were stupid enough to get into trouble while the cops were hunting for someone who shot one of their own, you had to expect this sort of thing.

On another note, what kind of fucking coward kills dogs? This whole thing in Iraq has been an exercise in bullying. W wanted to flex his muscles but didn't want to do it against anyone who could actually fight back, so he invaded a country who he though would be an easy pushover. Now these soldiers have followed the same mindset, going after dogs who can't defend themselves against a human as effectively as another human could. It's just sick.

I'm just curious, in the Philadelphia story, how is it that the Asshole Fuckfacery only starts after the shooting?

My Dad's a Po and he's awesome. The good one's get really mad about stories like that one because it makes all of them look bad.

i can't be sure, but i think they were performing ordinance disposal on an IED. as far as laughing at it, well, worse things have certainly happened.

Still, it shows a callous disrespect for life. There's also the disturbing pattern that correlates violence towards animals with sociopathic behavior.

Hooray for all the ignorant jerk-offs who generalize blame on all Americans for the actions of her soldiers. The comments on that YouTube video are almost as bad as the video itself.

"I hate Americans, I hope you all die!"

Gee, thanks buddy. I didn't have anything to do with that video, and quite frankly I think it's disgusting. I'm glad you blame me for it. I hope you die, too.

Name a worse thing that has happened to that poor dog. That dog could have been some kid's only companion in a war-torn city, and some fucking coward blew it up, way to fuel the other side.
That is fucking disgusting. Even in ROTC, we were CONSTANTLY reminded that when in uniform, or even recognized as being a member, we're instantly everything that is good and bad about the US Air Force. My first reaction to that video? "The army is such a bunch of fucking rednecks". I would like to give that man the "way to make america look like a bunch of asshole fuckfaces" medal. We have enough problems with world relations these days, we really don't need anything to help it along.

yeah, so some asshole shoots a cop who was well known and liked in the neighborhood leaving a wife and young children behind (i guess getting killed while trying to stop a robbery doesn't count as protecting the public). then, four guys shoot three people on a sidewalk...i'm also kinda curious how it was the cops who got the aff nod? i'm not saying what they did was ok in any way, it just seems a little weird that they make it to the list after three unarmed people get shot.

when i was younger i thought it was cool to hate cops, too. then i moved into a neighborhood bordering on one of the worst in philly. it was amazing how quickly that led me to develop an appreciation for the cops in my town.

Give me a fucking break. Criminals act like criminals. That's what they do. It is expected. What is not expected is to see a large group of cops acting like animals. As a matter of fact, it's the exact OPPOSITE of their job description.

Welcome to the world of holding people to different standards.

I can totally understand that. I just believe the ratio of good to bad has swung a quite a bit to the bad side. No disrespect to your pop. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that we can no longer completely trust someone just because they have a badge.

Examples if you are getting pulled over, make sure you pull over in a place where others can see you, such as on a main road, or well lit parking lot (one that has cameras is obviously best). If at all possible, do not stop on a side road or in a poorly lit area. This protects both you and the officer by increasing visibility, decreasing the chance the officer will make an improper judgment call that could have deadly consequences.

Last summer, I volunteered with the local Jay-Cees to put on the local fireworks for the 4th of July. While we were setting up, a group of SW Florida's "finest" came speeding through where we had a truck load of fireworks, hit one of our vehicles, ran over some of our equipment, then, when he finally stopped, he began harassing us about our permit (which was perfectly in order), and barking "Do you know who you're talking too?" and other incredibly insane bullshit. These were mostly a group of fucking VETS setting up the local city's fucking fireworks, and the cops were hassling us. There were several other officers there, and when they weren't talking about the (illegal) poker games they all seemed to play so often, they were continuing to harass people and vehicles that we needed to get in and out of the area we were setting up in. If these officers felt that they could harass and intimidate people who were A. from a well known civic group B. Mostly over 40 local residents. C. Fucking VETS!!! D. Setting up fucking 4th of July fireworks, how would these thugs treat people they though even less of? I wish I could say that this was atypical of the encounters I've had with the police over the years, but, unfortunately, it's pretty much more of the same.

Cops are people just like anyone else, it just seems these days that the kind of people attracted to becoming officers are not doing it out of a sense of civic duty, or respect for the people they serve, but as a means to dominate those around them, and feed their pathetic, macho, idiotic egos. Most of the officers that I've dealt with over the age of 50 have been wonderful people who are a honor to the badge, and have hearts of gold. The new generation of police in their 20-30's are an entirely different breed.

You have to protect yourself, the officer may be a saint, or a psycho, you can no longer tell.

give you a fucking break for what? because i think shooting people is worse than beating someone? i agree that what those cops did was wrong and should never happen, i'm not pardoning their behavior in any way. at the same time, i don't think the fact that criminals act like criminals means that we should be any less disgusted by what they did.

you're right, police should be held to a higher standard because of the position they hold and the job they CHOOSE to do. i just don't think that if i had to pick someone to call an animal in this story, its the cops that i would go at first.

I think he meant worse things have happened period, not worse things have happened to that dog... And in that case he's not entirely wrong, the video of the soldiers teasing some kids with a bottle of water is even more sickening.

Which doesn't mean that this one's not completely fucked up.

I guess that's why you don't get to choose the Ashole Fuckfaces and I do. I just understand the world better.

hahaha, fair enough...i concede.