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FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

DEC 29, 2007 12:48 AM





The police in Columbus, Ohio have taken to using topless women as bait to trap perverts. Although, I have to say, if topless women are bait, then come and get me because I fucking love them. Please put bait everywhere. Although, I enjoy bottomless women even more.



Robin Garrison, an off-duty 42-year-old firefighter, was walking in Berliner Park in Columbus, Ohio, in May when he saw a woman sunbathing topless under a tree.



He approached her and they started talking and getting comfortable, the woman smiling and resting her foot on his shoulder at one point.



Eventually, she asked to see Garrison's penis; he unzipped his pants and complied.



That's when the cops moved in and arrested Garrison. He was charged with public indecency and the police had a video to prove it. A video they were making of a half naked woman sitting in a park. Just some guys, sitting in a van, making a video of a topless woman in a park. Totally cool. Thank God they were able to catch some perverts. Luckily for them, Miss Topless was a woman who flirted with guys, made suggestive contact and then said, "Hey, can I see your cock?"



Now, one could say, "Sure, let's go back to my house and you can not just see my cock, but use it like a horsey." But when caught up in the heat of the moment, one could also remove ones cock from ones pants and let it taste sweet, sweet sunlight. I have taken my cock out in a public place for a woman and I am very thankful cops were not filming the event. I am also very thankful I took my cock out because magic events followed.



But why the hell were they there?



Cops were targeting men having sex or masturbating in the park.



Hmmm, my little going after gay men alarm just went off. I noticed that sentence is lacking the "and women" part regarding sex. I guess they just got lucky with the naked lady.



At Garrison's trial, his attorney argued that it was a case of entrapment. "Columbus police utilized this topless woman to snare this man. He sees her day after day. He's not some seedy pervert."



Did not matter, Garrison was convicted. He has to stay away from naked lady park, pay a $250 fine, is on probation for a year and cannot cum for six months. Okay, maybe I made up that last part.



Garrison has not been fired from the fire department and hopefully it won't happen. He is on desk duty, awaiting the results of an internal investigation about his exposed cock.



Police claim the naked lady sting operation is an effective way of lowering crime rates and stopping criminals before they do something really, really bad. I have some other possible stings. How about a young boy lying on a giant, soft bed, dressed in a Speedo? Just set the bed up in the park and see what happens. Or maybe two women could get under a blanket and eat each other out? In between moans, they could say, "Man, I just wish there was a cock around here." I bet that would bring some of these criminals out of the woodwork. Also, a woman could dress up in a French Maid outfit and bend over a log, exposing her supple ass. Then when men walk by, she could say, "Oh, help, I've lost a ring in my vagina. Could you use your cock to find it?"



Any of these methods are available to law enforcement to catch perverts. Good luck, fellas.



No Asshole Fuckface Roundup this week kids. Jesus wouldn't allow it on his birthday.

scorp17yh

scorp17yh

Brookings, OR
November 2004

DEC 29, 2007 09:06 AM

If he was convicted by a jury then the people of Columbus, Ohio deserve an honorary
AHFF Award.

Oz_the_Vamp

Oz_the_Vamp

Lorain, OH
June 2005

DEC 29, 2007 09:20 AM

Dear Columbus Ohio,
What the fuck?!?!?!?

Yours Truly,
Oz

semiretiredpunk

semiretiredpunk

Evansville, IN
March 2007

DEC 29, 2007 09:21 AM

Holy shit. mad

KC_Jones

KC_Jones

Brookline, MA
April 2007

DEC 29, 2007 09:30 AM

thats really fuckin stupid. and what kind of girls enjoy volunteering for things like that? puke

NoPantsDave

NoPantsDave

Cincinnati, OH
OLD SKOOL

DEC 29, 2007 09:33 AM

So, where's the link to the video, eh? Is she hot?

dingoes8

dingoes8

Milwaukee, WI
March 2004

DEC 29, 2007 09:35 AM

How is a man pulling out his penis any more obscene than a woman lying around topless, in the eyes of the law? They're allowed to do that?

That's like walking down the street and seeing some guys smoking some crack. They're like, "Hey, man, wanna smoke some of this free crack that we are also smoking?" and you're like "Uhh... I guess," and then they tackle you like "You're under arrest, cracksmoker!"

StarBelliedBoy

StarBelliedBoy

Philadelphia, PA
December 2003

DEC 29, 2007 09:36 AM

What the fuck?!


Thank god we have the police to save us from the fornicators! Those filthy sinners should ROT IN HELL!!!!

jpmansell

jpmansell

Thomaston, GA
February 2007

DEC 29, 2007 09:36 AM

it is getting to the point where a pervert just doesn't feel welcome any more frown

tribeofone

tribeofone

Korea, Republic Of
December 2006

DEC 29, 2007 09:36 AM

You obviously have had better luck when it come to dating than I do.

Sick

Sick

Minneapolis, MN
June 2003

DEC 29, 2007 09:37 AM

So it's legal for women to sunbathe topless in public parks in Columbus? I've gotta go there. I'll just have to remember not to take my cock out.

Feild

Feild

Quakertown, PA
December 2004

DEC 29, 2007 09:46 AM

This is the very definition of entrapment.

wastrel

wastrel

Orange, CA
October 2007

DEC 29, 2007 09:51 AM

I'm originally from Ohio and am now ashamed to be so. I've had my sports teams to shame me in the past, now I get law enforcement and the general public to help shame me as well for this entrapment and the bullshit conviction. Way to make Ohio proud assholes frown

xfinitex

xfinitex

East Lansing, MI
August 2005

DEC 29, 2007 09:56 AM

This breaks my brain in so many ways. How is this not entrapment?

shapeshifter23

shapeshifter23

San Francisco, CA
September 2005

DEC 29, 2007 09:56 AM



Police claim the naked lady sting operation is an effective way of lowering crime rates and stopping criminals before they do something really, really bad. I have some other possible stings. How about a young boy lying on a giant, soft bed, dressed in a Speedo? Just set the bed up in the park and see what happens. Or maybe two women could get under a blanket and eat each other out? In between moans, they could say, "Man, I just wish there was a cock around here." I bet that would bring some of these criminals out of the woodwork. Also, a woman could dress up in a French Maid outfit and bend over a log, exposing her supple ass. Then when men walk by, she could say, "Oh, help, I've lost a ring in my vagina. Could you use your cock to find it?"



biggrin

adam_vincent

adam_vincent

San Francisco, CA
November 2006

DEC 29, 2007 09:58 AM

which just proves my theory that ohio is full of tards.

PaulNikon

PaulNikon

Melbourne, FL
February 2003

DEC 29, 2007 10:01 AM

Naked Lady Park.

jameaterblues

jameaterblues

Vacaville, CA
September 2006

DEC 29, 2007 10:04 AM

if i went to that park i'd be totally busted

CherryCoke

CherryCoke

Bretton Woods, NH
May 2007

DEC 29, 2007 10:08 AM

If having sex with a topless lady in a park is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

ZenTrixter

ZenTrixter

Ethiopia
October 2002

DEC 29, 2007 10:23 AM

I did some digging around, because I'm a firm believer that there's more to any story than you first hear.

Ummm. Nope. It is, in fact, that retarded.

Hehe. I said firm...

Shalome

Shalome

MODERATOR

Los Angeles, CA

DEC 29, 2007 10:23 AM

dingoes8 said:
How is a man pulling out his penis any more obscene than a woman lying around topless, in the eyes of the law? They're allowed to do that?



Topless sunbathing for both genders is legal in that park.

Women's breasts are not obscene. Breasts are breasts, no matter if you personally get sexually excited by a woman's chest and not a man's.

Quite a few places have been hit with gender discrimination lawsuits for allowing men to walk around topless but not women.

Shalome

Shalome

MODERATOR

Los Angeles, CA

DEC 29, 2007 10:24 AM

But yeah, this "sting" was really fucking stupid.

dingoes8

dingoes8

Milwaukee, WI
March 2004

DEC 29, 2007 10:48 AM

Shalome said:

dingoes8 said:
How is a man pulling out his penis any more obscene than a woman lying around topless, in the eyes of the law? They're allowed to do that?


Topless sunbathing for both genders is legal in that park.

Women's breasts are not obscene. Breasts are breasts, no matter if you personally get sexually excited by a woman's chest and not a man's.

Quite a few places have been hit with gender discrimination lawsuits for allowing men to walk around topless but not women.



Yeah, I would totally agree with breasts not being obscene... I just figured the law was still about 50 years behind us. I didn't know there was any public place in America where women could be topless. Isn't it illegal to breastfeed most places?

KMFCM

KMFCM

Peekskill, NY
September 2002

DEC 29, 2007 10:53 AM


wow

no girls saying "serves him right"??

scylis

scylis

Anchorage, AK
November 2004

DEC 29, 2007 10:57 AM

if Catherine Zeta-Jones' skin-tight pants-clad, supple cavorting ass is entrapment, how does a topless lady manage to not be entrapmentē?

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