NEWS: Bill Murray Can Do Whatever He Wants... Drunk

CELEB: Bill Murray Can Do Whatever He Wants... Drunk

A few days ago reports surfaced that Bill Murray had been arrested in Sweden for drunk-driving a golf cart. I say, that's EXACTLY the kind of shit he should be doing.



For far too long that recent variety of famous for nothing, layabout-type celebrity has gotten away with everything. From preferential treatment to all-star perks, they've cleaned up. For the simple act of being atrocious, we reward them.



If anyone deserves this treatment, it's Bill Murray. If we're going to slant the playing field, at least let's do it for a legend. I'm saying Bill Murray has done enough in his career, been ridiculously funny enough, to warrant all kinds of perks and look-the-other-ways.



Drunk-driving a golf cart in Sweden? Sweden? C'mon, he should be allowed to run Sweden. It's a golf cart, you shouldn't be allowed to drive it not-drunk. What's the max speed, 6? In that vein, I give you...



Things Bill Murray Should Be Allowed To Do



1) Murder someone. Yeah, that's right, murder them. Not a saint or anything, not a totally innocent man. But, not necessarily an evil person, either. Bill should be allowed to kill an asshole. On purpose or by accident. Litterers, shipping heirs, the guy loudly proclaiming his intention to never see a film after the trailer plays at the movies... Those guys.



2) Garfield 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and so on, until we get to double digits. Destined to be the most controversial allowance. I don't like it any more than you do, but, he's earned the right. They're not for us, they're movies for children whose parents hate them. For the record, didn't see 1, skipped 2, won't see 3.



3) Many many years ago, Bill was caught smuggling 9 pounds of cannabis through custons at O'Hare airport. He should have been allowed to pass. Murray mentions that this incident is what prevented him from becoming a doctor. He should've been allowed to have become the world's first openly-pot smoking doctor.



4) Scarlett Johansson



5) Befriend a nerd. As most of you know, ordinarily, this type of behavior gets you banished from cool-dom. Bye bye, popular-kid table. Not so fast. In my opinion Bill Murray is at that level where he could, if he chose to, easily befirend a nerd in need, whether by removing a "kick me" sign from his back", toweling him off after a "swirlie" or merely becoming his lab partner, with ZERO social repercussions. That's power. Power he should wield.



6) Look up whatever Brian Doyle-Murray is allowed to do, triple it. I llike Brian Doyle-Murray, no direspect to him, that just seems like an appropriate thing that should happen.



7) Wear a wifebeater in public. I'm not saying he should, just that if he so desired, he could.



8) Punch a clown, with zero provocation. In the face or dick.

amen

I approve of Bill Murray in general.

I want to do all of those things! Ok, I'll just settle for #4.

This article made my night.

Yup, that all just seems right...

Scarlett Johanssen has a wierd head.

But if Bill Murray want to do her, by all means, do away.

LMFAO

/applauds and will agree

Ya, I saw this a few days back and my immediate reaction was GOOD.

HE IS BILL FUCKING MURRAY HE CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS.

DAMN MEATBALL EATING BASTARDS

I take issue with number five as I have always counted Bill Murray as a member of the nerd table and NOT the popular kids table...

also, since he was is Caddyshack he ought to be allowed to do whatever he wants to do on a golf course, or at least in a golf cart.

and finally, if you are going to let him do garfield 28, I say let him do a sequel to any one of his movies..."Lost in Translation 2: What He Whispered in her Ear"..."The Life Aquatic III: we skipped number two because wes anderson said he wouldn't make it"..."Ghostbusters 4: The Frighteners 2"...and yes even the horror that would be "Osmosis Jones 2: What happened inside Bill Murray's body when he was arrested in sweden while drive a golf cart drunk"

#4 was the sinker. funny shit

Yup. Cheers, Bill.

Bill Murray is the only reason to watch golf on TV.

A few points...one he already has had/has a bunch of nerd friends...ghost busters any one...

As for killing some assholes, again ground hound day...though I think he killed himself more then any one in that one...

and for Miss Johansen...if you are going to let the man make out with her that much...might as well let them slip off to a trailer to work out there inevitible angst that will arise...

and lastly i swear i remember him punching a clown at some point..though me memory is vague on the details of when or where..

Kinda reminds me of the first time I got drunk.... It was really more of a tipsy state, but man was I tipsy.
I was 16, I downed a disposable wine glass of sake and was swinging halfway out of a golf cart singing 'Princes of the universe' while it drove through a eerily 1950's style community.
The shocked expressions of the picture perfect familys still flash in my mind.... Good times.
God bless you Bill Murray.

This is all true.

Abso-fucking-lutely!

Bill Murray is king.

Truely a god among kings! This was one of the most entertaining articles I've read on here. Made my night.

Bill Murray is awesome, but we should all be allowed to:

"8) Punch a clown, with zero provocation."

EVERYONE should be allowed to punch a clown without provocation. Clowns are fucking creepy, dude.

But, yes, this is an awesome list. Without #4, it would still have been a damn good list, but #4 takes it into the territory called AWESOME.

Was the groundhog drunk, too?

Don't drive angry!

She can give me weird head all she wants. She's still one of the most beautiful women ever, ever, ever.

I'm sure he's proud of the whole incident, too.

Also, Scarlett Johanssen is a beautiful woman.